27

Day 27 ~ Your day job vs. your passion

This is going to sound pathetic with such an apparently easy topic, but I really don't know anymore.

It used to be so obvious - I've wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember. I've always loved making up stories. I spent a lot of time in high school (time that often should have been spent on homework) writing stories . . . most of them bad, some of them intentionally so trying to be funny. In college I was always writing - of course, I was also always taking writing classes. But it was so awesome to be getting constant feedback from such a variety of people, and that made it truly enjoyable (mostly) even though it was assigned.

I honestly intended to keep writing when I went to Florida, but it just didn't happen. Working for Disney just isn't the type of job that lets you write on the side. Especially as a CP, which everyone acknowledges as merely a slight step up from slave labor, by the time I got home I was usually just too tired to do anything other than veg out in front of the tv or sleep. In the first few months particularly, I generally spent one of my days off lying on the couch with my feet elevated because I was pretty sure my legs were going to fall off. Needless to say, it was a vey physically demanding job and I just had no energy left for mental work.

Since leaving, I've tried. Particularly last summer - I spent a lot of time trying to get a couple of ideas I had going. I just couldn't do it. And I don't know if I've just got the most epic case of writer's block ever, or if what I took for a real passion and dream job was actually just a longer-lasting-than-usual passing fancy that finally exhausted itself.

As far as my day job goes - I love it (as I should hope you've all guessed). And while I have said a few times that it has also been proof that I was right not to become a teacher, I am fervently hoping and praying that I'll get it back in a few more weeks (seriously, where is summer going?!) because if I don't I really don't know what I'll do.

I guess part of the problem is that neither Luke nor I are very ambitious people career wise. Neither of us are interested in "climbing the corporate ladder" as they say (me especially after watching my dad's career!!) or being some super important person where we work. We'd rather make a life than a living. In fact, Luke's perfectly content to stay at Convergys as long as it keeps covering our bills. All we want is enough to pay for what we need and every now and again splurge a little, whether it's a new book once in a while or a big(ish) vacation every once in a greater while. Sometimes we both get the feeling that there's something wrong with us . . . that we're not "normal" because we don't want a lot of flashy stuff and important sounding jobs to show off to people. And then I feel guilty about not being so passionate about writing anymore, like I'm wasting . . . something. And then I try again, and I feel even more frustrated when the words that used to flow so naturally just won't come. It's really a rather depressing cycle.

So for now, I guess I'll just stick to my day job - assuming I still have one.

P. ost S. cript
Wow, that was kind of a downer, wasn't it? Good thing Super Grover can always cheer things up! "It is not nice to confuse a super hero" . . . HAHAHA!!