Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Life-or-Death Rant

Okay, so this one's been building for a while (like, since I got back to Utah) but driving with Ashli finally pushed me over the edge.

What is with Utah drivers?! Seriously . . . why are so many of them so terrible, irresponsible, reckless, and inconsiderate?! The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. Where does this "I pay my tithing, therefore I can run this red light" mentality come from? Is it pent up aggression from not telling people exactly what you think of them in church or what?

The thing I have the biggest problem with is how close people get when they stop behind you. As most of you know, I was in an accident of the rear-ended sort a few years ago. (10:00 pm the night before my 21st birthday by a drunk driver - how's that for a "don't drink, love God" unnecessary sign?) Ever since I've always kind of freaked out a little when the car in my rearview mirror gets too big too fast. I've actually started to stop a looooooong way back from the car in front of me so that when the car behind me get too close I can roll forward a little. Of course, it's not very effective since the idiot behind me almost always goes forward too, and usually ends up even closer to me than they were to begin with. Dude, I swear one of these days I'm going to feel someone bump me from behind because they got too close.

Why do people get so close at stoplights anyway? I mean, it's not like they've got to keep that close to keep someone else from cutting in line . . . and even if they did, how elementary school is that?! Can't they wait five more seconds to get where they're going? I don't get how these people can preach patience at the pulpit every Sunday and then me so incredibly impatient on the road the rest of the week. Utah has got to have the highest concentration of hypocrites in the world. (side note: the only time I really feel safe driving in Utah County is on Sunday.)

Driving with Ashli Friday was just plain terrifying. It was like a window into what it must be like inside the cars of drivers I loathe. She was drifting into the opposite lane, paying more attention to the radio than the road, and tailgating like there was no tomorrow - which is ironic, considering she was in the same accident I was. She tailgated one guy so bad I really thought we were going to hit them when he started tapping his breaks. It only took her almost a mile to get the hint and slow down. Needless to say, I don't plan on getting into a car with her again even if my life depends on it . . . in fact, especially not if my life depends on it.

On the surface it seems so weird that Utah of all places would be the crappy driver capital of the world. But I would rather be back in Orlando driving amid all the stupid lost tourons than in Provo with all the soccer moms and their stupid family window decals taking up the entire back window of their MAVs. Unless the tourons in Orlando have Utah plates. Then you'll see me heading for California.

P. ost S. cript
I hate twitter, but I can't stand the Jonas Brothers. Therefore, this clip is an epic win for Lacey. :-)


  1. I love driving in California. And Oregon...

  2. I'm happy you're still using the word touron. If I remember correctly, didn't I teach you that?

  3. I believe the problem with Utah, is it's a small town mindset in a big city. You've been driving on dirt roads or down from Malad on I-15 and there hasn't been anyone, then you see someone and it's like jealousy and anger than someone is on your road. Time to take them out! Bwah ha ha!
    It's much easier driving around Austin then Logan any day. People let you in and you just have to love Souther Hospitality.

  4. So even if I am a soccer mom now, can I still hate Utah drivers? I loathe driving and I agree with you about Sunday driving, but even that is changing.

    If ever I was tempted to swear, it would be at the other stupid drivers- like the one that hit Jessica the other day. He wanted in her lane, so he went into her lane. Never mind that her car was in that spot!