Never Fails

Say it with me kids: Gene. Yus!



So you know how you always forget the intensity of uncomfortable/miserable/painful situations? Well, physical memories anyway . . . there are a few memories that still make me blush so red it almost hurts. Anyway, you know how you know that a paper cut or hitting your funny bone hurts, but you can't really call the sensation to mind and feel it? If you ask me, it kind of totally sucks because then every time you hurt yourself somehow it's like the first time. And I would know - I usually have bruises on my legs because corners of tables and counters and chairs and doors . . . and fluffy stuffed animals and cute little kittens and objects not even in the same state as me . . . have a habit of jumping out into my path and attacking me. Grrrrr.

But I have to say the most obnoxious distorted memory is weather. I hope I'm not the only one, but in the middle of winter while I'm trying to determine whether I still have fingers after scraping my car all I can think about is how it would be so nice if it was summer and I didn't even need a jacket, much less a coat or gloves or five pairs of socks and it would be bright and sunny and perfectly perfect. Then summer comes and I'm hot and sticky and gulping ice water lying on the floor right in front of a fan with the air conditioner on and there's no way I'm leaving the house until after sunset because my car's a/c doesn't work. And all I can think about is how nice it is during the winter because you can layer and layer until you're warm and snow is so pretty and you don't feel guilty for not going outside because no one is going outside and you don't need sunglasses and it's just perfectly perfect.

Seriously? Holy freaking obnoxious. And then you get years like this where spring just totally doesn't happen. Not. Cool. Literally. Totally went from icy to scorching in, what, three days?

Anyway, point being - right now I'm totally fantasizing about getting into a snowball fight wearing a bikini. And it will be at least four months before you can convince me that the frostbite would not be worth it.

P. ost S. cript
Fail. Epic, hysterical, awesome FAIL.