Once Upon the Crappiest Writing on the Planet Ever Known to Man but I Shouldn't Rant in the Title and Spoil Things

Previously we discovered that villain is a hero who's story hasn't been told.  Cora's was told, demonstrating that some are born villains, some achieve villain-hood, and some have villainy thrust upon them.  Pretty clear which one was born a villain, but I'm thinking Regina and Rumplilocks are still battling it out for the other two positions.

~ I could go for a trip to Phuket right now.

~ Oh baby, I'm so glad August is back!!!

~ HENRY CALLED HIM GRAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEN POINTS TO HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Can the episode end right here?  I'm terribly worried that that was the high point.

~ Crop of beans already?  Wow.  Magic beans indeed.

~ Hey look, Granny's inn still exists.  Good to know.

~ Was that a Disney shoutout? The theme park thing?  Rule #6?

~ Yes Neal, we are all connected in the great circle of life.  (another rule #6?)

~ And if they find a role for James Earl Jones on this show it will make my life.

~ There is the Star Wars connection you know . . . sort of . . .

~ Wooden August is creepy looking.

~ So . . . Hong Kong is the nearest place to Phuket with a hospital . . . ?

~ That was unpleasant to watch.

~ Is it the great stone dragon?

~ Wooden August is just getting creepier by the second.

~ We were all hoping August . . . TEAM EMMOCHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Yeah . . . some of us are still hoping.

~ They have a cute story.  I am now officially Team Teal too.

~ Mostly because that way they won't mess with Team Emmochio.

~ But also because that's a cute story.

~ Has it occured to anyone else that this place they call the Enchanted Forest didn't actually seem to be all that enchanted?  Like, sure there's magic and stuff, but it's not the forest doing the magic.

~ Well that went . . . actually, not that much worse than I expected.

~ Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . that's slightly not the story Tamara just told . . .

~ Of course that's also not Neal . . . but that really threw me.  Seriously, do we really need another connection in Henry's family tree?

~ Car crash dude has got to be so weirded out by the part where Regina hasn't aged since the last time he saw her.

~ Bra'tac!!!!!  Hi Bra'tac!!!!!

~ Kayla, your crooked blinds comment?  Spot freaking on.

~ Okay, I can see him seeing what's wrong but how would he know that he's talking to Pinocchio?

~ Those conditions are gonna have to count as a rule #3.  Drink!

~ Well obviously that's not a very good guarantee.

~ Cancer is so prosaic for this show.  You'd think they would have gone more creative.

~ Yeah, saw that coming.

~ Awkward.

~ Speaking of which . . . apparently we should be asking how she's still alive?

~ That thing glows suspiciously like a pulled out heart.  That can't be good.

~ Dude, he's running better just holding it.

~ Or not.

~ So now we see why Tamara's alive . . .

~ Wait, what?  how does August leaving help Tamara?

~ Seriously, that makes no sense.

~ DON'T FREAKING DO IT AUGUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

~ Wow.  I kind of wasn't expecting Regina to figure out who he was.

~ Told you we'd see that keychain thing again.  Didn't think it would be so soon though.

~ Juice cleanse?  Really?

~ Liar.

~ No it's not.

~ Dude, this is just cruel.  Bra'tac is going to get there and August will be gone.

~ Ummmmmmmmmm . . . awkward.  But props for finally coming clean, Bra'tac.

~ Wow.  Did NOT see that coming.  Maybe there's more to that black heart thing than we thought.

~ ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!  WHO THE CRAP ARE YOU TAMARA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ Also, I am no longer Team Teal.  Tamara sucks.

~ Yes you did.  You totally stole it.  Because you suck.

~ Holy Great Stone Dragon.

~ SHE TAZED THE GREAT STONE DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!  AS IF I DIDN'T ALREADY HATE HER ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!

~ Good call August.  About time you made one this season.

~ How the crap did she know where he was?

~ What do you want to bet Tamara and Regina team up?

~ Ummmmm . . . since when can you electrocute wood?  Logic fail.

~ Poor Bra'tac.

~ See?  SEE?!?!  TEAM EMMOCCHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ WHAT DID THAT WITCH DO TO MY HOT AUGUST?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ I refuse to believe that he is permanently dead.

~ Again, Henry is the genius.  So Fairy Nun, turn him back on already.

~ OH.  NO.  YOU.  DIDN'T.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ I am so not okay with this.  On every conceivable level and a few inconceivable ones.

~ GO BACK TO NEW YORK YOU FREAKING FAIRY TALE TERRORIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Still want to know how August knew who Neal was to begin with.

~ I may hate her more than Cora.

~ At least David is still hot.

~ And ALIVE.

~ Because Pinocchio may be alive, but August sure isn't.

~ If Charming wants to go back so badly why is he always calling her Mary Margaret instead of Snow?

~ Well the internet called that particular twist about a year ago.

~ Just when you think you couldn't hate someone more . . .

~ THREE FREAKING WEEKS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ AND IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL EPISODE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ I DON'T WANT ROBIN HOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ I WANT AUGUST BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I refuse to believe that the Pinocchio anti-aging juice cleanse is permanent.  They'll perform a sitcom-age-the-baby-between-seasons spell on him and he'll be back to normal.  Seriously, what has happened to this show?  It was so awesome last year, and it started out so well this season but it's just . . . done a deeper nose dive than a skydiver.


P. ost  S. cript
Definitely need something to cheer us all up after that pile of pile.  Good thing I literally start laughing just thinking of this one.  Literally.  For the entire past week.