Thursday, May 31, 2012

Still Thinking

Good questions, no?

So my ten year high school reunion is coming up this summer - insert "holy crap, when did that happen?!" sentiments here.  I'm going; I'm looking forward to it.  But I'm also kind of nervous.

I've mentioned once or twice before that my high school years were not exactly straight out of a teen sitcom, a la Saved by the Bell or something.  I think it;s safe to say that my first few years out were all about discovering how much of the subtext I hadn't seen while it was happening, and the last few years have been about realizing how much of it I chose not to see because it was unpleasant.  In spite of all that, my memories are still mostly fond ones, and I'm excited to see people and catch up with what's been going on.

On the other hand . . . chalk it up to one of the disadvantages of facebook, but I'm already aware of how much people have changed - and how much they haven't.  While I look forward to seeing the majority of people with no reservations, I have a hard time believing the feeling is mutual in some situations.  And so I can't help but wonder - will I come away having had a great time catching up with people I haven't seen in a decade?  Or feeling like the odd one out again, the one who doesn't quite fit in even though I always wanted to?  I was never a square peg trying to get into a round hole . . . more like a just-elliptical-enough peg that there was no getting into the round hole no matter what.  How much are we going to slip in to our old personae, and how much have we moved past that?

There's no way to know until we all get there.  One-on-one facebook interactions can't replicate the whole group together in person.

And it's just so weird to think that the fifth graders I said goodbye to today are closer to their high school graduation than I am to mine - seven years versus ten.   Oy!

P. ost  S. cript
In a song mood today - one that totally fits anyone at graduation, and one that always seemed to pop up at important points in my life when I was in school.  It pretty much sums up my educational experience from sixth to twelfth grade.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I Wonder

My senior year of college I had a job as a reading tutor at an elementary school. (and for those of you thinking I chose the wrong major . . . yeah, no.)  I enjoyed it, although I don't know if I would call it fun, unlike my job now.  I was thinking the other day - I worked with kids from kindergarten to fourth grade and it was enough years ago that I need two hands to count them.  This year . . . the kindergartners are in sixth grade.  As in - older than the oldest kids in the school I'm at now.  The fourth graders?  Finishing up their sophomore year of high school.  Ho.  Ly.  Crap.  How did that happen?

I wonder from time to time if they remember me.  I only saw each of them for about half an hour a couple of times a week, so it was a much more . . . professional isn't quite the word but it;s the best I can think of . . . relationship.  As opposed to the fun, silly, relationship I have with a lot of the kids now.  I try to be fit the "friend" label at the same time as the "teacher" one.  The good cop to the official teacher's bad cop (not that any of the teachers I work with are "bad cops" . . . but in a "if I have to send you to them because you just won't listen to me you know you'll be in soooooooooooooo much trouble" sort of way).  Anyway.  I really wonder where those first kids I worked with are.  If they remember me, even vaguely.

My senior year of high school our band and orchestra went on a short "tour" to Idaho Falls.  It will be immediately obvious to any family reading that my mom was pretty much in charge of the whole trip - mostly because she was, I believe, president of the booster club at the time, and that was mostly because only, like, three other parents showed up to the meeting to restart the booster club.  Anyway.  We went played a joint concert with the IFHS band, and Ashli and I both saw some old friends we'd left behind.  And we played a concert for the kids at our old elementary school.  (like I said, pretty obvious that my mom planned pretty much the whole thing, right?)  It was actually two concerts, one for the lower grades and one for the upper grades, and a little bit of downtime in between during lunchtime.  My first, fifth, and sixth grade teachers were still there so Ashli and I went to see them (two of them had her too).  I remember being a little surprised that my first grade teacher remembered us, I always pictured her in my head as so old.  She wasn't really, she had a son in high school (college?) when I was in her class, but when you're six any lady with white hair has one foot in the grave, you know?  And of course, at the time it had only been four years since my family had been a regular fixture at that school.  But all three remembered us and seemed really happy to see us, and I'm sure my impending graduation made them feel more than a little old.  I wonder if they would recognize/remember me if I went back now.

And I wonder how long these kids will remember me - and how.  As the random mean lady who wouldn't help them on a math problem that I knew they knew how to do?  Or the fun teacher who let them talk as much as they wanted as long as work was getting done?  The one who wouldn't take their crap or the one who would joke around with them as long as it was appropriate?

There are two boys in fourth grade who's class I've been in since I started working at Ellis when they were in second grade.  I adore all the kids, but these guys are two of my favorites.  And it makes me a little sad to know I probably won't be in their class next year because the fifth grade teachers really like the aides they have - and the one I'm with this year is moving back down to fourth grade next year.  And I keep hearing that all the teachers I've already worked with want me in their classes, so the odds of me getting a "new" teacher next year strike me as slim.  But I kind of wish I could "finish" their elementary school years with these two.  It's been so fun watching them for the last three.  On the one hand, it seems like they haven't changed a bit . . . but on the other I can see how much they have, even just from the beginning of this year.

And back we go tot he beginning.  I'm sure they'll remember their teachers ten, twenty years from now.  But me?  I know I've done a lot of good here, and helped a lot of kids . . . but just how influential have I been.  This whole having aides in the room a lot is a pretty new thing . . . I think.  At least, we didn't have them when I was in school.  So I have nothing to go on.  I'm not trying to be self-centered here.  But sometimes I wonder just how much I've done in their minds.  They're the ones I'm there to help - if they've completely forgotten me within five years does that mean I didn't help as much as thought I did, or just that there were a lot of things going on and a person just can't remember every little detail?

I always get a little pensive at the end of the school year . . . this year especially.

P. ost  S. cript
I could seriously watch this longer than watching a kitty on a roomba. :-)

Friday, May 25, 2012

Looking for Something to Say

Ever have that feeling that you want to talk to someone but you just can't think of anything to say?  That pretty much explains my blog absence for the last little while, which a few people have mentioned/questioned.  Sorry, it's just been one great big "I've have nothing to add to that" moment around here.  I still love the kids at school (except for the days when I can't stand them), there's nothing monumental going on in our lives (unless you count Luke's schedule changing so he gets off at 10 instead of midnight, which we see as kind of a big deal), and I haven't had any particularly philosophical moments to ramble on about (a side effect of end-of-the-year burnout, I'm thinking).

So I suppose this post is mostly just to assure everyone that we're still alive . . . and also (just a little) to celebrate the wonderful feeling you get when you discover that lots of people agree with you on something when you thought you were the only one who felt that way.  Shockingly, I'm not in the mood to rant (I must be really burned out!) but maybe I will be by the time comments start rolling in, lol.

Anyway.  I shall just make my two little points and leave you all to duke it out.  Or unfollow me, as the case may be. (although I hope that doesn't happen!)

I totally agree with this, it's kind of really horrible and probably is going to do more harm than good in the long run.  And some people really need to get this kind of grip on reality and stop judging people they don't even know.

And this?  Unnecessary, disrespectful to the artist, and more than a little hypocritical.

Well . . . it'll be nice to see who still talks to me this time next week, lol.

P. ost  S. cript
Title says it all.  The mind, she is boggled.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Just a Thought

And it's going here because I'm not sure I wouldn't be virtually drawn and quartered if I made it my facebook status. :-)

Anyway.  We saw The Avengers a couple of days ago.  It was pretty awesome, and this is coming from someone who's not exactly big on the comic book movies, so you know it's got to be pretty incredible.  But personally, I couldn't help but think how sweet it would be if Samuel L. Jackson pulled out a purple lightsaber and said something about monkey fighting snakes and Monday to Friday planes.  Because seriously, whenever I think of the TV edit of that line (which does not happen as often as I just made it sound) I crack up.

I'm telling you, it would have made this my favorite movie of all time. :-)

P. ost  S. cript
Seriously.  Of all the things you could have edited that line to become, is there any result more hysterically ridiculous?  I love it!