Thursday, December 31, 2009

This is the Way the Year Ends

- though I'm not sure whether to consider it a bang or a whimper. My car is with a mechanic. Again. The rear struts broke driving around on the swiss cheese that passes as roads around here. And while we have managed to scrounge up the money to fix it, after rent it leaves us with nothing to pay the other bills that have their due date coming up before our next paychecks.

Okay, what the hell is going on here?! I get it - newlyweds struggle. We knew that going in. Newlyweds are broke. Well, we were broke before so that wasn't exactly a surprise. What I don't get is why we haven't gotten a single break this year. Every time we've had even the slightest bit of extra money something catastrophic has happened. Decide to spend a couple of days after the wedding in a motel, even if it was here in Logan? My transmission needed rehab. Mini-splurge on a used game cube for an anniversary? Turns out Luke's tire was about to fall off, so we adjusted to driving that car once a week or less until we could fix it . . . and that led to the battery needing replaced because the car was just sitting in the cold. Of course, we could manage replacing one battery, which must be why mine died three weeks later . . . right after we talked about maybe taking a long weekend to Cedar next summer during the Shakespeare Festival. And now Tuesday, when we decide to spend two bucks to rent a movie after doing some errands, my car starts bouncing in our newly re-done parking lot like we were driving down second freaking east at fifty miles an hour! Seriously, what is that about? Connection or not, the timing is insane!

This cannot be normal newlywed struggles. Team Jayla hasn't been married that much longer than we have, and they just bought new snowboards, and go boarding all the time. Luke's sister got married six weeks after we did, and their Christmas present to themselves was a trip to Disney World. They're all still in school . . . so theoretically shouldn't we be doing the best financially? But we couldn't do either of those things if our lives depended on it - literally. I just don't get it.

Of course, this year has given me something - the proof I've never really needed or wanted that I'm pretty much un-hire-able. I have never gotten a single job in my life that didn't either come to me through either familial or academic nepotism (everything except . . . ), or was at a place where they take everyone and their dog (western wats and disney). How did that happen? What is it about me that makes people toss my application into the shredder immediately? Why is it that I can talk to the hiring manger, who tells me TO MY FACE that not only are they hiring, but that they'll gove me a call in a day or two . . . and then never hear anything again? Why do I get a rejection letter three days before the decision of who to hire is even made?

And not only that, what little karmic sway I have over the universe seems to be waning, because this year nepotism bith gained and cost me a job. There's a permanent aid position open at Aunt Sharon's school. I applied for it because after she talked to the principal two months ago she was told that the job was mine if I wanted it. But now, two months later, and after I've been waiting for phone call in such a paranoid state that I've been afraid to pee, eat, shower, or do anything that prevented me from keeping my phone in my hand, not to mention checking it every ten minutes to make sure the battery hadn't died and I hadn't accidentally put it on silent or something, I found out I can't have the job because Aunt Sharon and I would be working in the same room. Forget the whole "what the crap kinda sense does that make" part, I should have just been realistic and seen it coming from the beginning. And in a way, it's probably a good thing. I don't think I could stand working with/for someone like that for very long. It's just frustrating that that's the brightest side there is to be found in this whole situation.

I just can't see how to get out of this mess. As far as we can see we're doing everything we're supposed to be doing, and doing it right - financially, work-wise, spiritually, mentally, emotionally . . . perhaps not grammatically, maybe that's where the problem is. < / sarcasm> We've even thrown around the idea of moving somewhere - almost anywhere! - else, but as far as I can see we'd be in the same boat as we are here, only minus the job Luke has now. Which, obviously, wouldn't help matters. And considering we left Orlando because the sheer cost of living was squeezing us to death, and now we could afford that if I could just get a frigging job, but since I can't we're still getting squeezed to death . . . well, irony, thy name is my life. And thy middle name is cruelty.

So, suffice it to say, we are going on essentially an electricity lock down, since that's the only bill we can even pretend to try to decrease. No more watching movies, no more Stargate on hulu, the computer only gets used for checking email and job hunting, and the heat only gets turned on when we can't feel our feet. Fortuneately I went grocery shopping Monday, and we got a couple of boxes of ramen recently. With any luck the next trip will be at the end of February.

You know what, 2009? Screw you too.

P. ost S. cript
Pretty much the only thing that makes me laugh right now.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Wrap Up

~ So Team Lucey and Team Jayla decided back in August to get mom and dad Mario Kart for Christmas. Last month mom sent a Christmas list email to the g-rents and siblings listing, among a bunch of other Wii ganes, Mario Kart. Thought Lacey: I should probably send an email out letting everybody know that Mario Kart is covered . . . nah, there's a bunch of stuff on there - no need to worry.

~ Mom and Dad got $150 worth of Mario Kart yesterday. (MK is fifty bucks, you do the math.) Oops.

~ Shay had the brilliant idea to (since we were going in on the guft together anyway) to include a gag gift of some sort suggesting that both she and I are pregnant. (I'm not, but I make no claims about Shay . . . ) So on top of said Mario Kart were two bibs, one said "I love grandma," and the other said "I love daddy" . . . I looked all over town, and there were know "I love grandpa" bibs to be found. What's up with that? Anyway, "daddy" became "grandpa" by way of a post-it note and a sharpie, and Ashli was in on the joke and going to film the whole thing (since nether Team was going to be there to see it) and it was going to go on facebook and I was going to post it here and we were all going to get one great big laugh out of the whole thing. In the end, from what I hear, Dad wondered but Mom immediately dismissed the whole thing as a joke before getting the the "just kidding" note. I'm thoroughly disappointed. That said, if I/we keep this up every so often, there will eventually come a time when it's true . . . and my mother doesn't believe us until we're big as a house. And then we will finally get our laughs in. :-)

~ Luke gave me a shopping spree! No, seriously. We're going to take a day sometime in the near future and go clothes shopping. I'm totally psyched, because - wouldn't you know it - the obligatory disappearing items from last year's move were some of my clothes, and then of course I lost a few more in March. And I've never really had a large wardrobe to begin with, so this year has been a bit frustrating sartorially speaking. Sadly, the stupid new battery thing means that we won't be going shopping Tuesday . . . but definitely sometime in January. Yay!!!!

~ Eating too much food yesterday, mostly of the junk variety? Check.

~ Falling flat on my butt after sliding in the soft, smooth, and super slippery socks Ashli gave me yesterday? Check. And considering the tiny amount of floor space our kitchen provided me with to accomplish this, I'm thinking I deserve some sort of prize.

~ We are soooooooooo breaking in our new pampered chef chopper tomorrow for dinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was quite possibly the present both Luke and I were the most excited to see.

~ Mom somehow lost a pair of leggings she bought for Ashli for Christmas. I'm still giggling at that one.

~ Grandma & Grandpa Barnes gave us a chocolate fountain. I'm in heaven. :-)

~ Is there anything in the world more fun than shooting bunnies with plungers? I submit that there is not. We just might have to start going to Tremonton more often! (Unless, of course, anyone on this side of the hill has Rayman . . . )

~ Best part of Christmas? The fact that including mine and Luke's, there is a grand total of five cars in our teeny-tiny little parking lot. Finally, space to park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P. ost S. cript
If I didn't know better I'd think this was a video of me when I was a baby. But I do know better . . . for one thing, Dad's snoring isn't nearly that quiet . . .

Thursday, December 24, 2009

One More Sleep

So Luke's at work today. Craptastic, no? Good thing we're used to it. He went in to work thinking he was working tomorrow too. Idiots need their internet on Christmas too, what can ya do? But then I get a text about twenty minutes after he left . . . and guess who has tomorrow off now? Yay!!!! Christmas just got a little bit better. :-) Merry Christmas, and yeah, shut up to one and all o' dang y'all!

P. ost S. cript
Not quite as good as Mickey's, but I adore Muppet Christmas Carol. And really, could I post anything else today? :-)

Monday, December 21, 2009

What Happened?

So I worked today, although I kind of failed to see the point of school being in session. The kids who actually were there physically certainly weren't mentally - it's way to close to Christmas. Luckily, the aide I was subbing for realized that too, so although I did a lesson with the fourth graders, we stuck to reading-themed games and coloring for the little kids. (I feel sorry for Drew - she had to do lessons . . . lame!!) Of course, the talk was all Christmas, all the time. All the kids were excited for their Christmas parties tomorrow (seriously, going to school on December 22? What the crap?) and as each group was coming in and getting settled I asked them all about their Christmas plans. All the Christmas talk kind of got me thinking.

I remember when I was little "happy holidays" meant "merry-Christmas-and-happy-new-year" and people said it because it was shorter. And "happy holidays," "merry Christmas," and "season's greetings" were all used pretty interchangeably and nobody really got offended at it. When did that change, and how did I miss the memo? And who's crazy idea was it to make "happy holidays" mean "well you're clearly going to hell, you horrific anti-Christmas heathen?" I mean, really . . . that's kind of a dramatic shift in meaning, especially to make in only, what, fifteen years? Kinda weird, no?

On the one hand, I can kind of see where the stores and other "public service" type places are coming from. Regardless of what the founding fathers intended as far as the good old US of A being a Christian Nation, the fact is that not everyone who lives here is Christian. Ergo, not everyone celebrates Christmas. And the last time I checked, that was okay, everyone was allowed to choose what religion or lack thereof to affiliate with. (I didn't miss that memo too, did I? Lol.) So addressing a large group with "happy holidays" just makes sense . . . and I just plain don't get what there is in the phrase to get offended at. If it wasn't offensive when I was a kid, what happened between now and then?

And holy crap, when you're talking to someone one-on-one at work, you've gotta be careful. There are some real nut jobs out there. At Disney the policy is basically "happy holidays unless they say something else." But even that can be deadly. First, there are the nut jobs who will scream at you if you say merry Christmas because how dare you assume they're Christian, they're Jewish, or Buddhist, or atheist or whatever, and they want to speak to your manager right now!!! Then there are the nut jobs that at the end of a brief conversation just kind of wait for you to say merry Christmas and if you don't say it before they do then how dare you take the Christ out of Christmas with your horrible political correctness, and just who are you, a terrorist or something, and they want to speak to your manager right now!!! The good news is, you can usually tell they're a nut job. The bad news is, there's not usually any way to tell which kind of nut job they are until they've flipped the proverbial gasket and blown the proverbial lid. Luckily, (most) managers are pretty decent and realize they're dealing with nut jobs so it's not like you have to start worrying about your job. (Well, that was true when we were there. Word on the street is things are changing and cast members might have to start worrying about freaking out the nut jobs.)

All I can say is what is wrong with these people?! Don't they have anything better to do than get offended at something that is, when considering the bigger picture, rather trivial. Whether one isolated person or even an entire company does or does not return your chosen seasonal greeting does not change the veracity or lack thereof of the religion behind said seasonal greeting, whether that religion is Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Shinto, or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (Wow, I feel intelligent - I haven't written a sentence that eloquent sounding since college!) How did all of society lose sight of that fact at the same time? This is one of the many things that just plain makes no sense to me.

That said, I say merry Christmas to people (unless, of course, work prevents me). But I don't get offended when someone wishes me a Happy Hanukkah. Actually, I find it kind of cool. Everybody and their dog gets Christmas greetings, but Hanukkah - I feel like I'm now a member of an exclusive club. And I'm sad I never got a "happy Kwanzaa," although the whole not-being-black thing might have had something to do with that.

I guess the point I've been meandering around, both here and all day mentally, is that it seems to me that too many people are focused so much on making sure that other people remember the "reason for the season" that they're forgetting it themselves. (Mote, meet beam anyone?) I mean, have you seen this? While I applaud the intent, in flipping through a few of the entries I can't help but get a sense of hypocrisy. Company X gets a Christmas-negligent rating because the Christmas muzak was too soft? Store Z gets a Christmas-offensive because not only did they have menorahs next to the Christmas trees (logical place to put them, if you ask me) but the fat lady was blocking you so you could only watch helplessly as someone else got the last (insert ultimately trivial item here)? I'm sorry, but how many people did you trample trying to get into that Store on Black Friday? Just how Christlike were your thoughts and feelings when you were berating that poor minimum-wage making cashier for forgetting to say merry Christmas to you because she's got a line ten people deep and she's trying her best to shorten everyone's wait as much as she can? Seriously, people need to get over themselves. And then focus more on themselves than on everyone else. That's when they'll start seeing the change they're lobbying so hard for.

On a slightly related note, this is a cause I can definitely get behind. And if all those people criticizing stores for not having Christmas decorations just spent one less hour at the store, and ten fewer bucks on presents, I'll bet their Christmas would be a lot more merry, no matter who did or didn't wish that for them. Forget the war on Christmas - I'm Team War FOR Christmas! :-)

P. ost S. cript
In case your eyes glazed over back around paragraph 3, this is basically what I was saying. too bad they don't show it anymore. :-(

Friday, December 18, 2009

Not Happening

We got a big stack of Christmas cards in the mail yesterday. Well . . . not so big. Only four. I guess it seemed like a big stack since they all came on the same day. I love getting Christmas cards - they make me feel so popular! It's like getting valentines after elementary school. I never got very many and I was always so jealous of the girls walking around with a stack of those cheap little cards . . . and inevitably a couple of carnations and maybe a cookie or two courtesy of various club fundraisers timed to take advantage of Valentine's Day. Man, that was depressing!

Anyway - Christmas cards. I suppose I should feel guilty for not sending any when people send them to us. But it seems kind of pointless these days. I mean really, when even three out of your four grandparents have facebook and you can either write "Merry Christmas" on their wall or just send mass greetings out through a status update what's the point of sending a card? The cards themselves and the postage cost money, and don't even get me started on the horrors of potential paper cuts. ;-) And then there's the whole "not very green" thing, which I'm not going to touch with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole. Besides, who wants a boring old paper card when you can send e-cards decked out with dancing snowmen dressed like Santa complete with glittery "snow" falling and crappy . . . I mean, state-of-the-art, futuristic wav file Christmas carols playing. Does your paper card play music?! Oh, wait - some of them do these days. (side note: if you ever find yourself hunting for a card of any sort from me, just get one with these guys. A. Dore!) But your paper card snowmen don't really dance!! Take that!!

On a similar note - the Christmas letter. Again, love reading them . . . but don't get sending them anymore. I mean, the people I would send them to are already my facebook friends, and presumably occasionally poking around here. So they know more details about my/our life in the past year than I would even think to include if I did write a letter. So . . . yeah. Not happening. Should I feel guilty? Although, even if the answer is yes, that guilt is counter-balanced by the knowledge that my mother got my major wrong in (I'm pretty sure) all four letters while I was in college. That kind of makes me wonder . . . would people care - or even notice - if I sent out a letter full of completely fiction events? "We spent our lovely six week honeymoon Ireland and rented a castle, and oh, by the way, don't be surprised when you don't get a letter next year as we'll be in Uganda volunteering with the Peace Corps. Make sure you pick up my new book coming out in a couple of months - I'll even sign it for you!!!"

I wonder how long it would take people to catch on . . . you know . . . that could be fun!!! Shhh!!!! Don't blow the whistle on me on facebook!!! :-P

So anyway . . . yeah. For those of you who've been wondering what we've been up to this year, well - this pretty much covers it. And check it out - I've gone paperless!! Just like my cell phone bill!! :-)

P. ost S. cript
Most awesome thing ever? Quite possibly.

Monday, December 14, 2009


So I jump on to blogger a couple of hours ago to do a quick book review . . . and RWBC is gone. No longer there on my dashboard. "Cannot be found" when I type the address in myself. And I can't figure out what happened. I had, like, 90-some reviews on there . . . ish. Lots. This is making no sense at all. Sad day. :-(

And of course, I find this out after coming back home from buying a new battery for my car. After having to call Drew for a ride at the last minute (good thing we were both at North Park today!!), AND after replacing Luke's battery just a couple of weeks ago. Umm, thanks for the Christmas wishes fate!

I don't think I like this game. :-(

P. ost S. cript
Yoou know what one of the best parts of Christmastime is? The commercials. The ones they replay every year. They're like mini-holiday specials that you get to see a dozen times every december. I wish they still played this one. The updated version they made this year just isn't the same.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Bumped to #1

So I was gloating to Luke about his Christmas present again a couple of days ago (seriously, so much fun!) and he asked me what I wanted because apparently it's easier to find a Cabbage Patch Tickle Me Beanie Baby (TM) in Logan at Christmastime than to find the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. (Coooooooooooollin Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirth . . . !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) That kind of surprises me, but not much. Anyway, I decided yesterday what I want the most . . . I just don't know where to get one.

I want a heated toilet seat. I know they make them, and if nothing else can probably be found in Skymall (I can't even think of that catalog without giggling . . . ) but getting one of those would pretty much make my life. I mean really, is there anything more cruel and unusual than stumbling half-awake into the bathroom. sitting down, and suddenly being jolted wide-awake and nearly hypothermic? Sooooooooooooo not fun!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm seriously this close to buying one of those squishy plastic seat covers just because they'd be a little bit warmer in the mornings . . . and all day. Maybe one of those fluffy furry ones - because all of the sudden I am understanding why they exist.

We have heaters in each room, which is nice because we don't have to heat the whole apartment, so I'm pretty sure it's a little bit cheaper. But when you spend most of the day in one room it sure makes it unpleasant to leave that room. And the heater in our living room isn't working, so we moved a few things (i.e., the computer and speakers) into the extra bedroom and we're just using that as our living room now. And again, it's probably cheaper to heat it than the real living room anyway since it's smaller. The only bad news with there is that whenever we do have to be in the living room it's completely icy - eeeek!!!!! Our front door actually froze shut Wednesday night. Seriously - we had to do so major tugging and jerking to get it open. That was unpleasant to say the least.

In fact, I've been so cold the last few days that I was this close to caving in and saying I wanted a snuggie (horrors!!) but then I found this. And it looks sooooooooooooo much better!! Thicker, warmer, and you can zip it up!!! I mean, snuggies are great for sitting down at all, but if you want to walk around it seems like you may as well be wearing a hospital gown, you know? I want one of these babies!!! It should get here by Christmas if I talk Luke into ordering it tonight, right? . . .

P. ost S. cript
Behold, the Christmas present that can never be topped. Yep, here it is - the trippy claymation Christmas special, yay!!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Evilness . . . hee hee hee . . .

So I ordered Luke's Christmas present off Amazon last week. And then I gloated to him about doing it when he got home from work, telling him how perfect it was and how he's going to love it. And he spent about an hour trying to guess what it is. And then I did it again when it got here a few days later. And now it's sitting under our little tree, the only present there yet. And once in a while I giggle maniacally and he looks all incredulous and can't understand how I can be this excited about watching him wonder, and then - eventually - watching him open it up Christmas morning. Because seriously. I. Can't. Wait.

I've always loved having secrets. It's so much fun to know what's in the box when you know somebody else doesn't know. Maybe it's a little bit evil . . . but it's so fun!!! Of course . . . I'm also one of those people who just has to know everything. In fact, I'll even admit to shaking presents occasionally - gently, just in case whatever's inside is fragile. (On that note - I never shake the presents from my grandparents. They're always wrapped/packed too well. Grrrr.) I could almost always get Rian to tell me what my present was, clear up until just a few years ago. Although in that case I'm not sure if I enjoyed knowing what was in the box more, or knowing that my 14-year-old brother wasn't realizing what he was telling me any more than my 4-year-old brother did back in the day. Good times. I usually forgot what it was by Christmas day, but just knowing that I knew felt good.

On that note, can I just say that milestone birthdays are a little bit obnoxious to me? I mean, everybody else knows what Grandma and Grandpa are getting them for their 12th birthday - but only because I (and everyone else between me and them) got it first. Grrrr. I hate going first! :-P

You know what the best part of wrapping presents is? Giant boxes for little presents. Putting round things in boxes and square things in round almond roca tins. (Almond roca . . . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Random tangent: I love almond roca. It always makes me think of my great-grandma Dora - Dad's grandma. She always had almond roca at her house, and every Christmas she's send us some with a tin of Danish butter cookies. I still can't eat either without thinking of her.

Tangent over - back to wrapping presents. The smaller the resent, the bigger the box - and the more the fun. I've also picked up Dad's habit of completely sealing the cracks in the wrapping paper with tape except for just one tiny little sliver. So then you have to search all over the thing to find the one place you can tear to start opening it. Fun stuff. :-)

Have I mentioned that Christmas is my favorite? It kinda is. And I'm soooooo loving the whole winter and snow thing this year . . . man have I missed this!!! (please note: the fact that I have missed having white Christmases will not stop me from complaing about the snow in January. That's just how I roll.) Yay for wintertime!!!

Luke-ism for the-indeterminate-amount-of-time0until-I-post-another-one: (said last night as he's reading his big, fat, 15-pound dictionary) Hey look, it's my two dollar bill! . . . I didn't know I had a two dollar bill . . . wait - why do I have a two dollar bill?

Good times. :-)

P. ost S. cript
So we saw this yesterday whilst watching Amazing Race and . . . ummmm, what? Who in their right (well, apparently wrong) mind thought this was a good idea? Who could even consider this a gift?!? Apparently there's a Hannukah version too . . . I'm officially weirded out now. However, it is funny in a "what were you thinking, you idiot?" sort of way.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

This and That

~ Luke gave his first talk ever last Sunday. That was pretty awesome. He did great, although I could tell he (finally) got nervous when he actually got up because he got a little ramble-y and ended up taking almost ten minutes longer than he was supposed to. I'm definitely not complaining though - because of that we skipped the closing song, which meant that I didn't have to conduct another four-verse arm killer. Woot! And of course, as we all know, if I had been giving the talk it would have taken about fifteen minutes less than it was supposed to. And he was only given 7-10 minutes.

~ I am immensely proud of myself for cooking my very first Thanksgiving dinner last week, turkey and all. Okay . . . so it was actually just a 3-pound turkey . . . okay, a three pound turkey breast . . . and Luke helped . . . and we also only had stuffing and mashed potatoes to go with it . . . but I'm still immensely proud of myself. So there! :-P

~ IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I think that pretty much says it all for that one.

~ Luke and I have decided that since kittens are smaller, fluffier, cuter, and cheaper than babies we're just going to have cats instead of kids. (we came to that decision as a joke while watching kitten youtube videos, but feel free to tell my mother as if it were for real if you're bored and looking for entertainment!)

~ We spent Wednesday in our PJs all day on adding all of Luke's family in. That was fun. The PJs-all-day thing was a little weird though - I was never allowed to do that growing up, even when I was sick. Not something I would want to do often, but I think I liked it. Until we got to the part where we discovered that one set of Luke's grandparents has also been entered as both their own parents and grandparents . . . yeah, we're still confused about that one. Same dates and everything - ummmmm, what?

~ So you know how the Coppermill has the reputation of being, like, the fanciest restaurant in Logan? A friend of Luke's called them up last week and paid for a gift certificate as a late birthday present for Luke and we went last night. And we were not impressed. The decor was pretty, but the service sucked and the food was more or less average. On a scale of McDonald's in a Walmart to Victoria and Albert's we figured it's about a six. And that's only because our ciabatta pizza appetizer was so good. On the other hand, I ordered some juice . . . and she brought out a Minute Maid bottle you could buy at a gas station and a glass of ice. Holy tacky!
side note: We are soooooo eating a V&A's someday. Luke promised. That day will probably not come for a very long time, because $250 for dinner for two is, well, kind of a lot. But we are so eating there . . . someday.

~ Our Christmas tree is up. I wish it were bigger, but we wouldn't have room for it then. And it's so cute. And it has a present underneath already. I've already had waaaaaay too much taunting Luke as he tries to figure out what it is. I can't wait until mine is under there so I can shake it. :-)

~ Actually, that's pretty much it.

P. ost S. cript
I dare you not to go "aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (note: if you don't, you probably have neither soul nor heart.)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Obligatory (Yet Forgotten) Thanksgiving Post

You know, I really thought I posted this Thursday. I guess I just composed it so well in my head that I convinced myself that I posted it too. :-) Anyway - the things I'm thankful for this year. Minus all the obvious ones that everybody says every year. Which means this is . . . *drum roll*

Lacey's Top Ten Random, Odd, Obscure, or Perhaps Just Plain Weird Things She's Thankful For!

1. blue and green paint. Because white walls are sooooooooooooooooo the last seven years!!

2. library cards. And, by extension, libraries.

3. Team Jayla. Not only did they help us paint, they are pretty much the only normal members of my family. (Let's think about this - one is still afraid of boys at the age of 23, one is proud to be a pasty white boy living at home and with no intention of leaving, and the other two have a one-track mind, and that track is set to "grandkids." Is it any wonder that sometimes it feels like Team Jayla are the only ones we can have a normal conversation with?!)

4. nepotism. Because without it, I still wouldn't have a job.

5. having Thanksgiving off. Because working it three years in a row was more than enough.

6. the muppets. More on that later.

7. free food. We haven't had to buy meat since Dad slaughtered the cow and pigs going on two months ago. Woot!

8. snow. But only in November and December and the first two weeks of January.

9. Seriously, Luke and I spend hours on that website. Always good for cheap entertainment.

10. large kitchens. Mostly because we don't have one.

And there you have it. Happy Day-After-Black-Friday everybody!!

P. ost S. cript
Have I mentioned how much I love and adore the Muppets? Because they kinda rock. So if you haven't seen this since it popped up a few days ago (you probably have, since it's the internet's latest viral hit) make sure you watch the whole thing. The end makes the whole thing even funnier.

Friday, November 27, 2009

This Is Just To Say

I have kept
my willpower
all November

and I
am so very
of myself.

Aren't you
Now off to blast
Mannheim and TSO.

William Carlos Williams has got nothing on me. :-)

P. ost S. cript
This was my introduction to Mannheim Steamroller when I was in high school. Still my favorite song of theirs by far.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I had this really weird dream Sunday night. I dreamed that part of my arm died - literally. My entire right bicep muscle had died from oxygen deprivation from being slept on. It was still attached to my arm, but it was all black, and it felt . . . dead. I don't know how to describe it. It was a really weird feeling, and I just knew it was because my arm was dead . . . you know how it is in dreams.

Then I woke up. And my arm was fine. My shoulder, on the other hand (*rimshot*) . . . well, I believe most everyone's already heard about that. I'm still pretty sure it was a pinched nerve, and to be perfectly honest my arm may as well have been dead for as much as I was able to use it for the next three days. Good thing I didn't have to work.

That said, I'm kinda sad that I only worked two days this week. I think I worked just about every day possible during the pay period that just ended - there is one massive (well, comparatively) paycheck coming my way next week! :-) But with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up and taking up practically half of this pay period . . . no monies. Sad Lacey. :-(

At least my arm feels better.

P. ost S. cript
So when Cake Wrecks mentioned this sketch I was reminded of just how much I love and adore it. I'm not a huge fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail but the dead parrot sketch will always make me laugh. I giggle just thinking about it . . . "This is an ex-PARROT!!!!!"

Thursday, November 12, 2009

And That Answers THAT Question!

The good news: I probably don't have throat cancer.

The bad news: I'm officially sick. With a little bit of everything.

So I'm working at Millville Tuesday, and other than the sore throat - which wasn't going away this time - feeling fine.Then I go home, and within a few hours I'm feeling like crap. Sore throat, congested, chills, achy, headache, and even an upset stomach. (lesson I probably learned: don't eat large plates of nachos on a mostly empty stomach when you're probably getting sick. It probably didn't help.)

Once I puked up the nachos I felt substantially better, but still a little hallucinatory. Sadly, I was supposed to be working all week at Millville for the same person, but had to give it up yesterday, 'cause it just wasn't gonna happen . . . I still felt significantly crappy. And today I'm still feeling somewhat crappy. Grrrrrr. And today is Luke's birthday - and Tuesday was the anniversary of our first date. How's that for timing. Blargh!!! I'm just glad book club was last week instead of tonight!

On that note, can I just say that Luke is awesome. Yesterday was his day off, and he spent the whole day taking care of my. Seriously, he probably would have even fed me if I'd asked him to. :-) He rented chick flicks (well . . . one . . . and Star Wars!!!!!) for me, and made me laugh and just did everything right . . . even forcing me to down cold medication because I absolutely hate taking medicine and wouldn't have if he hadn't been standing over me saying we couldn't watch Revenge of the Sith until I choked the things down. And seriously, how sweet is that?! (I'll save you the gushing, just go ahead and insert your own version of "I'm so lucky, my husband is the best" here.)

So for those of you who were worrying (and I know that's everybody, lol!), I'm not dying. It's all good. The sore throat is even gone . . .my heads's just kind of a little fuzzy. And I'm off to bake a cake. But if it seems like we're avoiding you in the near future, know that the throat cancer came back with a vengence!

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This isprobably the only way Luke could have made my yesterday better.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Is This Bad?

K, so for like the last two weeks or so I've had this massive sore throat when I wake up. But as I get up and get going and all that good stuff it gradually goes away. But the next morning it's back again. I'm so confused. There is nothing else wrong with me at all . . . so am I getting sick or not?

I NEVER get sick. Well, hardly ever. But when I do it's really bad. So I'm not sure whether I should be worried or not. Either it's my imagination, or I've started snoring massively every night (pretty sure that not it since Luke hasn't said anything . . . ), or I've got throat cancer and just don't know it yet . . . right? But seriously, a sore throat in the morning that goes away basicallt as soon as I start talking? Ummm . . . what?

Yeah, I'm probably going to die. Or something. It was nice knowing y'all. I'm off to make some tea with honey . . .

P. ost S. cript
I heart Wipeout. (note: the sound is really quiet, so you might want to crank things up. Not that you need the sound for this one . . . )

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Moral Quandry

Is it wrong that I kind of want to get this just so Luke and I can play catch with the thing and see what happens? My opinion is that it's kind of wrong for such a creepy/weird "game" to even exist. I mean . . . seriously? What? So wrong. So, so wrong. I'm envisioning pretending to play tennis just to see what disturbing sound effects come out of the Wiimote.

So . . . poll time! Who's creepier - me, or Nintendo?

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One of my favorite cartoons EVER . . . mostly because of the song. I'm still a little in shock that Luke had never seen this until a couple of months ago. Where would this world be without youtube?! :-)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dropping 2x4s on Your Head Explains A Lot . . .

So there was a marching band competition today. Two blocks away from our house. I had three cousins competing, and Shay's band was there too. So naturally, I went. It was a little weird . . . the first competition I've ever gone to as a spectator. First one since I graduated high school. Very weird, and very nostalgic.

Of all the things I loved about high school - and I am one of those weirdos who did enjoy high school, for the most part - color guard is probably what I miss the most. I've almost never felt more accomplished than I did the first time I actually caught a quad. I'd been working on it for literally months, so it was a really big deal. I loved everything about being in color guard . . . well, except for the drama that crept in a couple of times. And the lack of funding for equipment and uniforms. I have never seen any guard uniforms uglier than the ones we wore my first two years - they were terrible!!!! Black pants so baggy you could fit four or five people in each leg, white leotards and horrible teal vests . . . we looked like the wait staff of a pretending-to-be-upscale restaurant in a really REALLY bad, really low-budget movie.

I'd always loved the color guard. I remember being a little kid in Idaho Falls and always getting excited when the marching bands and guard came past during the fourth of July parade. I called them flag twirlers since I didn't know what they actually were . . . not an inaccurate description, but it sounds kind of silly to me now. Anyway, that was always the part of the Macy's parade when it would be the hardest to tear me away from the TV - when the bands and guards came through. The dancers were amazing and cheerleaders were great, but something about the spinning flags always mesmerized me. So at the end of ninth grade when I found out that a few of my friends were planning on joining the color guard, of course I jumped at the chance too.

There weren't try-outs for guard at the time . . . mostly because the number of interested people was so low that they took anyone who was interested. That got the number of girls in the guard up to a pretty good number in proportion with the size of the band, and we all worked hard, so we weren't too terrible either. I missed the information meeting at the end of the year because I had play practice . . . and since none of my friends passed on the information I missed almost the whole summer. Thankfully the band teacher was at the time was pretty awesome and let me join right before band camp, which was right before school started. (go ahead, make your "one time at band camp" jokes. I'll wait. Okay, moving on . . . ) I got a pretty crazy crash course in flag twirling, but I managed to catch up with everyone else, more or less. Granted, there I dropped a lot of tosses at first - and by dropped I mean there were a lot of metal poles landing on my head. And starting the next year, a lot of wooden rifles landing on my head. But my senior year I was the assistant drill mistress . . . which sounds more impressive than it actually was, since all of the senior girls had a spot in the guard presidency. And half of the remaining guard members were my sisters. Yeah, we were pretty small.

Guard was definitely the thing I as saddest to leave behind when I went to college. That's probably at least partially because it was the first thing that was obviously missing. Normally a couple of weeks after school got out I would have been back at school for marching band, but that year . . . nothing. It was so very sad. :-(

I'm definitely going to have to make it to more than just one competition next year. Watching really isn't the same, but it's fun in it's own way too. Especially critiquing the guard costumes - some are really cute, some are hideous, and some are just plain bizarre. But most especially admiring the flags, which are almost always beautiful. And can still mesmerize me.

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So . . . it's officially holiday time, and you know what that means - crap loads of toy commercials!! So in the perfect combination of Halloween and Christmas, I present this little bit of creepiness. Note: if that episode of The Twilight Zone with the creepy talking dolly scares you, you might want to pass on this one. You just might have nightmares.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Honey, I Shrunk the Halloween Bags!

So I remembered something a couple of days ago that I hadn't thought about in years. Before Rian was born we girls acquired some really cute trick or treat bags I scarcely remember them . . . but they were a nighttime scene with cutesy little pumpkins and I think black cats and bats on them. I loved it. Our names were written on the bottom, and every year we had to make sure that we each had the right bag - Ashli especially threw a fit if she wasn't carrying her bag.

The thing I remember most is how small they were. Seriously, tiny. Maybe five inches tall. 5 by 3 by 2, or something like that, I'd guess. But when we first got them they seemed huge. And then they would get packed away on November first . . . and when we got them out the next year they always seemed smaller than I remembered. Mom never believed me when I told her they'd shrank in the garage in the heat. :-)

Rian got to start using my bag when I turned 12. I wasn't allowed to go trick or treating anymore. Mom said I was too old . . . LAME!!! I still think that's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. How else is a 12-year-old supposed to have fun on Halloween?! There weren't any parties for me to go to - all my friends were trick or treating. And even if there had been a party I wouldn't have been allowed to go. And everybody knows that only the losers stay home and pass out candy . . . my social life, if I'd had one, would have been so over. As it was I spent the whole night praying no one I knew would come to our door. And then I lost even the candy handing out "privilege" when it was discovered that I was giving out two pieces of candy instead of one. The horror!!

You know, I'm pretty sure Mom made up the trick or treating age limit because she hates Halloween. No enthusiasm for the holiday at all. So sad.

Anyway . . . yeah. The bag. It was so cute, but so tiny. It probably would have been more humiliating to go trick or treating with that bag than to be caught handing out treats, which is saying something!! :-) I'd love to use it now to decorate though . . . but I doubt Mom even still has it. Probabl got tossed the second Rian got back after his last year trick or treating. Again, so sad. :-(

Wanna see something scary? Just in time for Halloween . . . eeeeekkk!!! I think I'm glad I'm not a kid at Halloween these days!! So very, very wrong.

Anyway, I'm done rambling. Just some remembrances of Ghosts of Halloween Past. :-)

P. ost S. cript
Is there anything more awesome than pumpkin launching? This time of year, my answer is no. So here's a flaming pumpkin . . . because you can't really see the non-flaming pumpkins.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Did I Mention . . .

I realized late yesterday that in all my gushing about fall, I forgot one of the best/most important aspects of this time of year . . . TV HOLIDAY SPECIALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just say that I remember life practically revolving around the yearly specials when I was little . . . mostly because these were the very, very few times we were allowed to stay up past our ridiculously early bedtime. (don't even get me started on that one . . . although a post about it will probably show up sooner or later . . . ) That, and they're pretty freaking awesome. And since you only saw them once a year there was just the right blend of familiarity and newness to them - you know? I know the "Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie" song from Garfield's Christmas Special, but I could never sing it.

I was always sad that there were so few Halloween specials, but Garfield and Charlie Brown are so classic!!! I still get a little freaked out remembering the pirates in the Garfield special - dude, that part was SCARY!!!!!!!!! And The Great Pumpkin would probably still crack me up. A person who doesn't laugh at Peanuts must have, like, no soul or something. No personality. No heart . . . something.

December was by far the best though, since there was a special on practically every night - score! Holy cow, how much do I love claymation animation! So fake . . . but so cute. By far my favorite Christmas special was "A Claymation Christmas." Does anyone else out there remember that one? It had these two dinosaurs who introduced . . . well, I guess you'd call them music videos of Christmas carols and were very Odd Couple-y. And these other creatures kept showing up singing "Here We Come A-Wassailing," only they'd sing it wrong. A gaggle of geese sing "a-waddling" and waffle vendors sing "a-waffling" and the uptight dinosaur keeps having these minor freak outs when they sing it wrong. I always had the distinct impression that Mom didn't like this one very much . . . that might have had a bit of an influence on my opinion of it. Anyway, when I was about 8 or 9 they stopped showing it, which was very depressing. And ever since then whenever the subject of holiday specials has come up (more often than one would think!) I always ask if anybody remembers that one. I was really beginning to think I had imagined it or something, because NOBODY ever knew what I was talking about. And then two years ago I told Luke about how it was my favorite and I couldn't find it anywhere and nobody else ever remembered it . . . and what do you think I got for Christmas that year? Dude, I was ecstatic. By that time we were engaged (although I'm tolerably certain that he bought it before he proposed) and I told him flat out that he could forget about ever getting me a better present because seriously? Some things just cannot be topped.

And then we watched it. And it's a bit trippier than I remembered . . . lots trippier than I remembered. Like, super trippy. I can see why Mom probably didn't care for it. But the trippiness only made me love it more. Seriously, why aren't they showing this on TV anymore?!

I'm so glad we get ABC and NBC and CBS on our TV . . . sadly, that's all we get. But as much as I love youtube, watching the specials on TV will be much better. Between the bigger screen and the nostalgia factor, I will be in heaven. And I can watch the Macy's parade next month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've missed the parade for the last three years, and that was probably the most depressing thing for me about having to work on Thanksgiving. You do NOT mess with my holiday traditions! Come 10:00 Thanksgiving Day I am parking my butt in front of the TV and only moving during commercials until I see Santa coming down Broadway. Good times.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely love and adore this time of yer, by any chance?

Lukeism for the day, in case you missed it on facebook: Our 50th anniversary . . . that's in, what, thirty years?
. . . I thought I was bad at math. :-)

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Three for one! How could I post anything else? Enjoy!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Just Sayin'

As of tomorrow I will have worked four days this week - yay!!

If I had the ability to be in multiple places at once, I could have worked ten. And that's assuming I don't get any last minute calls tomorrow morning.

If any of you know someone working on a cloning device, or time travel, or something else that would work this out for me, hook me up! You'll be my hero forever. ;-)

*brought to you by the Broke Newlyweds Foundation*

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The Long Hunt For Legends of the English Terminator Cousin Part 3: Cruise Control?!?!?! I have GOT to see that movie!!!!! . . . Now when exactly is it hitting theaters? That part left me a little confused . . . ;-)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Good News Minute

This is shaping up to be a great week!!

1~ I got a call yesterday to sub today at Millville - score! (side note - these kids were much more fun than the other kids I've had at Millville . . . hmmmmmmmm . . . ) Whilst I was subbing today I got a text from Aunt Loretta asking me to sub Thursday at North Park - score again!! I've had this Friday scheduled at Millville since three weeks ago - triple score!!! And just now the lady I subbed for today called and asked me to sub for her again tomorrow - HOME FREAKING RUN!!!! This is quite possibly the makings of the larges paycheck I've had in almost a year . . . yay!!

2~ Yesterday Luke got to set a permanent schedule . . . yay!! He now works four ten hour days and has three days off - which is a pretty cushy gig, I gotta say. I had that schedule for a while at Disney, and it kind of rocked. Like, super rocked. 4-10s are the best!! And he has set days off now, which is abso-freaking-lutely awesome. He's off Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. So no Friday ir Saturday night dinners out, but it's not like you can go anywhere in Logan on those nights anyway unless you make reservations ages in advance or something. We know - we've tried a couple of times. Seriously, does EVERYONE in Cache Valley go out to eat every Friday and Saturday night?! It sure seems like it . . .

Best part - Sundays off!!! It's great, because Luke's only been to church twice since August when the schedule changed. I gotta say, that was the weirdest thing. Apparently the student wards around here change times with the school year instead of the calender year, which makes sense . . . I guess. Sort of. I guess it's just weird to me because I haven't been in a ward that changed times in seven years. The student wards in Cedar don't change. And it would have caused nightmares on about a million levels if our ward in Florida had changed times.

Anyway. I'm so glad, because it's really lonely going to a married student ward by yourself. It's even worse than sitting by yourself in a singles' ward . . . and I'd done that . . . well, for more or less seven years. And it's probably totally my imagination, beause everybody at church is pretty much great, but I haven't been able to help feeling a little bit judged and condemned when I'm there alone. It's like when they say "oh, that's too bad that he has to work on Sunday," you can almost hear the rest of the sentence - "you two just must not be praying hard enough or something. If were more righteous like all of us you would have a job with Sundays off." You know? I'm sure it's my imagination . . . being fed by the knowledge that there really are people out there who would really think that, and maybe even say it out loud. I hate people like that with a passion.

Aaaaaanyway, moving on from the downer-type stuff - did you know is doing this amazing ten-week sweepstakes thing to celebrate ten years of having the wish list feature? Too cool. This week they're giving away TONS of awesome kitchen stuff - new appliances, Paula Deen and Mario Battali cookware, a huge pyrex set . . . this is one sweet giveaway! And this is only week two (so sad that I missed week one!), which means there's tons more aweseom prizes coming. Check it out - you gotta enter. Although if you win I ust might have to hate you forever because holy crap, I want some of that stuff!! But if I win and you ask reeeeeeeeeally nicely I just might give you the fridge or stove or dishwasher. Since there's no way I'm putting them in this apartment and leaving them here when we leave (whenever that is) and we have no place to store them.

Addendum: Okay, so I just looked, and week 1's prize was a bunch of crap from the crappy Twilight movies. I'm not so sad I missed it anymore. But there's some cool stuff coming up!!

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Have you seen this yet?! I'm not the Jon Schmidt junkie that Ashli is, but this? Pretty fantabulous.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mixed Messages

So I worked again two days last week. Yay!! Double yay, because I didn't work at all the week before. And like the first week I worked, I had one day at Millville and one day at North Park. After two days at each place I'm starting to notice some differences.

Millville has a really confusing and maze-like layout to it. I'm seriously not sure I'll ever figure out where everything is . . . it's all ramps and stairs and halls and curves and first grade classrooms next to fifth grade classrooms and what-the-crap-is-going-on-ness. North Park, on the other hand, is really easy to navigate. Two halls, and a hal to connect them. Imagine the symbol for pi . . . only the top hall is straight, not wavy. :-) Plus with North Park all the tutoring is done in groups, so even if I got lost there's someone around to show me where I'm going - at Millville I'm pretty much on my own. Crap.

But the biggest difference is the kids. The kids at North Park can get restless and rowdy sometimes, but it's been pretty easy to keep them on task, even when I have no idea what that task really is. But I can make it up as I go along and they just roll with it and are generally cute and adorable, and I go home and tell Luke how I wish I could take on of them home with me because they're just so cute!

The Millville kids are little terrors. Not paying attention, interupting, every time I try to pause and look at the teacher book (that always makes feel just as important as it did when I was in elemenary school, lol!) to figure out what exactly I'm supposed to be doing they're jumping out of seats, telling me "that's not how our normal teacher does it," they've completely forgotten what we just read, you name it. I feel terrible for the mess I must be leaving for the real aide since I never get all the way through a lesson, and I'm pretty sure that a lot of the things I manage to get done I'm doing wrong. Grrrrr. So then I go home in a mood of "never, ever having kids. Ever. Let's get a kitty . . . a stuffed kitty."

Luke's probably getting pretty confused.

And then, there was Saturday. And I got to babysit Sammy, yay!! That was bunches of fun. Well, except for when the drum thingie wouldn't stop playing . . . and apparently it starts on its own sometimes . . . holy demon possessed!! . . . and when Sammy dropped his chocolate milk . . . holy crap, how does milk splash that high?!? . . . but he was really enthusiastic about helping clean up, so he wiped the floor and I wiped the counters. And drawers. And dishwasher. And stovetop. And fridge. Good freaking grief. But Sammy was soooooooo cute being all careful to get all the milk off the floor. It was one of those "aaawwwwwwwwww" moments.

But the best part of the day was before that. Luke and I spent the day on youtube, watching all the old shows we loved when we were kids. Anybody remember these?

Muppet Babies
Gummi Bears
Garfield and Friends
Legends of the Hidden Temple
What Would You Do?
Wild and Crazy Kids
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Schoolhouse Rock!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, how I wanted to be on those shows . . . it's so sad that they're not on anymore. It's so sad that Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel had to get all dumb . . . everything on those channels are so cheesy. They're all adult-style shows shrunk down to tween-sized plot lines - LAME!!! So we decided that if/when we have kids they're gonna watch the good stuff. We'll gt all our old cartoons on dvd and watch them with them. Because that will be pretty darn awesome. And fun. For the whole family, yay!! (side note: so now if you're ever looking for gift ideas for us, you've just been supplied with a great big list :-) . . . score!!!)

And that was all we did aaaaaallllllllll day. Cartoons and old kid game shows. Well, until it was time for us to head out and make some money. Good times.

But yeah, I'm pretty sure I've got Luke thoroughly confused. Oops.

P. ost S. cript
I remember even though I never actually got to be on the show (sad!) that even I got intimidated when the kid went to Africa for the final round of Carmen Sandiego. That map was HARD!!! Nobody won the Africa map!!! Which makes this clip even more awesome.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It Never Ends!

Remember this girl? She's still up there. The good news: she's stopped singing, mostly. The bad news: she's still up there.

For a couple of months now we (meaning me, Luke, and our landlord Stacy) have suspected that our little Idina Menzel-wannabe has had her boyfriend living with her. Stacy asked us to keep an eye out when she noticed that this guy was here pretty much every time she came up here, which is not often, but often enough. Sure enough, after she pointed out his car to us, we noticed it - literally - never leaves the parking lot. Now that we've switched over to permit parking (and seriously, what the crap is the deal with the lack of parking around campus?! Dude!! It's insane!!!) it's been parked in the parking lot of Aspen Grove, the reception hall right next door that we've (meaning just Luke and me this time) only seen used once since Luke moved in back in February. And the car never leaves. Seriously . . . what's the point of having a car if you don't use it?

Then last week Luke was checking the wired internet connections in each apartment to figure out which ones work and which don't . . . and when he goes upstairs, guess who answers the door? The boyfriend. Who says that the chick isn't there, and he's just dropping something off for her. Except Luke obviously woke him up. Ummmmmmm . . . two words: awkward! And . . . busted!

Now, normally, I wouldn't care about what living arrangements they've got going upstairs. The rest of the complex would probably be horrified and scandalized if they knew, but . . . whatever. But there are two things that make me care a lot, and I can only hope Stacy can collect enough proof to evict the chick.

1 - they seem to enjoy wrestling. Or something else that allows lots of stomping/crashing/pounding on the floor/our ceiling. Especially late at night. Annoying.

2 - he sings. Worse than she does. Thankfully, not as loud, but I think that actually makes the out-of-tune-ness worse.


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You know, if he could do this, all just might be forgiven. :-)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Can Someone Explain to Me . . .

1) When conference weekend became a holiday on the level of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter?

2) Why everyone (meaning college students) just have to go home for conference weekend? Am I hearing something different here in Logan than I would in Tremonton? Or if the whole being-married-now thing voids that, was I hearing something different in Cedar City?

3) What genius came up with ladies' night at Deseret Book? Seriously - bunches of women at "the Lord's bookstore" spending tons of money whilst their husbands are all at a religious meeting being counseled to stay out of debt? That, my friends, is irony exemplified. Whoever came up with it = marketing genius! (note - I've never heard Deseret called that . . . but it was such an easy shot. And I'm sure there are people who call it that. And who would never dare set foot in such a secular, heathen place as something like Borders or something. I hope I never meet these people.)

Oh, and - yay Brigham City! Your thirty minute drive to the Logan temple has just been dropped to five! Of course such suffering and sacrifice to go to the temple should be celebrated on facebook with mini-parties like they were holding in Rio yesterday! All those Mormons in Africa have it soooooo easy - they only have three temples to choose from!

Okay, that is all.

P.S. Mark this one on your calenders, kiddies - I'm actually going to apologize if I happened to offend anyone today. I stand by my opinions, but the sarcasm bug bit me pretty hard today, so my phrasing may be offensive to someone. Although I certainly hope not.

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It's so refreshing to find Mormon comedians who are actually funny. And this guy left me having flashbacks to my childhood . . . in a good way. :-) Plus, Panda is freaking delicious!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Rave Review

K, so about ten days ago Luke and I went to Layton to get my rings soldered together. Because, annoyingly, the closest Kay Jewelers to Logan is in the Layton Hills Mall. Annoying to have to drive so far for such a little errand, but it is a good excuse to get out of Cache Valley for a while, so we don't complain too much.

Anyway, after eating lunch at the food court - Chik-Fil-A, (YUM! )and lemonade from Hotdog on a Stick, (YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, best lemonade EVER!) we're heading back to the freeway . . . only to discover that there is a Jason's Deli in Layton.

And what is Jason's Deli you ask? Goood question, because I'll admit I'd never heard of it before either. Anyway, it's this sandwich chain that was actually started in Beaumont, cool, no? And apparently it is amazing, because Luke was soooooooooooo disappointed that we'd just eaten.

So yesterday we went back down to pick my rings - well, ring now - up. It's so weird . . . it's going to take a little getting used to having them as one ring! Anyway, we went to lunch at Jason's Deli. And it is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The menu is huuuuuuge, and I had the hardest time picking just one thing. We've decided that we're going to eat there everytime we take my ring down for inspection - twice a year, woot!! I had a chicken wrapini, and it was totally delicious. Luke had a muffalotto . . . muffolotta . . . something like that . . .and it was pretty tasty too. It was really different - pastrami and provolone cheese with practically a mountain of green olives and olive oil. Holy crap, that food is good!!!!! You have GOT to try this place sometime!!!! There's one at the Gateway in SLC too. When we finally get around to seeing Salt Lake (Luke still hasn't really seen Temple Square, or anywhere else for that matter) we're totally eating there again. And the best part? Free, unlimited soft serve ice cream cones. Dude, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!! And they have, like, a million different kinds of cheesecake. Blackberry cheesecake . . . . MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, that's all. I'm just still kind of amazed at how delicious the food was. And how huge! Luke got a quarter of a sandwich, which kind of confused me because he's not usually one to get the half-size version of anything. And then I saw the sandwich. And his quarter sized moffalatto or whatever was bigger than a big mac - holy crap! So yeah, when you go - get the quarter sized sandwich. Unless you want leftovers for a couple of days. But you have got to try this place sometime. And that is all. :-)

P. ost S. cript
There is a very good reason why I don't watch crappy daytime talk shows. (other than the fact that we don't have tv, I mean.) However, that means that I also miss the occasional hysterical gem like this one. Huge thanks to Emily for telling me and Luke about it!! I will never again be able to hear the words "chicken tettrazini" without laughing.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Back to Work!

So this was the first week it was possible for me to sub . . . and I worked two days this week! Yay! Not only that, I'm booked for one day in October, two in November, two in December, and one in January - the money's rolling in now!!! :-) Okay, maybe not so much . . . but this is definitely an improvement. Even just working once a week would be, among other things, a financial miracle for us. Woot.

Thursday I subbed at Millville. It was fun, but kind of overwhelming. And I'm so glad Drew was there too, because holy crap that school is confusing when it comes to finding your way around!! I'm probably still going to be getting lost at the end of the school year. The first group I worked with were little terrors . . . well, the boys were. The girls were pretty good. Sadly, we only got about halfway through the lesson because I kept having to bring the boys back on task. I think they could tell I had no idea what I was doing. Then the last thing I did was hall monitoring - that was weird. And I felt really short when these fifth graders walked by that were almost as tall as I was.

The hall I was in had one of those huge maps of the world. I was looking at it idly and I noticed that something about Russia just didn't look right. It was too big. And I was pretty sure I could see the word "soviet" in there, but it was all spread out like they do with big countries and I was too far away to tell for sure. So toward the end of my hall monitoring time I wandered over to the map. No Latvia, Lithuania, or Estonia . . . it had the good old USSR. And Yugoslavia. And Czechoslovakia. (did I get that even close to right?) That one was really weird for me to see, because I distinctly remember the day my fifth grade teacher explained to us how the Czech Republic and Slovakia had split, and yesterday they were one country but now they're two countries. So I had to find a date on the map. Guess what date I found. No, seriously - guess.

1989. Crazy, no? That map is older than my little brother. My little brother who is a high school graduate. Talk about outdated materials!!! This is why the one thing in politics that makes me mad is education cuts. (the main reason nothing else makes me mad is because I don't understand it . . . seriously. any and all Washington talk is completely Greek to me.) I mean, come on! You give kids materials that are twenty years out of date, and then you expect them to have a thorough and accurate education? Umm . . . not happening. I am firmly convinced that this is the reason for Miss South Carolina a couple years ago. Obviously it's no wonder that Americans are so terrible at geography - on the off chance that they actually look at a map that shows more than just the US, it's probably from a time period they don't remember, either becuase they were too high on *insert popular drug of whichever decade here* or too young.

Anyway. This one wasn't supposed to be a rant. Friday I was at North Park. And I did more or less absolutely nothing. Good times. The lady I was subbing for was supposed to be giving her kindergarten kids a test, so Aunt Loretta tested them (and how convenient was it that we were in the same place almost the whole time?! Score!) and I got to color all day. Well, watch them color. Good times. It made me want to break out the coloring books I bought in Florida . . . I haven't colored in ages!! So I did. Yay!!!

So here's hoping to a lot more subbing gigs in the future. I like this game!

Luke-ism for the week: so last night we were talking about babies . . . I think we'd been watching some silly baby videos on youtube or something. Anyway, he asked me if all babies like peek-a-boo, and I tell him every baby I've ever met does. And he says, "So it's like all babies come with peek-a-boo pre-installed?"

P. ost S. cript
In case you didn't get my reference earlier. I love the look on Mario Lopez's face at the end. He's this close to absolutely losing it!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Swear I'm Not Drunk! I Don't Think . . .

K, so something really weird is going on . . . somewhere. For the last couple of weeks I've bee having these weird dreams where I dreamed I was half-awake. They're really clear and I'm convinced they're for real - until I ask Luke in the morning and he looks at me like I'm nuts.

Like the night before last. Since it was cold, Luke wore his sweats to bed instead of the basketball shorts he usually wears. He sort of half-woke me up in the middle of the night when he got out of bed, changed into the basketball shorts, got a drink of water, and came back to bed. Imagine my confusion when he was wearing the sweats again in the morning . . .

And then last week. There have been some issues with the internet around here (meaning the whole complex) for the past couple of weeks or so, and Luke is the resident internet-fixer. So from time to time he'll go to an apartment to fix with something, or down to the laundry room to play with the modem for a while. Anyway. Last week. Luke wakes me up getting out of bed. He's getting dressed. It's, like, three in the morning. So I ask him what he's doing. He says he's going downstairs to reset the modem and he'll be right back. I'm confused, but I say okay and go back to sleep. In the morning Luke tells me it was a dream.

What the crap? It's always the same sort of thing - either a conversation we didn't really have or Luke doing something random and waking me up . . . only not really. And it's happened five or six times in the last two weeks. So weird . . . am I hallucinating? I mean, I haven't taken anything . . . that I know of . . . I'm so very confused.

Am I the only person who's ever had dreams like this? Is somebody I know about to die or something? Maybe I'm about to win the lottery . . . yeah, that's gotta be it. :-)

P. ost S. cript
Dude, I want to go to Japan just for the game shows!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Ice, Ice Baby

Yeah, you're so going to have Vanilla Ice in your head for the rest of the day, mua-ha-ha-ha!!! For the record, I like that song. It's so perfectly cheesy . . . so perfectly 90s . . . so perfectly mockable . . . it's just . . . perfect.

So last week it looked like fall. And this week it sure feels like fall!!!! And I gotta say, it's so handy to sleep with a furnace in your bed. When your toes get cold you can just roll over and warm them up! :-) But seriously, is the whole human furnace thing a guy thing or just a Luke thing? It's so nice . . .

I'm so excited for fall. Granted, I am a little worried about discovering just how acclimated I got to Florida . . . but I've survived the last couple of days!! And the chill in the morning has reminded me just how end-of-the-yearish it is now. And you know what that means . . . holiday time!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely can't wait to dig out my Halloween decorations next week, and it's taken every ounce of willpower I have not to start blasting the Christmas carols already. My favorite season is spring, but this really is the best time of year - everybody is celebrating something. It's so much fun!!

I can't wait until it's cold enough to make hot chocolate . . . I need to get some coffee creamer so we can have homemade Stephen's. :-) And I need to get a teapot. And some honey. Because I have totally fallen in love with herbal tea! You see, year before last when Dad was on the rat poison drugs he couldn't take any regular medicine, and he got a cold. Holy craptastic, right? So Mom bought a few different kinds of herbal tea, and dad didn't like some of them, and Ashli and Shay didn't want them, so Mom sent them to me with my Christmas packages. And they turned out to be pretty good. You gotta add a little honey though - otherwise they're pretty flavorless.

Then in New Zealand last summer Luke and I bought some kiwi fruit tea. It was really good. It smelled just like a kiwi . . . yummy!!! The crazy thing is though, by itself it tasted like warm water. Add some honey though, and all of the sudden we were eating a sun-warmed kiwi. Sooooooooooooo good!! I'm glad we were able to get it through customs though - Team Jayla had some wood-bound journals they'd bought as Christmas presents for Jason's family taken away when we went to Australia. I still don't get why they weren't allowed . . . I guess I just don't understand customs well enough. Which is understandable since I've only done that whole song and dance once. Well, three times technically. But it was all in one trip. Anyway. Kiwi tea = awesome.

You know what? I think I just might get my Halloween decorations out today or tomorrow. My mother will be scandalized - "absolutely no decorations out more than a month before the holiday!" - but I'm feeling festive.

P. ost S. cript
Crazy concept? Check. Silly song? Check. Slightly annoying? Possibly. But you won't be singing Vanilla Ice anymore. :-)

Sunday, September 20, 2009


No big rant or even topic today, just some random stuff that happened this week.

~ So one of the front wheels of Luke's car is practically about to fall off, so Luke's started walking to work since it's only about 15 minutes away and I pick him up since he gets off at midnight. So Monday while I'm walking back to the apartment I'm walking under the porch or walkway of whatever that's lets the people on the second floor get to their door and I feel something fall on the side of my head. I figure it's . . . actually, I had no idea what it was, but I kind of shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair and I couldn't feel anything, so I figured whatever it was just kept falling right on down. If only. So I get into our apartment and I'm taking my shoes off and I feel/hear something fall and there on the floor, having just fallen out of my hair, is this GINORMOUS SPIDER!!!!!! Seriously, it was, like, twice the size of a quarter. Have I ever mentioned I'm rather arachnophobic? And that the intensity of said arachnophobia is directly proportional to a) the size of the spider, b) if it's moving, and c) how fast it moves? Because . . . yeah. It was big. And moving. Slowly, but it moved. *insert scream here* Except for I'm not really a screamer. Mostly because - especially when I'm startled by the sudden appearance of spiders - mine is a rather paralyzing fear. I seriously couldn't move or speak for a minute or two. And of course Luke was in the bathroom, and I couldn't let that thing get away, so I had to go get the little dust buster vaccuum we got to suck up box elder bugs ad suck the thing up. And of course, because my luck is like that, we had neither used it nor put it on the charger for a while, so there wasn't very much suck left in it. (side note - if a vacuum really sucks, is that a good thing?) So I'm holding the vacuum up in the air watching as the spider sloooooooooowly gets dragged into it (it's clear . . . Luke likes to watch the little bugs he's just sucked up wader around inside it) and listening to the sucking sound slowly die and hoping it'll last long enough to get the spider inside. You know how in monster movies when someone's getting sucked into some weird flower monster's mouth and they hold onto the floor trying to slow the sucking down? It looked kind of like that. the good news is, there was just enough suck left to get the spider in. Neither of us had ever seen a spider that looked like that before. Luke was bored a couple days later at work so he googled it, and apparently it was a cat-faced spider. And super luckily they don't bite unless you really goad them into it. This thing was in my hair!!! Holy traumatizing. Seriously, I keep imagining I feel something falling onto me . . . I hate spiders.

~ Thursday Luke was off. We went to Preston. I know, it sounds really lame, but Luke's a huge Napoleon Dynamite geek and he's been dying to go ever since he found out how close it was. I was rolling my eyes the whole time. Drew and I were talking later, and like we said, people around here may love Napoleon, but nobody here goes to Preston. Because Tremonton and Richmond and Smithfield are all exactly like Preston. But it was fun . . . even though I did feel a little silly going into King's and DI and taking pictures. But it was pretty cool to be driving down the street and suddenly seeing Pedro's house. Even though we were looking for it, it was still a little bit of a surprise to see it - it looked so familiar, and yet I've never in my life been to Preston before, unless you count driving through it a million times when I was younger. I'd never been off Main Street, so I don't count those times. We did take a lot of pictures, I need to get them up on facebook.

~ I have a job . . . sort of. Aunt Loretta hooked me up and now I'm a reading aide sub for North Park And Millville Elementaries. I have no idea how often I'll be working, but it's better than nothing. On that note, however, if you hear of something full-time or even part-time with more consistent hours, I'm totally still up for that.

~ So I'm the ward chorister for sacrament meeting. Well, one of them . . . we switch off every week. I was the RS chorister in Florida, so when I was called it didn't seem like a big deal. But I don't pick the songs this time around. All four songs today had four verses. And we sang all four of all four. I made the mistake (I kid!) of telling my visiting teacher about my old calling (because it's hers here), and let's just say I'm really glad she didn't need me to fill in for her today as she has before, because by the end of sacrament my arm was DEAD! I should probably start doing push ups or something. Maybe one-handed push ups.

~ Okay, last one. Luke has, like, no experience with little kids. I don't think he's ever even held a baby. That would be such a weird concept to me if I hadn't met about a dozen other people like that before I met Luke. Anyway, today in Sunday School there was a baby in front of us, just a few months old. And the baby had the hiccups. (side note - aren't baby hiccups one of the cutest things in the world?!) Luke starts chuckling a little, so I ask him what's so funny, and he leans over to me and whispers "That baby is malfunctioning." I almost cracked up, which would have been awkward since we were in the middle of the lesson. But seriously, how funny is that?! Luke is always saying silly things like that. It's like I'm in a never-ending episode of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" . . . except Luke's, like, 26. Well, almost. Things will certainly be interesting when/if we have kids. (Aunt Loretta - isn't that almost better than a Tannerism even?!)

Aaaaaanyway . . . yeah. That's all. Good times.

P. ost S. cript
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I only watch the audition episodes of American Idol.