It's so frustrating when your job status is up in the air. I've had a lovely (if sometimes dull) summer, and now it's time to start wondering/worrying about whether I'll be back at school in a few weeks, and in what capacity. It'll be so great to be able to go back, both because then I'll have something to keep me much more occupied, and because I feel a little useless at times while we're living off just Luke's paycheck. Like I'm not contributing anything to our little family. Luke keeps telling me that I do and pointing out all the . . . well, for lack of a better term, housewife-ly . . . things I do. Things that need done that he either can't do (like cook) or it would be a pain in the butt for him to add to his chore list just considering demands on time. (like laundry . . . on the major plus side, Luke cleans the bathroom. I'll willingly do everything else just for that!)
So on the one hand I know there's nothing wrong with the way we've got things set up because it works for us. On the other hand, so much of a person's worth in the eyes of other people is tied to that person's job. It made it really hard for me when it was taking me so long to find one - and since that wasn't so long ago the idea of having to start hunting again for any reason really freaks me out. Especially since there is a person out there who called me lazy, and said I needed to "just grow up already, and go get a job."
I still don't know quite what to think of that. For, what, 3 years now all anyone can talk about is how everyone in the freaking country is having trouble getting a job and my problem is that I'm lazy? How is a person even supposed to respond to that? I don't know if the comment was just evidence of a callous personality, thoughtlessness, or their inability to deal with personally knowing someone stuck in crappy job search mode. All I know is that I literally cried myself to sleep that night.
So I keep reminding myself that I - and everyone else - am more than just my job. More than just what I do on a daily basis, both during the school year and during the summer. Everyone has layers to them. Everyone has different things to offer. Everyone out there is more than just their job. I am more than just my job.
It's been months said that person said that. Honestly, I don't really think about it much anymore. But occasionally I do, especially at points in time like now. And I'm realizing that the sting of the statement is probably never going to go away. It's not that surprising; it was a cruel thing to say, and it came at one of the times I was feeling the most useless. But when it comes to mind, I just remind myself that they didn't know what they were talking about. That Luke and I are both okay with our situation (although we wouldn't say no to substantial raises, lol). And that's all that really matters.
And if, heaven forbid, I don't get a phone call in the next couple of weeks . . . well, I guess I'll find something new. Even if it takes another year.
(but keep those prayers and voodoo rituals and stuff coming, k?)
P. ost S. cript
So I was watching this extreme thrills thing on the Travel Channel this morning and they included zorbing. Totally made me want to go back to Rotorua. However, seeing as the only US location, Pigeon Forge, is about a day's drive from where Team Jayla is currently residing . . . well, Tennessee it is! We'll just have to get out there for a visit. Because this? Is awesome. (but zigzagging is better.)