I severed ties with someone recently. Well . . . as much as unfriending someone on facebook counts as severing ties when you didn't really have any other ties to begin with. It was something that needed to be done . . . something that should have been done a while ago, and I've known it all along . . . but when it came down to actually doing it . . . let's just say it took one of those pesky final straws to get me there.
I don't regret it, but it's left me thinking. About everything from friendship vs. facebook friends to the part where I'm feeling a little lost this year without having some big goal like I have for the last couple of years - even if one was only to read 150 books in a year. It was a little thing in the grand scheme of all the things, but it was a thing. And so far this year I've just been all kind of "what shall I do?" and I just . . . don't . . . know.
Anyway. It's so interesting to go through your list of friends every so often. Luke recently went through his, finding dozens of people he wasn't even sure he knew. Of course, he joined facebook when you had to have a .edu address to join so it was all new and exclusive(ish) and classmates were adding everyone in the massive Intro to Whatever 101 because they could. Fast forward the better part of a decade and you have a bunch of meaningless names you've never actually spoken to in real life, much less interacted with on facebook. The ones who wouldn't recognize your name or care if facebook did notify people when you unfriended them. I never used my school email, so I couldn't join until it opened up to everyone - and one would think that that little delay would lead to more logical friending. But no. Going back to the original situation, I really did know from the start that this was a friend request that I should not have accepted. And accepted anyway. And wondered several times since what the heck I was thinking but just never hit that final button until a little while ago.
It's not quite a relief - we could have truly been friends in different circumstances. At least, I like to think so. But at the same time it's so nice to have that knowledge in the back of my mind that I don't have to hold my breath and hope they don't pop up on my feed or comment on something I post. While I do wish it hadn't had to play out the way it did, I'm pretty sure I always knew it was inevitable.
So the thing I'm wondering now is - am I supposed to be feeling mature and accomplished for recognizing the reality of things and taking the best action for the situation? Or wistful about crossed wires that could have made a great neon light display had they just connected correctly in the beginning?
If pictures are worth 1000 words I'm pretty sure this entire post can be summed up thusly:
Just another reason this whole being-a-grown-up thing kinda sucks.
P. ost S. cript
Perhaps I shall do another grown-up thing and learn physics. Does it still count if it's kitten physics?