I Do Not Need My Own Sad Commercial Where You Can Feed Me for Pennies a Day, Thank You!

Or: In Which Lacey is Fascinated by Other People's Fascination With Her Stomach (And by Stomach I Actually Mean the Organ with which One Digests Food, Let's Just Get Those Assumptions Out of the Way Right Now)

Everybody kept up with me?  Okay, great, the end.

But seriously though.  What is up with people?

This is my fourth (full) year at Ellis.  Every one of those years I have had a lunch break, mostly because there is a point in the school day where all the kids are at lunch so there's just not much of anything for an aide to do and what there has been to do has been assigned to others.  So I find myself with a half hour or so to kill and fill it with whatever I can find.  I have never actually eaten lunch on my lunch break because I have always gone home within an hour of that break and it's always made more sense to just wait and eat at home than to pack a lunch or to pay for one from the cafeteria.

Every year I get comments about the fact that I don't eat lunch.  Every year I (less and less patiently) explain yet again (because it always seems to be the same people) that I am perfectly capable of going without a meal for an additional 30-60 minutes and prefer to eat then.  And every year it's the same people who can't seem to remember/get over the idea of me going FOUR WHOLE HOURS without gorging myself at a buffet or something.  (and yes, Katie, it's those two.)

Now let's get one thing straight right now: I look like I could be pregnant.  My body seems to sit naturally at that look that asks "did she eat an extra taco at lunch or is she three months along?"  Well, to put it bluntly, I've been three months along since I was about 14.  I don't know if I just have an abnormally rotund uterus or what, but that's just how I look.  And most days I'm okay with that.  But it seems that with some people there is just something about me, and I can only assume it's the permanent-food-baby (because I have no idea what else it could be), that gives off this aura of "I can't go more than a few minutes without food."

Seriously, I am SO glad I don't see much of any of the other aides this year, especially at lunch.  Because if I had to spend another day (much less year) listening to

"Oh my goodness, I don't know how you last so long without eating!"

and

"Aren't you just starving?!"

and

"I'm so impressed!  I don't have your willpower!"

and the like, I don't know that I could vouch for the survival of either myself or the commenters.

I mean, don't get me wrong, if you're going around offering fresh pineapple and Belgian chocolate I am not going to turn up my nose at them.  Heck, let's be honest here - old, hard skittles and chocolate sprinkles will usually satisfy me just as much.  But is there really something about me that says "I am Augustina Gloop!"?

And don't even get me started on the part where MY SHIFT LASTS FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS. And they know that because everyone is limited to three and a half hours.  (except I did get that extra hour starting last week, yay!  but my point stands.)  Like, sure, I'm ready to eat pretty soon after I get home.  But if you can't go three hours without eating a full meal . . . like, you need to get that diagnosed, you know?  And . . . like . . . stop projecting that on to random other people going four or five hours between meals.  Because if you're older than, like, four or something?  And you're just starving after three hours?  Dude, I don't know what to tell you.  Other than the problem you have with me not eating is probably actually a problem you have with you eating.  Or not eating.  I don't know.  I'm not a shrink.

Anyway . . . yeah.  I'm self conscious enough about food (aren't we all?).  But do any of you see a reason these people won't leave me alone?


P. ost  S. cript
In case you needed proof that marching band/color guard > football.  Because that's just how it is.  (I'd say the whole video is proof, but the solid stuff is at the end.  The ones carrying metal didn't even blink, the ones wearing padding ran like little girls.)

Information Gathering

So I know you're all so totally wrapped up in my life and hanging on my every word around here that you don't need any reminder in the least . . . but. ;-)

The whole NaNoWriMo thing?  Still happening.  I think I even have a pretty good plot idea . . . which I shall be keeping under wraps.  *cue the hearts of the plagiarists of the world breaking*  I really like it - it may even be good enough for trying to publish when I'm done, although that remains to be seen.  Either way it'll feel good to be (non-blog) writing again.  I've missed it.

Anyway.  I'm planning on spending the summer doing some prep work - sketching a bit of an outline and making up a dramatis personae.  (side note: doesn't that sound so much more literature-y than character list?  I should get bonus points with publishers just for knowing the term, lol!)

Anyway.  I'm currently still in the process of naming (and in some cases creating) characters.  I've mentioned . . . okay, mostly ranted . . . about it a few times before, but I am a total names junkie.  As in, I can spend hours reading articles about baby names.  And picking and re-picking names to use on theoretical future children.  (this is the part where I should probably not admit that at one time I was absolutely determined to saddle some poor girl with Alexandriana.  that would be tougher to learn than Ashleigh Elizabeth . . . which apparently almost happened.)  But I sometimes get the feeling that I get lost in all the names.  You know how if you read or say a word over an over for some reason it starts to look and/or sound wrong?  Like when you're correcting a spelling test and by the time you get to the end you're not sure if the kid who spelled it "August" got it right . . . or the kid who spelled it "Ogst" did.

Also - that, you know, totally didn't happen last week.  And Katie totally doesn't need to go through those tests again to double check them.  (one of those sentences is true, lol)

So I need a little outside perspective.  I have a few names I like and am possibly kicking around for this story . . .or maybe another one . . . or possibly a child, although I'm trying to stick to names I don't quite like that much for characters.  Because I like so many names - especially girl names.  Anyway.  Since it's me, by a few I naturally mean pretty much every name I like in every possible version and with every possible spelling that doesn't look like a made-up Polish word or the ultimate in secure, unbreakable passwords.  Which do you prefer, why, what kind of character comes to mind when you hear that name?  (and at this point at least all the characters are pretty WASPy so keep that in mind if a particular name calls to mind a Polynesian princess or something.  that's the perspective I'm looking for.)

Also I'm just a huge dork who wants to know what everyone else thinks about a bunch of not-quite-random name variations.

Voila!:

Julie/Julia/Julianne/Julianna

Marie/Maria

Claire/Clara/Clarissa(?)

Clarissa/Marissa/Melissa

Sara/Sarah

Jennifer/Jenny/Jenna/Jen

Katherine/Catherine

Katherine/Katrina/Katya/Katerina

Olivia/Sophia

Rachel/Rachelle/Raquel

Adrianne/Adrianna

Adrianne/Emmaline  (Is pronouncing it Emma-leen too out there?)

Beatrice/Ophelia

Jacob/James

John/Jonathan

Caleb/Kevin

Nathan/Nathaniel

Alec/Alex

Philip/Phillip

 Quin for a boy - has it become to girly?
Quin for a girl - too trendy?

Brendon/Brandon

Brad/Brett(Bret)/Brian(Bryan)

Christian/Christopher

Theodore(Ted/Teddy)/Tobias(Toby)

Ian/Issac

Mark/Marcus


I could seriously go on for days . . . but I'll spare you.  I get the feeling you're already bored. :-)

I need to find a less nerdy hobby.



P. ost  S. cript
Some days it doesn't take much at all to crack me up.

Seeking Biased Answers

So. Last week. Fourth grade. There's a little bit of down time while the class is elsewhere, so I'm chatting with the volunteer mom who comes in and checks in homework in the mornings. Among other things, it comes up that she works at Convergys, so naturally I mention that "my husband" works there too. She asks who he is and it turns out they know each other and there's all the crazy "small world, isn't it?" stuff and whatever . . . and then she mentions that she didn't realize I was married. And that she never would have guessed that I was.

That was not the first time I've had that conversation in recent memory.

I'm confused.

It's not like I'm trying to hide my marital status . . . on the other hand, I am also not flaunting the ring on my left hand in everyone's faces either. Mostly because I didn't even do that when we got engaged. And I'm used to the surprise from the kids when they find out I'm married. It's always so interesting to see which ones are interested and how many other questions they ask. And a certain young Eric, whom I'm pretty sure has had a crush on me for 3 years now, has reacted with pure shock and disbelief (and probably a little disappointment, lol) 3 times now upon hearing the news. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm at least ten years younger than all the other aides. And . . . the fact that I go by "Miss Lacey" might have something to do with it. Maybe.

But seriously - the adult thing. I just do. Not. Get it. I can see the not realizing it thing, like I said I don't exactly flaunt it. But the would never have guessed it thing? The never occurred to them it was possible thing? I'm baffled. And I realize that while no one reading this is even remotely able to give an unbiased answer because, well, you people know me, I have to ask - do I send out some sort of single vibe? Do I exude some single-ready-to-mingle party girl aura? Where is this coming from? I. Am. Confused.

Maybe I should start drinking. Apparently I could score plenty of free drinks - even with the rock on my finger. And mostly I can't think of anything else that being single can get you for free at the moment. :-)


P. ost S. cript
From the "glad we didn't have a videographer file" . . . :-)

Something Tangible

Ummmmmmm . . . yes please. Delivered to me by its captain, please. (and in the flesh, not in gingerbread!!)



So this whole post is all about me being a cliche wrapped in a . . . I don't know, something else cliched. But while I totally have no shame about not making New Year's resolutions, I do sometimes feel a little left out when people talk about theirs. Not so much in a "hey, can't I play?" sort of way as much as a "hey, maybe I am missing out on something good" sort of way. And so, even though I do have a goal - sort of - for the new year, it's another forever ongoing one kind of like last years, so it kind of feels like another cop-out . . . sort of. So I'm adding something else. Something that has to be done within the calender year of 2012. Something that can be measured, success-wise. And this post - all of you - are going to be what makes sure I don't back out at the last minute . . . assuming, I suppose that there are still people reading a year from now.

Have you heard of NaNoWriMo? It's kind of a big deal, in a comparatively small circle. Anyway, here's the "tl;dr" version - National Novel Writing Month. Every November. The idea is that you write word one on November 1, and by the end of the month the goal is to have written 50,000 words. That works out to about 175 pages, which is a good first draft of a novella or a good beginning to a longer novel. Of course, it is just a first draft, and likely to need lots of editing and other work - far from publication ready, or even submission ready! I sometimes get the feeling that a lot of people forget that, and that's where Lacey's worst books ever written come from.

Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway.

I've been wanting to do NaNoWriMo for a few years now, but there's a lot more involved than just picking up a pen on November first. You have to at least have, you know, an idea for a story. Some thoughts about where it's going. It takes some prep work. And every year around this time I tell myself I'm going to do it next year . . . and every year I forget about it until November 1, at which point it's pretty much too late because I have no ground work laid to work from. But let's be honest - I will never have the free time to spend churning out 1600 words a day for 30 straight days like I do now (and currently anticipate having this time next year . . . just so that's established). So that's where all the cliches come in - "now is the time" and "if a goal isn't written down it's only a dream" and all that trite, cheesy goodness.

Here it is. I'm writing it down. I'm doing it. I'll spend the next ten months outlining and character creating and all that jazz and come November I'll be ready to go. Maybe I'll register officially, maybe I'll just do it on my own. But I'm doing it, and I'm hoping you'll all help me keep on track and not forget about it.

For starters . . . anyone have a story idea? :-)



P. ost S. cript
For those of you still frantically searching for a Christmas present from me, lol . . . this.

(the sound quality isn't the best . . . if you can't tell, it's that "BWONG!!!!" sound from Inception . . . which would also make me an awesome present.)

Not Making Waves

I've kind of really been wanting to post this as my facebook status for a little while now, but I have the feeling it would open a can of worms I'd rather not deal with at the moment. Especially if the reason my car wouldn't start today when I tried to leave work is not the starter . . . but that is a rant for another time . . . maybe.

So. Today's discussion:

If it was not also a dessert, the name "Cobbler" would be just as popular as the name "Cooper."

Because seriously, there are kids out there named "Barrel-maker." What is up with that? Sure, I'm not saying you have to go all Lo-ruhamah and Ruhamah or whatever. (and let's not go into how freaking hard it is to find something when you know what your looking for but don't remember the actual reference or even the vicinity of where to look . . . for the record these aren't even the names I was looking for!)

But seriously, can't you at least spare a thought for when the kid tries to look up his name someday? Imagine -

"My name means princess!"

"My name means a strong and mighty wind!"

"My name means lion-hearted!"

"My name means . . . maker of barrels . . . "

And my name means I got a rock.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a two-line post. So I shall stop and save up my rant juice for something really good.

But I mean it - yay or nay on all those hypothetical Cobblers? :-)


P. ost S. cript
So I'm not generally one for all the gazillion singing shows on tv lately but since it's been at least 3 seasons since Dancing with the Stars cast anyone I was interested in watching I needed something new to occupy my time on Monday nights. And this? Fills it nicely. Holy freaking ALL VOCAL. Check it out. Seriously.

More than the Job

It's so frustrating when your job status is up in the air. I've had a lovely (if sometimes dull) summer, and now it's time to start wondering/worrying about whether I'll be back at school in a few weeks, and in what capacity. It'll be so great to be able to go back, both because then I'll have something to keep me much more occupied, and because I feel a little useless at times while we're living off just Luke's paycheck. Like I'm not contributing anything to our little family. Luke keeps telling me that I do and pointing out all the . . . well, for lack of a better term, housewife-ly . . . things I do. Things that need done that he either can't do (like cook) or it would be a pain in the butt for him to add to his chore list just considering demands on time. (like laundry . . . on the major plus side, Luke cleans the bathroom. I'll willingly do everything else just for that!)

So on the one hand I know there's nothing wrong with the way we've got things set up because it works for us. On the other hand, so much of a person's worth in the eyes of other people is tied to that person's job. It made it really hard for me when it was taking me so long to find one - and since that wasn't so long ago the idea of having to start hunting again for any reason really freaks me out. Especially since there is a person out there who called me lazy, and said I needed to "just grow up already, and go get a job."

I still don't know quite what to think of that. For, what, 3 years now all anyone can talk about is how everyone in the freaking country is having trouble getting a job and my problem is that I'm lazy? How is a person even supposed to respond to that? I don't know if the comment was just evidence of a callous personality, thoughtlessness, or their inability to deal with personally knowing someone stuck in crappy job search mode. All I know is that I literally cried myself to sleep that night.

So I keep reminding myself that I - and everyone else - am more than just my job. More than just what I do on a daily basis, both during the school year and during the summer. Everyone has layers to them. Everyone has different things to offer. Everyone out there is more than just their job. I am more than just my job.

It's been months said that person said that. Honestly, I don't really think about it much anymore. But occasionally I do, especially at points in time like now. And I'm realizing that the sting of the statement is probably never going to go away. It's not that surprising; it was a cruel thing to say, and it came at one of the times I was feeling the most useless. But when it comes to mind, I just remind myself that they didn't know what they were talking about. That Luke and I are both okay with our situation (although we wouldn't say no to substantial raises, lol). And that's all that really matters.

And if, heaven forbid, I don't get a phone call in the next couple of weeks . . . well, I guess I'll find something new. Even if it takes another year.

(but keep those prayers and voodoo rituals and stuff coming, k?)


P. ost S. cript
So I was watching this extreme thrills thing on the Travel Channel this morning and they included zorbing. Totally made me want to go back to Rotorua. However, seeing as the only US location, Pigeon Forge, is about a day's drive from where Team Jayla is currently residing . . . well, Tennessee it is! We'll just have to get out there for a visit. Because this? Is awesome. (but zigzagging is better.)

Run That By Me Again?

Dear Ice Cream Van That Drives By My New Place Daily,

Let me just start by saying: I love you. It makes my day to hear you come by. And let's just say that it's a good thing that we generally don't have cash on hand around here, because it would not last long with you around.

That said, I have a bit of a question . . .

Correct me if I am wrong, but I do believe that it is June. The halfway point in the year. Halfway between last Christmas and next. One could in fact argue that at this time of year one is as far from Christmas as one could get.

So. Why on earth is it that half the time you come around . . . I hear you playing Christmas songs? I'm sorry, but charming little tunes like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" just do not sound the same when it's 75* outside.

Now, I will admit that something of this sort could possibly work . . . in Florida . . . or southern California . . . in December. And I realize you might have easily confused this place for somewhere like that, what with how swelteringly hot it's been around here the last couple of months, you know? Such an easy mistake!

But I have to say the last straw of weirdness was hearing you play "O Come All Ye Faithful." Really, Ice Cream Van? Really? What is that about? Why? Just . . . why? I'll admit, it's a lovely song. I'm a fan. But to hear such a sweet, inspiring carol (not song - carol) from the tinkling of your sound system - it's just not right. And I'm still confused.

Don't get me wrong, if a five dollar bill happens to come my way in the next few months I will most certainly be sharing some (perhaps all) of it with you. But can I just say - stick to "it's a small world." Please.

Love,
Lacey


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I would love to have been a bystander watching the awkward! :-)

How I'm Spending My Summer Vacation 2.0, OR: A Series of Totally Awesome Ideas by Lacey

Also known as: Probably the Longest Title in the History of Blog Titles Ever. (two subtitles!! Take that . . . ummmmmm . . . subtitle-ers!!!)

Anyway.

So I'm looking forward to (in a literal, not eager sense) at least three months of more or less nothing to do. And I've been anticipating this for a couple of months already and remembering last summer and how bored I got some days and what the crap am I going to do and I really need to find some sort of big project or something to do and preferably one that involves being somewhere with air conditioning in the afternoons as opposed to being outside. And at some point whilst I'm trying to come up with a totally fantabulous project I was killing time clicking around on facebook - because really, does anybody do anything else these days? - and I was looking at someone's pictures (don't remember whose, but they were family) and I saw a picture . . . either of me, or of an event I was at, don't quite remember which . . . and I distinctly remember thinking "What the crap?! I've never seen that picture before!" Or something like that. Anyway, it got me thinking. There are lots of pictures out there. More specifically, there are clearly a lot of family pictures out there. Even more specifically there are a lot of family pictures out there that are not in the possession of the person/family in them. So not everyone gets to see them/know they exist. Now back in the day (i.e., fifteen+ years ago) this made sense because to make tons of copies of a picture would get super expensive. But these days you just scan them into the 'puter and put them online then whoever wants them can print their own copy . . . genius idea #1!

Now, I do not have a lot of pictures anyone other than Luke and I would be interested in. On the other hand, my parents have plenty of pictures I could see the four of us fighting over once they croak. But if their are digital copies, we can each make as many as we want. Score! So I start asking my mother to borrow her huge stack of pictures sitting in this corner of her closet, but every time I bring it up she has some excuse. I'm beginning to think there is some pretty incriminating evidence of . . . something in there, so if anybody has the juicy details fill me in! :-P Anyway, expanding the view back even more I start thinking, hey, I've got two sets of grandparents who have a massive butt-load of pictures and even more people who probably would like copies. And I certainly have more free time and (at least theoretically, although perhaps not in actuality) more techno-savvy, so why don't I do it? Genius idea #2!

So Dad's parents came down in . . . the end of March-ish? . . . for a funeral and bring with them four massive binders of pictures, and I'm thinking I'll just start a flickr account for each side of the family and give everybody the password and then everybody who wants copies or wants to add pictures can. Then I look into actually doing that and it turns out that the free flickr accounts are REALLY limited when it comes to how many pictures you can add - to the point of uber-impracticality for this project. So there goes that idea. Epic fail #1.

But then I find out that facebook has this thing called family groups (tangent: what happened to groups on facebook, anyway? All these stupid "fan" pages that should really be groups . . . LAME!) that's well . . . for families - go figure. It's totally private and stuff, and it seems like the perfect way to share all the pictures because everybody can add any they want. Genius idea #3!

That idea work perfectly for mom's side of the family since my dad is literally the only member over the age of 13 not on facebook. Not so much for dad's side since only the seven older cousins and my grandparents are there . . . still trying to figure out what to do there. But I'll probably be starting the Hulsey group tonight or tomorrow (unless of course I get an overwhelming number of comments opposing that idea . . . then again Grandma thinks it's an awesome idea so maybe I'll just pull her rank on all y'all and do it anyway, lol) so don't be confused when you see the invite. I'm thinking one group for Grandma & Grandpa's family and since I know a lot of Swapp cousins - most of whom I've never met - are on facebook too somebody ought to start a "one generation back" group too. That way it's organized . . . well, kinda like families are anyway. Cool, eh? Genius idea #4! (and whoever wants to start that one, go for it.)

Bad news wrapped in good news: Grandma Hulsey think my scanning the pictures idea is awesome. (both grandmas do, actually) So awesome, in fact, that she and Grandpa have already started scanning theirs in. So there goes that big old pile of pictures I was hoping could occupy me for a summer or two. Semi-epic fail #2.

Soooooooooooooo . . . yeah. I am hereby volunteering to scan any pictures anyone may wish to contribute to the facebook group/Lacey's summer project. And I'm totally looking forward to seeing what pops up once things get going. This is going to be fun! :-)

P ost S. cript
BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Help Here?

So raspberry cookies were rather an epic flop. Which is really disappointing since I used almost half a bottle in an attempt to compensate for the cooking off of flavor. But while the dough tasted aMAZing and the whole apartment smelled absolutely divine for a few days the cookies . . . totally bland. Tasted vaguely sugar cookie-ish. Smelled good though. And you could kind of taste the raspberry if you took a big sniff right before you took a bite - I'm sure we looked really weird whilst munching on them. So disappointing, especially because I was looking forward to trying this version with those chopped orange gummies. Seriously, how awesome does that sound?! Sad day!

I'm really confused. I mean, I know all about how the extracts bake off a bit . . . I've always at least doubled the vanilla in a recipe. But why are they baking off so thoroughly? I mean, what's the point of putting it in when there won't be the slightest taste of it in the finished product? Am I doing something wrong?

Luke thinks it's because it's imitation flavoring, which does make sense, but I've never seen pure versions of most of the flavorings in the baking aisle. Grrrrrr!!!!! Anyway, my next cookie experiment will be mint - pure mint - with Heath bits. YUM!!! My mouth waters just thinking about it.

(Also, I have a root beer cake in the oven right now . . . can't wait to see how that turns out!)

One other baking question while I'm appealing to the experts: every time I use this cookie recipe the cookies come out all flat and spread out like I forgot the flour or something. They taste normal, but they look like I completely messed up somewhere along the line. At first I thought it was because I was doubling the recipe (always do . . . otherwise not many cookies actually get baked!) and something got lost in the doubling and I needed to more than double the flour or something. So with the ras-flop cookies I did a single recipe and measured everything meticulously. And . . . nothing different. Could there be something wrong with the recipe? Luke thinks it's the oven, which admitedly is not really high quality, but everything else comes out fine - meatloaf, cakes, casseroles, pizza - even other kinds of cookies. So, so confused. Help!


And for those not related to me, a shameless plug - I have an awesome aunt. (Actually, I have multiple awesome aunts.) And she is an awesome cook. (Can't speak for the others, but I would assume so.) And she has an awesome cooking blog. Check it out! Bunches of yummy sounding recipes . . . I've only tried a few thus far, but they were great - and if I can follow them without screwing up, you know they're pretty fool-proof. Good times. You're welcome. ;-)

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Oh yes you can! I much prefer using a straw. :-)

Experiment Time!

Confession: I'm kind of a crappy cook. Well, I'm probably not that bad a cook, I just don't know how to cook anything. I have a very limited "actual food" repertoire. I feel a little bad for Luke . . . but at the same time, I know the kind of bachelor meals he was eating until recently so I figure even my hamburger helpers are at least a little bit of a step up. (And I make an awesome hamburger helper, if I do say so myself!) However, I am a pretty good baker, and I kinda love baking (not to mention the results!). And I've been baking a little more than usual lately - partly because I really have nothing else to do in the evenings, and partly so Luke can have some cookies to take to work to break up the monotony of baloney sandwiches all the time (I know, I'm such a '50s housewife, right? :-) However, I wear neither pearls, heels, nor cute-sy apron whilst baking.). Last week I made some chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips - my specialty, mostly because whenever I wanted to make chocolate chip cookies growing up there were no chocolate chips. It was the weirdest thing - whenever someone else decided to make cookies there were gobs and gobs of chocolate chips, but when I went to make cookies they all disappeared. I think I must have really offended the chocolate chip gods in a previous life or something. :-)

Anyway. The cookies I made last week. I decided to experiment a little, so I tossed some cinnamon in the mix. I thought they turned out pretty good, and Luke declared them the best cookies he'd ever tasted after one bite. Yay!! I'd been thinking about how to vary up the cookies and brownies and adding stuff like nutmeg and ginger and stuff seemed like a good idea to start with. Then last week (same day I made the cookies, actually) we decided to get a bold and splurge-y and rent a movie (side note - you might want to stay away from us for a while as I'm fully expecting one of our cars to quite literally blow up sometime soon now). We rented Extract because we'd seen the trailer a couple of times on other movies we'd rented and it looked pretty good. Long story short: amusing, but not nearly as good as the trailer looked. One of those movies where pretty much all the good/funny parts are in the trailer.

Anyway, the title comes from the fact that the main character is the owner of an extract plant - you know, flavorings. And at one point he mentions that his mom used to make root beer cookies. And, as I'm sure you all could immediately guess, my first thought was something along the lines of "Root beer cookies?!?! Holy crap that sounds fantabulously amazing!!!!!! How do you make those??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!" And after a few more minutes of thought I recall that the cookies I made just a few hours before called for - *drum roll* - vanilla extract. Stroke of genius, let me tell you. So, (I thought) what if I just switched that one little cookie ingredient with, say, extract of root beer? Pineapple? Cherry? Almond? And now suddenly all these visions of amazing cookies are dancing in my head a la Christmas Eve sugarplums, and it was all I could do not to rush out right then and by out every type of flavoring to be found at both Walmart and Smith's and maybe a few other stores along the way.

And then Aunt Sandra posts this awesome recipe on her cooking blog (oh . . .yeah . . . belated plug alert!), and that recipe is pretty much the only reason I want this book, so pretty much the rest of my year has been made. I can't wait to start experimenting with random/crazy/yummy/sweet tooth satisfying completely original (because even if you've already thought of it, I'm going to claim it as my own) concoctions! This is going to be so much fun!!! Although I have to admit I'm a little hesitant to try out cherry almond cookies, because just the idea reminds me of that one lotion - I think it's Jergen's . . . ? - because that's their standard scent, and it smells so yummy that I can practically taste it whenever I use the lotion. So would the cookies be absolutely amazing, or taste so much like the lotion smells that I would psychologically gross myself out. These are the problems with being an insatiable sweet tooth. Go ahead, be jealous. :-)

So. This is my official call for flavor suggestions, recommendations, and dares. Any that turn out especially amazing or nasty just might end up documented here. Things are going to get interesting . . .

P. ost S. cript
So, so funny. If you haven't seen the whole thing, you really should. Good times.