Friday, April 29, 2011

Because I Can

Yep, I'm doing it. Live, stream-of-consciousness blogging as I watch the royal wedding, preserving my every thought for posterity. Mock me if you like, but I'm having fun. (All times are local . . . work is going to be interesting today!)

3:01: Crap, I should have gotten up earlier. They've already started!

3:03: And they just confirmed that there will be no awesome wedding entrance dance. No surprise . . . but still . . . :-(

3:07: Is it really appropriate for the crowds to be cheering for the Beckhams' arrival? And the timing right after random British dude hired by the Today Show talks about how this is going to be a very dignified affair with no awesome entrance dance. Nice timing.

3:11: The prince appears to be leaving a whole minute late! The horror!! The horror!!

3:12: What exactly is the difference between a supporter and a best man? They're making such a big deal of it, but I can't discern anything beyond the titles.

3:13: *sigh* Those boys are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!

3:17: "Of course Kate, or Catherine as I should call her will be the last to arrive at the abbey . . . " Good thing this is a prompt and punctual British wedding. If it was a Mormon wedding odds are that I'd miss the whole thing because she'd have to keep waiting and waiting while the late people trickled in. Plus I'd probably be at work for the whole thing. The whole buncha time zones away thing does have its perks, I guess.

3:19: Cool shot of the church bells!

3:22: Apparently the service will begin with an "introit" . . . however that is spelled. What is an introit?

3:25: I wish we wore hats as much as the British upper crust wore hats. Those girls know how to rock an awesome hat. Trivia: those funky hats that aren't actually hats because they're so small and perched at such a crazy impossible angle that they clearly have to be pinned on? They're called fascinators. Learned that from all the Kate coverage. I like fascinators. :-)

3:34: The only reason I know who the Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie are is because there is a question in the Battle of the Sexes board game my mom bought years ago to be played at parties I had (only happened once) that asks the names of the Duchess of York's daughters. My fascination with all things royal has kind of stuck to the yummy boys in close proximity to the throne, lol. Also, they are very pretty girls but they are neither of them any Diana. Or Kate. Zara Phillips, on the other hand? Holy freaking gorgeous.

Can you tell I've discovered the existence of a lot more of the royal family in the last six months? Confession: Yes, I've been a sucker for pretty much every news story having to do with this wedding. I spent, like, an hour last night clicking from article to article about it. I would never, however get my teeth tattooed.

3:41: Speaking of the York princesses . . . holy fascinators girls! Awe. Some.

3:46: And we are T-minus five minutes until Kate arrives . . . can't wait to see the dress!!!

3:48: So apparently some of the ubber-hoity-toity British ladies are having a conniption over the rumor that Kate might be wearing her hair down. Dumbest freak out ever.

3:49: Okay, those church bells are totally making me picture the wedding scene from Robin Hood. The Disney version. You know, the one with animals . . .

3:52: Oooooooo, Kate's getting in the car . . . must be a big deal, the commentators went silent to watch. The top looks very Grace Kelly. I like. And the hair is DOWN . . . dun dun DUN!!! As a fellow down-haired bride I say you go girl.

3:56: Is it just me, or do the bridesmaids look like they're dressed almost identically to Diana's?

3:58: She's waving!! She's relaxed!! It's incredible!! Seriously? Shut up, commentators.

4:00: She arrives right on time . . . so not a Mormon wedding. And the dress = FABULOUSLY, AMAZINGLY, GORGEOUS. Pippa's dress is very lovely too.

4:03: That train is a touch shorter than Diana's 25-footer. But just a tad, lol.

4:04: Dang, I wish I'd gotten an entrance fanfare like this. How fun would that have been? :-)

4:09: Six minutes? Holy longest aisle walk ever!

4:10: Hey, I know this song! MoTab sings it all the time! Wait . . . these are slightly different words . . . weird. (It's "Guide Us Oh Thou Great Jehovah" . . . sort of . . . )

4:12: Hello Elton John.

4:13: Hello Posh Spice. And husband.

4:14: Luke's quoting Princess Bride. Day = made. (Yes, Luke joined me a few minutes ago . . . because he's awesome like that.)

4:15: What would happen if someone did speak up when the clergydude said "speak now . . . "? Especially at this wedding?!

4:16: Does the whole congregation have to stand the whole time? Oy! Also - how funny would it have been if William had gotten his own names mixed up?

4:16: Yay!! Kate got the names right!! Apparently there are those who say that Diana technically married Charles' father because of the way she flubbed up his names . . .

4:18: *sigh* even his voice is hot . . .

4:20: With every different angle I am liking her dress more and more . . .

4:21: Okay, I'll admit I know nothing about any wedding ceremony different from my own, but seriously - they just walked away from the altar to some chairs on the side . . . why? What the what? Aren't they supposed to stay where everyone can see them? So confused . . .

4:22: Hello again, Princess Beatrice. And Princess Beatrice's crazy awesome funky fascinator.

4:23: We've seen Elton John multiple times now. Luke's asking for Mr. Bean. And theorizing that we'll see him climbing a tree to save a cat.

4:24: Who is that and why is he speechifying? . . . . . okay, not speechifying apparently . . . more like sermonizing . . . which means he must be one of the three priestly guys co-conducting . . .

4:25: Wait! Turns out it's Kate's brother James. So my original question stands. Why?

4:32: And now, after the speechifying we have sermonizing. Is the wedding part over? What's going on now? So . . . confused . . .

4:37: Is it just me, or does William look a little bored?

4:38: Is Kate not allowed to let her back touch the back of the chair anymore Jane Austen style? I hope for her sake she's just trying to be uber-proper. Especially considering how comfortably William is sitting.

4:39: Song #4. Is all this because it's a royal wedding, or is this typical of any church wedding for the Church of England?

4:42: They're back! So . . . the wedding part wasn't done . . . I think?

4:43: Someone in that choir is hitting an awesomely low note.

4:44: There are full grown trees along the aisle. And well above them there are massive chandeliers. Westminster Abbey has been bumped up several notches on my Places I Gotta See List. And it was already pretty high.

4:45: Wait, they're just praying. Why couldn't they pray from their chairs? Everybody else is . . . I don't get non-Mormon weddings . . .

4:47: Holy crap, they've got a full symphonic orchestra in there!! Where have they been hiding?!

4:49: Hello commoners stuck watching outside. I mean . . . er . . . cheerio! God save the Queen and all that! :-)

4:51: I'm cracking up over the conversation we just had . . .

Luke: So . . . she's going to be queen?
Me: Ummm . . . not for a while.
Luke: What's the queen's name?
Me: Ummmmm . . . Elizabeth . . .
Luke: So when she croaks . . .
Me: Charles will be king.
Luke: Wait, so this dude's not next in line?

Maybe it's not as funny if you not a royal junkie, but I'm rather amused. Fear not, Luke just recieved a brief lesson in who's who and who's where in line for the throne.

4:54: I think it's over . . . they're leaving anyway. And the commentators are talking again - lame. Yeah, I only followed what was going on for, like, the first 15 minutes.

4:57: And the instant replays begin. To bad there are no cameras where they're signing the license or whatever. Then the commentators would stay shut up.

4:58: Matt Lauer, you are a good looking guy, but no one cares about what made you emotional during the ceremony. And that joke was not funny.

5:00: Oooooooooooo there's the carriage!!!!

5:01: Hello again Princess Beatrice's fascinator. That is seriously the WEIRDEST one I've ever seen. I can't get enough of it.

5:03: They just showed the schedule of events. They're not going to get to the balcony for another hour?! Blargh.

5:04: We so should have had a fanfare when we came out of the temple. Would have ROCKED.

5:05: OMG!!! OMG!! The new princess curtsied to the queen!! And smiled!! Whenever I think I'm getting too obsessive I'm reminded that there are people obsessed to a really ridiculous degree. Also: shut up commentators.

5:07: Finally a satisfying shot of the tiara!! And I wholeheartedly approve of it.

5:08: Wait, wasn't she supposed to leave her bouquet on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier as she walked by? I guess they'll go back later . . .

5:09: More Robin Hood bells. They should totally run to the carriage like in the movie. :-)

5:10: I didn't time this one, but this aisle walk might have been even longer than the first one . . .

5:11: Wishing we'd done the Temple Square carriage ride right about now . . .

5:13: If it's only going to take a few minutes to get to Buckingham Palace, why is it going to take an hour to get to the balcony? Seriously, no one cares about the rest of the family today. Grrr.

5:16: Apparently six weeks after the honeymoon the royal couple is going to Canada. Cue Lacey booking tickets to Canada. :-P

5:20: I read yesterday that for the second reception - the party - they're hanging disco balls in the throne room. There are no words for how much I would love to see that. Here's hoping for leaked pictures tomorrow!

5:22: The commentators mentioned Princess Catherine. Luke said "Who's Princess Catherine?"

Say it with me kids - Face. Palm. :-)

5:24: A few minutes to get to the palace? BIG FAT LIE! It took over ten. Stupid commentators. Shut up.

5:26: Speaking of official photographs, I really want to copy of Kate's white engagement picture dress. The blue dress was gorgeous and I love it, but the white one is the one I sort of covet. Also, while Luke did not give me a replica of the engagement ring for our anniversary, my birthday is coming up soon . . . lol.

5:31: Okay, it's decided. I do not like Camilla's hat. And that dislike is not connected to the fact that I do not like her.

5:32: More bells!! Yay!! I am loving all the bell music.

5:35: Members of the royal family are supposed to curtsy lower than commoners? A very low "court curtsy"? Does this strike anyone else as backwards?

5:36: Natalie Morrales - 1) I like your hat. 2) Shut up.

5:37: The jumbotrons in the streets of London are showing commercials. I don't know why, but I find this awesome.

5:38: "It's important to remember that these are not toy soldiers." Really? I was wondering . . . it's so hard to tell, you know. Shut UP commentators!!!!!

5:40: Okay, NBC. I realize that you can show nothing I am interested in until they get to the balcony. But I'm still mad that you're showing commercials again.

5:47: Guards in funny fuzzy tall black hats. Giggle. :-)

6:04: Still waiting . . . what's taking so long? Grrrrrr. Also: the commentators are right - if this was happening in the US no way no how would the crowd be so calm and courteous moving toward the palace. The number of times I nearly got trampled from people determined to be the first in line for a freaking stunt show (not to get in - to get in line!) . . . because if you're not there three hours in advance you'll never get in, never mind the fact that the people who work there told you to come back 45 minutes early . . . GAH!!!! But I digress. Anyway - why can't Americans be as polite as Brits?

6:09: "This . . . was . . . quite orderly, I think some of the Americans are coming in now . . . " accompanied by shots of people pushing and shoving. ROTFL!! Okay, you are one commentator who can keep talking. I feel so vindicated. Justified. Satisfied. :-)

6:15: Oooooooooo . . . someone's peeking out the window!!! Such suspense!!!! Wait a second . . . people are taking bets on exactly how many seconds this kiss is going to last? It's official - my healthy fascination has not crossed into obsession.

6:17: PIRATES TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First time seeing it . . . when did it get released and how did I miss it? Also, I think I already have a favorite line - "What were you doing in the convent anyway?" "I thought it was a brothel. Easy mistake." I've been waffling about seeing this movie, because really, the horse is really starting to be rather well beaten. But I might have to now.

6:20: "How did the royal kiss become a tradition?" Who cares, it is and that's all that matters right now. Shut up commentators.

6:21: Someone could totally make a drinking game based on me saying "shut up commentators," couldn't they? :-)

6:22: Oh look, the sun's coming up!

6:25: Here they are!! Yay!!! Hooray for British promptness!!! I think her dress got prettier in the last hour.

6:27: Well. That was short. Lots of people just lost of lot of money.

6:27: Slow-mo replay? Really? Sure, it was short, but that's a bit much, don't you think?

6:29: Falling more and more in love with her earrings too.

6:29: Take 2 = much better.

6:30: My regular alarm just went off. Crap. Guess I better get in the shower and get the day started now.

6:30: Why couldn't we have a military flyover? Oh yeah . . . not actually royalty. :-) Also - Kate looks a little dazed. Quite understandable.

6:32: People actually climbed into the fountain? Seriously? Insane. Ridiculous. Bet they're American.

6:33: *sigh* Gotta sign off. That was a GORGEOUS dress.

That was fun. But this is going to be a long day. :-)


  1. Just an FYI? I would TOTALLY cheer for the Beckham's arrival to ANYWHERE...

  2. you actually made me want to watch it now... just a bit.

  3. Hahaha. It shouldn't be hard to find. Apparently they broke the record for the most people streaming the same thing online at the same time.

  4. and the CNN "iReporter" (is that like an iPhone?) that won the contest to cover it works at Disney. And was a CP at Kilimanjaro around the time that I started.

  5. I LOVED your play by play :) Laughed out loud and several spots :) Maybe next royal wedding YOU can be a commentator :) You would do a MUCH better job!

  6. But . . . wouldn't that mean I'd have to tell myself to shut up? :-P

  7. Your commentary was quite entertaining to read. I could totally envision this in my head. It was great. While you love the fascinators...I found them hideous, by far one of the princesses. Not sure which one, the one in the tan colored dress. WOW!

    Kate, gorgeous, beautiful, what else? I love the choice of long sleeves in a time when sleeveless are in. (I do wish she had her up though).

  8. That would be Princess Beatrice. I'm not sure if awesomely atrocious or atrociously awesome is the better description, but I love it mostly because it is atrocious!!

    I love the fact that she kept her hair down. She has just as much right to feel comfortable and like herself as any other bride . . . personally I hate the way I look with my hair up, and guessing from the way that she seems to have basically one hairstyle - kind of like me - I think she might feel kind of the same way. Who wants to spend their wedding day worried about their hair falling down or like they don't look great just because it's tradition?

    Anyway . . . mini-rant over. :-)