Monday, July 25, 2011

That's Good to Know. Blast!

Have you ever seen one of those Random Weird Disorder commercials, and as they're listing off all these symptoms that seem like they go with pretty much everything found yourself thinking, "hey, that sounds kind of like me?"

I haven't.

Have you ever noticed that you can self diagnose practically everything except maybe cancer with internet tests these days?

That one . . . I have.

A few weeks ago, for a variety of reason, I found myself looking into Social Anxiety Disorder self tests. They all had those scoring systems where 1-5 or whatever was normal and 6-10 is a little wacko and 11-15 means you may as well just have yourself committed already - you know?

I took four. All four scores were off the charts high.


Okay, so all the sites made it clear that even the most astronomical score is not actually a diagnosis (just an indicator that you really need to go get an official one), and they didn't tell me anything I didn't already kind of know, and I really don't want to start using this "diagnosis" as a crutch or anything (and please, smack me thoroughly upside the head if I do!) . . . but still. Semi-officially becoming a head case? Sigh.

I really have thought there must be something like this going on in my head for a while. The mere idea of doing anything unfamiliar or meeting anyone new is almost cripplingly terrifying. I like to think no one would ever guess, because I've gotten really good at faking my way with people/things until I'm comfortable with them. Actually, the only thing I've never been able to fake my way through is talking in church, which tends to bring on mild panic attacks.

I've always been what one would clinically call Super-Duper-Really-Really-Very-Much-Ultra-Shy. (official term right there, lol) I have a very vague memory of being five or six and at my grandparents' house in New Mexico. My uncle (the one closer to my mom's age, not mine) came over so I was hiding in a bedroom . . . because for some reason I was a little afraid of him when I was a kid. No idea why whatsoever - I just was. I don't remember the whole situation . . . just my mother insisting I come out and say hello . . . to the point that she was dragging me down the hall and grandma's little blue hat thing got knocked off the wall and I got plopped in a chair across the table from him and couldn't lift my eyes out of my lap. I wish I could remember more details, but that's it.

That kind of sums up how I've always been when things are unfamiliar. I freeze up, clam up, and try to sneak out. Unless, you know, I'm at work or something. Dude, my first couple of months at Disney were a bit like torture - it's a good thing I started out at Honey, where I didn't have to actually talk to anyone most of the time! And of course it only intensifies my hopes of going back to Ellis next month. Now that I'm pretty comfortable there it would be awful to have to start over again.

Honestly, this doesn't change anything much. I guess it's nice to have a name for my personal version of nutjob, but it's not like I'm going to be going to therapy or trying to get on some medication or something. It's manageable, just frustrating. And I can't decide if I should feel differently now. Should knowing what it's called make me more shy? Less? Is blogging about it going to make other people look at me differently? Treat me like a weirdo - or invalid?! I've mentioned once or twice that I had some "friends" in high school who were anything but . . . did that influence my condition? How much? We could never in a million years afford all the shrink appointments it would take to sort me out . . . so I guess it's a good thing I don't mind being a bit tangled. I think I might even like it. At the very least it makes me more human, right?

I keep telling myself that everyone has something wrong - or at least not quite right - about them, and at least I'm not, like, a pyro or klepto or something like that. And there's always that cliched old story about trading your burdens in for new ones and how everyone chooses to keep their own because it's the smallest cross or whatever . . . I better stop now before I start monstrously mangling metaphors.

On the plus-slash-probably-inappropriate side: does this mean I can finally voice all the opinions about those commercial drugs that I've never dared before? Because seriously, some of those side effects strike me as worse than the problem they're supposed to be treating. I mean, how desperate do you have to be to take something when the side effects include DEATH? It's like, "hey, you might die from taking this, but at least your legs won't itch when you go!" I'm sure it's a terribly unpleasant condition and I wouldn't wish it on anybody . . . but I think I'd take the itchy legs!

And on that slightly morbid attempt at humor . . .

P. ost S. cript
Happy Excuse to Shoot Off Fireworks Day! If you got yours in Wyoming . . . make sure you don't do this. (rated PG13 for "brief strong language" if you care about that sort of thing.)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

It's the Little Things

AKA "This Blog Should Really Be Called *insert mundane life here* But That Just Sounds Depressing."

So, umm, update: WE GOT MY CAR BACK YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been on a serious freedom high for the last 36 hours or so. No more being stranded while Luke's at work! No more bumming rides like a twelve-year-old! No more carefully managing my time when I leave the house before it's time for Luke to go to work! It's an amazing feeling, and I have to admit the cabin fever has been a little more intense thus far this summer . . . not that I would have been going much of anywhere anyway - I mean, let's be honest here - but just the fact that I couldn't go anywhere farther than the zoo even if I wanted to . . . it was kinda driving me nuts. What can I say, I like the independence that comes with having a car.

The neutral news: it's not fixed. Sort of. Our mechanic, who is great, just could not find anything wrong. He drove it around plenty, and it's clear the problem is there, so at least I'm not, like, hallucinating or something, but there just didn't seem to be anything to fix. So we're all going with the "it's an old car (because '97 is kind of old for a car) and she idles rough now and this is just the new normal for the old girl" explanation.

Side note: what is up with the whole referring to cars/boats/planes/whatever as female? It's really kinda dumb when you think about it . . . to bad most people don't think much anymore, ya know?

Anyway. Solidly on the good news side, since he didn't do anything more to the car than drive it around (well, and inspect it so we could renew the registration), the monstrous, going-to-have-to-max-out-our-card bill we'd been mentally preparing ourselves since, you know, April? Never materialized. YAY!

Bonus: it's a little too early to say, but one of the little problems might have been fixed. Ever since I got this car back from Ashli (and that's a LONG rant you do not want to get me started on!) there's been some sort of short in the dash or something and sometimes the needles don't work. Okay, well, sometimes none of the needles work and most of the time just the speedometer doesn't work. I've gotten really good at gauging my speed based on the other cars around me . . . seeing as it's been, you know, four years. It's too soon to tell because it was so unpredictable before, but so far all the needles have worked all the time - not that I've driven it much, just from Tremonton home yesterday and around town a bit today . . . but still. Encouraging!

So now the basic plan is this: my cute little red neon is the car I will use to go work and other places I go by myself (mostly because Luke doesn't like driving it for some reason) here in town, and anytime we go farther away then, like, North Logan we'll take the taurus. It's a lovely little plan, and can I just say I am SO glad we have it! I was seriously starting to worry that we would end up having to sell it, which would have been really depressing. She's my first car . . . and I admit I get a little ridiculously attached to inanimate objects. Especially if it's the first one (still have fond memories of the rented 3/4 size cello I started out on) or I've had it for a really long time. It would have been (and will be) a little heartbreaking to have to let this car go. Lots of good memories and stuff.

Random: on the inanimate object attachment note, the embroidery hoop I've had since I was 8? Broke on Sunday. Again, only one I've ever had and for nearly two . . . yeah, not finishing that sentence. It probably has something to do with the fact that it sat unused for, like, ten years (more, I think actually) and now I've been using it pretty constantly for . . . dude, almost a year now. Man, time flies, doesn't it?! On the plus side, the new one I bought Monday is a very pretty blue (favorite color! woot!) and I guessed the price absolutely spot on, which TOTALLY made my day. Okay, so it was $2.99 and I said $3 - but that's so close enough. :-)

And a second random: we decided to treat ourselves to some ice cream today in celebration of the car repair bill that wasn't, so we went to Coldstone. Because Coldstone rocks. In case you missed it on facebook, they have anew flavor - strawberry basil. It sounded so wrong that I just had to taste it. I really can't say it tastes bad (although Luke gagged rather dramatically), but heaven knows I wasn't surprised when the dude said it wasn't selling well. You can definitely taste both flavors, and while they are both very good, very tasty flavors . . . well, they are not flavors that go together and whoever thought they were needs to be committed. On the other hand, oatmeal cookie batter + salty caramel with brownies, strawberries, and cookie dough mixed in? Fabulously delicious. I highly recommend it.

P. ost S. cript
Dude, I knew this girl had a decent voice under all that autotune! (although this song could still use less of it) And while this is no "Bring Him Home" it's certainly less inane than that other song that shall not be named so that Katie will not start twitching, lol. Someone might save herself from permanent internet meme status after all!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Not Complaining, Just Saying

So. That was quite a bit of blogging. And a nice break afterward. And now - I'm back with a semi-existential question.

Anyway. My car has been in the shop for a month now. Literally. Over thirty days. Basically the mechanic agrees that it's doing something odd, but can't find anything wrong with it. Blargh. Maybe it's time to call the Cartalk guys.

But that is beside today's point. A couple of days ago after Luke called to check up on my poor car again we were talking. About how being an adult kind of sucks. And we came to a conclusion (if you can call a question a conclusion): where are all the perks?

Remember being a kid? And how everything was going to be so awesome once you grew up? You would be in charge and do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted and life was going to be one big party because no one could tell you what to do anymore.

Yeah, when does that part of life kick in?

I guess some of it has . . . sire, I can go to bed whenever I want - but stay at the Adventurer's Club until 2 am when you have to be to work at 7:30, and you're going to regret it. Go ahead, buy all the clothes and books and "toys" you want - but if you don't leave enough money to cover the bills you're rather royally screwed. Don't want to get out of bed? Go ahead, fake that cough and stay home - but work doesn't give make up tests.

I'm not saying either of us are unhappy with the way things are, because generally speaking we're quite content. I suppose the disillusionment is finally setting in. Life now was supposed to be an endless roller coaster ride around Willy Wonka's candy room, and instead I'm finding myself realizing just how cushy a gig I had back when I was nine. What's up with that anyway?

I hope I don't sound too depressing. We're still happy and laughing and having fun and all that good stuff. And there is the slight but definite possibility that things could really take an improving turn in the next few weeks (more on that if it happens). But at the moment I'm just feeling a little . . . blank, I suppose. Lacking. Like I missed switching onto the party train a few stations back and now I've got to figure out how to connect with it again. At least for now I'm cool with just staying on the happy train.

P. ost S. cript
The muppets make everything better. How long until Thanksgiving?! :-)

Monday, July 4, 2011


Day 30 ~ Movies you can watch again and again.

I highly doubt there will be any surprises on this list. :-)

~ Star Wars
~ Princess Bride
~ any Muppet movie
~ Spaceballs (even the dvd menu, lol. don't ask. seriously. you sooooooo don't want to know.)
~ most Disney movies, particularly the animated ones (especially: the Carnival of the Animals sequence from Fantasia 2000)
~ Pirates
~ Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth version, naturally)
~ Indiana Jones (except the 4th one . . . as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't exist. I mean, come on. TWENTY YEARS of script rewrites and that was the best they could come up with? THAT was what George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford could all finally agree on? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!!? but . . . I digress . . . )
~ Twilight . . . NOT

The End.

I'm rather impressed. :-)

Edit: And check out the quote of the day for today! "Every tale must end at last." How crazy fitting is that for the last of the 30 days of blogging stuff?! Creepy . . . *cue Twilight Zone music . . . or something*

P. ost S. cript
I suppose I should post something at least a little patriotic today shouldn't I? So here you go - if you haven't seen this movie, you totally should. It's hysterical, in a cheesy Disney '60s movie sort way. Seriously though. Really funny. Watch it.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


Day 29 ~ You favorite TV shows and why you like them.

I don't really watch a lot of TV these days (except, you know, for old people shows). On the other hand, in college I watched TONS of TV. I discovered this marvelous method of getting my homework done - find something I want to watch on TV, watch it while it's on and work during commercials. It was great because no matter how much I would be struggling with a stupid math problem (is there any other type of math problem, really?) I knew I had a break coming up in a few minutes so I could make myself keep working. And sometimes I'd be writing and really get going and keep right on going when the show came back. I know it wouldn't work for everybody, but it was perfect for me. By the time I was a senior that was almost the only way I could get any work done, and I had quite the set routine - on Mondays the Sci-Fi channel had a Stargate SG-1 marathon from six to midnight, Tuesdays were Gilmore Girls and The Amazing Race, Wednesdays was Lost and Alias, etc., etc., etc. And my freshman year I took an english comp class entitled The Rhetoric of Satire that left me completely hooked on The Daily Show to this day.

Once I got to Florida I pretty much stopped watching TV all together. I was either just too tired, or never home, or people were over and the last thing we were thinking about doing was watching TV. I'd channel surf from time to time (this would be when I discovered Bridezillas and Food Network's Cake Challenge) but there wasn't any show that I just HAD to see every week or anything.

Now there are a bunch of (mostly old) shows on our netflix instant queue. Mostly they're shows I've seen a few episodes of . . . and there are a lot of shows that aren't available on instant, which is really obnoxious. Anyway, I usually watch them on the weekends whilst stitching. Yeah, I need a life.

Anyway. A few of my favorites:

~ Stargate SG-1 - So. Awesome. So fun. So funny. And three really good looking guys!! As Stephen Colbert says, great show, or the greatest show ever? It's both.

~ The Daily Show/The Colbert Report - hysterical. True. Depressingly accurate . . . but that makes it funnier.

~ The Twilight Zone - sometimes creeps me out almost as much as Unsolved Mysteries, but I still love it. (and just to be clear, we're talking about the old school, black and white episodes from the '50s.) Thought-provoking and highly entertaining, if we had cable I would be watching it right now . . . assuming Sci-Fi still does their New Years/July 4th marathons. And I don't see why they wouldn't. (Even though I think they stopped doing Stargate Monday Marathons - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

~ The Price is Right - This one is pure nostalgia. I would LOVE to play Plinko someday, but I refuse to watch it again until Bob Barker comes out of retirement. (side note: this guy? Totally know him. Worked at BLT with me and Luke. One of the sweetest people I've ever met . . . miss him tons.)

~ Phineas and Ferb - okay, this one is going to have to cover all the cartoons I love or this list would never end, because this is one area in which I refuse to grow up. P&F is awesome though. Kind of like the Muppets in that there are a lot of jokes for adults hidden in there too. Really fun, really funny, and it was pretty much always on in the tank break room back in the day . . . and more than a few of us got busted for not going back to work when our breaks were over because we were watching P&F.

There are more great shows out there, but I think these pretty much cover my favorites.

P. ost S. cript
He who does not laugh at this - has no sense of humor.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Getting Worse

So. Three guesses as to how I spent my Friday night last night.

Actually, only one. Because if you know me at all, that's all you need.

Yep. Wheel of Fortune. BUT--

Not only was my AWESOME Friday night spent watching Wheel of Fortune . . . it was a rerun. How do I know? I've watched it before. So I recognized it. In fact, it may very well have been the episode I watched this Friday night.


Aunt Tawnya - how's that lap quilt coming? :-) Clearly I need another one more than I thought!

*cue maniacally depressing laughter*

P. ost S. cript
Oh, how I love these commercials.

Friday, July 1, 2011


Day 28 ~ Cruise a thesaurus and pick out ten words you like the sound of.











P. ost S. cript
Gotta start watching Sesame Street again . . .