Sunday, January 30, 2011

Commercial Thoughts

As in, these are the sort of things that have come to mind now that I'm watching a lot more TV than I have for the last couple of years.

~ "A ground-breaking 14-year study done by our dog food company proves that our dog food is the best food to give to your dog!" Hmmmmmm . . . does it occur to no one else that this study might be a *teensy* bit biased?

~ Absolutely loving discovering exactly why the "Lacey is allowed to watch Friends" policy at my parents' house was more on-again-off-again than Ross and Rachel themselves. On the one hand, it's not that surprising. On the other . . . pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten most of the jokes that were the reason it sometimes became un-allowed. And the fact remains that the night of the series finale will go down in history as one of the best nights of my life. For many reasons, most of them not related to Friends (though some are). But that is a story for another day . . .

~ If massage therapy is as lucrative as you say it is, how come you people not only haven't retired and started paying people to give you massages instead, but you're also doing ads to sell it as a lucrative job? Convincing me FAIL.

~ "Your body can tell you're pregnant before you can." Well I certainly HOPE so!! Can you imagine - (this is your body speaking) "whoa man, what the crap is going on down there?! There's, like, this weird bunch of cells that just appeared out of nowhere . . . and now they're attached . . . and multiplying!! What is it?!?! How are we supposed to know what it is? Wait . . . hold on . . . we're peeing on a stick for some reason . . . hold on . . . OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So that's what that's all about!!!!!!!!!! Huh. Good to know. Better start, like, providing nutrients and stuff for it!"

Seriously. Do they think women are that stupid?

Don't answer that.

~~~Random related tangent: so we're having this . . . No-Longer-Homemaking-And-Also-No-Longer-Enrichment-So-I-Have-No-Idea-What-To-Call-It Night for RS this week, and it's all about babies and pre-/post-natal health and just basic stuff that apparently one should know but doesn't come naturally the way "don't drop the baby" does . . . anyway. They handed out invitations at church today. Pink card stock, blue ribbon attached to a pregnancy test, and it was all cute-sey-fied and Utah-fied saying "We're POSITIVE you'll have a good time . . . " blah, blah, blah. Clever, I will admit. Very clever. That said, my first thought was: is this an invitation, a hint, or a guilt trip? I laughed, so clearly its purpose was served. And I'm sure it'll come in handy sooner or later.

~ I am more excited to see the Watson vs. Ken Jennings showdown on Jeopardy than I should be willing to admit. What can I say, I've been a nerd pretty much since I could talk. This is gonna be awesome. Epically awesome.

~ I still think KJAZZ is the dumbest name for a TV station ever. Sooooooooo not growing on me, even though it's the only channel I watch aside from the history channel. And occasionally Wipeout. Because it's also epically awesome.

So there you have it. Now, enough with the thinking and back to the stitching! :-)

P. ost S. cript
Speaking of EPIC!!!!!!!!!! I will never be this good. Most days, I am resigned to that. Then there are the days where I see videos like this, and I feel like such a slacker. But seriously - HOLY TWENTIETH POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Reality vs. Blogs

I'm not sure if I want these shoes or not . . . either way I'm pretty sure I would do some pretty serious damage with them . . . mostly to myself.

So in the spirit of my New Year's "resolution" (I know, how completely three weeks ago is it of me to bring something so outdated up?!), a little bit of philosophizing. At least, I hope these random thoughts can be considered to reach that level. Anyway.

A friend of mine posted this article on her facebook a couple of days ago. I thought it was kind of awesome. And I kind of loved it.

There were a couple of bits that really struck me as accurate. For instance - "Of course, the larger question is, are these women's lives really as sweet and simple as they appear? Blogs have always been a way to mediate and prettify your own life; you'd be a fool to compare your real self to someone else's carefully arranged surface self."

I'm pretty sure I've said almost the same thing myself once or twice. And I've definitely wondered just how "real" all the perky, perfect blogs are. Every blog I follow has the occasional depressed/frustrated/just plain grumpy post. I rather like it that way. It makes me feel better about posting my own. I mean, heaven knows that NO ONE is going to have a picture perfect life all the time - so why put on a front as though you do? What good does it do? What purpose does it serve?

This would probably be the appropriate point to make a bunch of Happy Valley = Prozac Capital of the Planet jokes, but in a way those are just as depressing as the purported pill-poppers' blogs are simultaneously intimidating and fake-feeling.

I can't help but wonder - is that the point? Intimidation, I mean. How many of these bloggers are putting up a false front just to make other people feel like they aren't measuring up? Because fake or not, you really can't deny that there is a bit of an unspoken expectation that your life is supposed to look exactly like these "ideals" that are being put out there . . . and if yours isn't, there's something wrong with you. I know it's not "official" and that if anyone ever actually said anything about it out loud everyone would deny it - but it's there. I'd be willing to bet that every woman in this state at the very least has had moments of feeling either better than everyone else or (more likely) like they're falling short of what they're supposed to be.

And how the crap did this get started anyway? When did a girl's worth begin to be determined by how many babies she could take care of at once? By how many cupcakes she could bake and decorate in a day? How many pages she scrapbooked in a week? Sure, there's probably always been rivalries and whatever (the bargaining scene from Johnny Lingo comes to mind . . . random tangent - oh, how I love that movie!) but how did it come to be so culturally pervasive? Such a standard? And why do so many people just silently accept it?

Okay, maybe things didn't get very deep or high-minded, but I've pretty much reached the end of my thoughts. In sum: I think I'm doing pretty well so far this year. Of course, we haven't even finished the first month yet. :-) We'll see what happens. Either way, I'll be keeping it real. As the cool kids say.

P. ost S. cript
As far as I'm concerned, the new movie does not exist. This one is as awesome as it gets. Mahana, you ugly! Come down from that tree! :-)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Just Call Me Grandma

I can never look at this picture the same way again . . .

So I believe I've mentioned once or twice my passionate penchant for cross-stitchery. And since I so thoroughly enjoyed making my mother-in-law's Christmas gift I absolutely had to find an excuse to start something new. Conveniently enough I know about a bazillion people who are pregnant right now. So I'm working on some baby bibs. I'm thinking that's going to be my go-to baby shower gift from here on out, which means I have an excuse to be stitching for pretty much the rest of my life. Woot! Because while my high school friends might be getting the more-or-less-done-having-babies stage (*cough*Daline*cough*) my college friends - well, not so much. And sometimes it seems like Luke and I set this trend or something in Florida because TONS of people I know from Disney have gotten engaged/married since we have. Well, okay, not that many really, but it seems like a lot. I guess it's because every time I hear about an engagement lately it's from that circle of friends . . . of course, that's only because 90% of the rest of my friends are already married, so that group is kind of the only possibility. Anyway. Point being, even when all of my friends are done having kids I still have, like, dozens (okay . . . just over two dozen) of cousins who are all younger than me, meaning that this generation of my family will be having kids probably up to and after I'm dead.

You know what? Who cares why - I have an excuse to do more cross-stitching for EVER. YES!!! (side note - I totally meant it when I asked if anybody wanted anything. I will absolutely make it. Pick what you want, and as long as it's stamped it's as good as yours!)

Occasionally I feel like I should be a little more embarrassed about my sole crafty ability. I mean, as much as I tell myself that I look just like Elizabeth Bennett and fine young ladies of high station always have embroidery hoops and needlework to do in period fiction . . . yeah. It's such an old lady thing to do. Seriously - cross-stitching baby bibs intended as gifts? If the picture that brings to even one of your minds is not some granny working on something for her great-great-great-great-great-grandchild then I'll- actually, no. You're lying. ;-)

And it gets even worse (better?). I probably should not confess this, especially not on the internet, but guess how I spent my Friday night? Stitching . . . and watching Wheel of Fortune. And Jeopardy. I know, just put me in the nursing home and put me out of my misery, right? How much more stereotypically old person can it get?! Anyway, a few thoughts from Friday night:

~ Being a grown-up was supposed to be so glamorous and exciting. Blargh.

~ I also watched two episodes of Friends. I've never seen such highly targeted advertising as I have in those two hours. During Friends the same pregnancy test commercial played THREE times during EVERY set of commercials. It was infuriating. At one point I almost screamed "I'm not pregnant, leave me alone!!!" at the TV. Then I remembered that that would be stupid. During the game show hour it was all The Scooter Store and "Die-beetus" all the time. (again with the old people!) And TONS of redundant massage therapy/technical institute/"we offer (list of seventy jillion degrees here), call today!" commercials. Clearly I am the only person who is 1) under the age of 70, 2) a college graduate AND 3) euphemistically bun-less who EVER watches KJAZZ. Which is a really dumb name for a TV station, btw. If you ask me.

~ Pat Sajak vs. Alex Trebeck - fight to the death. Who wins? (this one actually came from watching the two shows week before last with Luke as he was recovering from whatever it was that he had. I say Trebeck, he says Sajak. We might need outside intervention to settle this one, lol.)

~ I really hope I look as good as Vanna White when I'm her age.

~ Speaking of which, I remember when Vanna wasn't just eye candy. And when Alex Trebeck had a mustache. I really do belong in a nursing home!

I would feel so much better if, along with the "old person" vibe, my hobby also had some . . . I don't know, street cred, I guess. Kind of like knitting. Knitting is for grandmas, but these days it's also hip and cool and retro and who knows what else. (file under: knitting your own lingerie, lol) My grandma taught me to knit once, way back in the day. It went about as well as my attempts at scrapbooking. Looking back, I think that fact that I was about ten at the time might have had something to do with that. I'd take it up again, but I am determined to make cross-stitching just as cool. Well, that and I'd probably still suck. As I understand it, there's counting involved. I don't think I could progress past a really long scarf.

Does blogging count as crafty? Or a talent? :-)

P. ost S. cript
Speaking of talent . . . bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Starting the Blog Year Off Right

"Right" of course being a relative term. Or sarcastic. Take it however you want.


So last Friday there was a short bit of training for the benchmark testing that we're doing tomorrow. It was a little confusing because I'd never done the testing before, but nothing too hard. For me, anyway.

Apparently this is the first year that this testing has been done on the computer - a little surprising, I would have expected things to have been changed over ages ago, but whatever. Again, no big deal. There was a training video that couldn't have been more than three minutes long that explained everything in the absolute lowest terms possible. Totally self-explanatory. A toddler could understand these instructions.

Great. Merciful. Crap.

I about died listening to the questions everyone else was asking. I mean, really, "how do you scroll?"?!?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!

Okay, disclaimer: although it may seem otherwise, I do not go around looking for things to be critical of in other people. Is it my fault that some things are so obvious?

Also, I realize I have a bit of a skewed perspective here. My family has had a computer at home since I was a toddler, which was not the norm for even my generation. My whole family (and I'm including extended family) is ridiculously technologically savvy. So I probably hold people to a higher standard than is average. Actually, scratch that. I know I do. We all do. We expect people to be reasonably informed and moderately capable with the technology they are expected to use on a daily basis. But really, is that so much to ask - it's not like I expect everyone to know how to write their own website . . . just how to open a browser and navigate a website! Particularly when you're being told exactly what to click on every step of the way.

Also (again) - I am by far the youngest aide, probably by seven years or more. So . . . yeah. Skewed standard.

Whatever. As I was attempting to recover from my shock at the aforementioned scrolling question the aside was made to me by the only person in that room who will ever read this blog (but who shall remain otherwise unnamed) that at the "real" training at the beginning of the year - this was a refresher course for everyone but me - that one would think these ladies were being asked to perform open heart surgery judging by the horror and drama learning to push a button entailed.

I'm both quite upset and ridiculously glad I missed that training meeting.

So here is my point/rant: Old (relative term!) people are supposed to have a hard time "getting" technology. It's "supposed" to go over their head, or something. Well, guess what? Three of my grandparents are ON FREAKING FACEBOOK! The one who isn't - has a BLOG! Clearly, you can teach an old dog new tricks, assuming the old dog is willing to learn. It's not like they need to be online . . . for, you know, their job or something. So what is up with the people who refuse to learn out of - I can only believe - sheer stubbornness and resistance to change? (side note - I am, of course, making exception for people who don't have the mental capability to learn new technology . . . hopefully that went without saying . . . ) Do some people just want to look helpless/incompetent/unintelligent?

I get the whole not liking change thing . . . to say I'm not a fan of it myself is to GREATLY understate the case. But when you're told that things are changing and there's nothing you can do about it - what's the point in resisting? In throwing a fit about it? If the realities of your job means you have to learn how to use new technology and you have that much of a problem with it, well, you know, there's always Walmart greeting - the quintessentially stereotypical "old person" job. My great-grandma did an awesome job at it (even if she didn't recognize me that one time, lol). And I imagine any technophobe would, since it involves actual human interaction in that elusive mythical state of existence known around the interwebs as RL. (But I bet Grandma Anna would totally be on facebook if she were still here!)

Anyway . . . yeah. I don't get it. But my rage/confusions - ragfusion? - has cooled significantly since last week. This probably would have been a much more interesting blog had I been able to write it a couple of days ago as I'd planned, but a series of obnoxious events prevented it. (Among them Luke being sick - not strep OR mono, and we're MAJORLY glad for that . . . and that he's finally better today, yay, and practicing for a musical number for church next week . . . to which I hope no one wants an invitation because I'd kind of rather pretend it isn't happening. Anyway . . . ) So, ummmm, anyway -

Old people: Not as incompetent as they'd like you to think they are.

(Okay, one parting question I have to ask - how can one brag about regularly skyping with one's grandson who lives cross-country if one does not know what a scroll button is? Perhaps Skype doesn't have scroll buttons . . . I wouldn't know, I've never used it. But still . . . how do I scroll? I may never get over that one.)

P. ost S. cript
I will never look at Darth Vader the same way again. It's a good thing George Lucas got this right!