Thursday, September 16, 2010

Update: Still Insane

So I was thinking the other day . . . about how weird it was that . . . wait for it . . . most of the kids I'm working with this year have normal names! Well, normal-ish. Then yesterday I got another of my assignments (only one more group to go!) . . . and almost immediately I decided I had to do another stupid name rant.

Because seriously? The stupidity does not seem to be abating. To be quite honest, I'm just glad I haven't run into any unfortunates with this name yet. Because . . . really? Really? Really?!?!?! Do I even have to get into my rant for that one? Surely everything I could possibly think of to say is apparently obvious to . . . well, clearly not everyone - but I cannot be in the minority here.

But like I said, the names I'm hearing this year are pretty okay. There are a few unusual ones, but I'm chalking them up to being normal hispanic names. Because they probably are. There is one fourth grader whose name I keep mispronouncing in my head - glad I haven't had to say it out loud yet. Then there's one third grader with a crazy name. I can't help but think that his parents should have just gone all the way and named him Rover or something because he has a dog name, dangit! Okay, I suppose that's open to argument, but child of the 90s that I am, I hear this word-name being used as a name, and I think "dog." Anytime. Every time. I've heard it as a kid's name before this and just . . . no.

So yesterday. I find out I'll be spending my last hour of work back in the second grade classroom I was in last year. Good times. I'm a little worried that I'll try to call the kids by the names of the kids who sat in their desk last year - that could be a little awkward. :-) Anyway, this is where the bits of crazy creep in. There's a girl named after an Egyptian goddess. Which in theory is kind of awesome, and I'm all for ethnic names and all . . . but if you're going to use a name like Sacajawea or Tutenkhamen or something really obvious like that, you kinda need to, like, be that ethnicity. Otherwise, I just don't think it works. It's like the kid's parents used the "let's show off how educated and pretentious we are through our children" line of name selection.

Anyway, I knew her name before hand, having noticed it on the little stars outside the room with everyone's name on them. And I went in hoping she was quite obviously Egyptian . . . Arabic . . . Middle Eastern . . . you know, whatever. Anything but paler than a gamer geek in a basement. Also, as soon as I saw her name star I started hoping I would be in that room and that I would have reason to mention her often on the blog - just as soon as I decide whether to refer to her as Hathor or Osiris. Because, yes, I am that much of a Stargate nerd . . . and Seth is a "real" name, so that's not an option. So for now at least, she shall be known as Hathsiris. Anyway, I met this Hathsiris yesterday . . . and she is as WASPy as I am. Attention parents of Hathsiris: if you are also Stargate nerds, the fail becomes an epic win. :-)

There is also a boy with a name that I am about 95% certain is Biblical. However, his parents took the "find the largest 'begat, begat, begat' passage and randomly choose a name from the middle" naming route.

I feel so sorry for these kids. Granted, they're all part of an entire generation of bizarre/crazy/bad/whatever names so on the one hand I suppose they don't actually stand out as much as they would otherwise. But being one of thirty people with absolutely off the wall names doesn't make the double takes people give yours any slighter.

Okay, so apparently I don't have a rant in me this time around, more of a "holy crap, really?" moment. Except when it comes to Abcde. I mean, really? Abcde? ABCDE?!?!?!?!?! As a name?!?!?! You know what? That's not just stupid - it's lazy. It screams of a parent who never passed the first grade. It sounds like all parties involved somehow forgot that once a baby is born it, you know, kinda needs a name, so they just scribbled down the first letters they could think of on the birth certificate. Are you trying to set the kid up for a career as an identity thief or what? That is not creative . . . it's the most unoriginal way to try to look creative . . . ever. So. Not. Right. Sooooooooooooooooooo. Many. Levels.

I'm gonna go let my head explode now.

P. ost S. cript
There are no words to describe how tempting this must be to anyone trying to find a place to park within about ten miles of USU campus. Especially on nights when there's a game. Now that is something I'll have to rant about sometime soon!


  1. I know who Hathsiris is (trying to remember her brothers name right now, but its escaping me) but you'll have to tell me who the dog and the begat are.

  2. How does one pronounce "Abcde"? I'm at a loss...

    I sent you an email, but I REALLY want you to email back and tell me the names...

  3. Oh, I second Tawnya on the e-mail

  4. Working in a hotel, I come across all sorts of odd, unusual, or otherwise unpronounceable names.

    I think my favorite was when we had a guest by the name of Michael Jackson (yes, this was AFTER he died)... we have a children's activity club at our resort, called the Neverland Club. One of our room assigners blocked his room, and put a comment on the reservation: "Room 1938. Do not move. Near Neverland"

  5. Thank goodness! No one gets what I'm talking about when I rant about people giving their kids retarded names. I once knew a kid named Satchel, and I joked behind his back that his siblings would be name Rucksack and Suitcase. Shayne doesn't notice. He came across the name Adenrele (pronounced uh-DEN-ruh-LAY) and was really pushing for it to be on our list of baby names. I've vetoed it at least a hundred times.

  6. Dude, Satchel is more of a dog name than the dog name I was talking about! Satchel is from "Get Fuzzy." Satchel is A FREAKING COMIC STRIP DOG NAME!!!!!