A Story in Second Person

Picture this: you are a young(ish), newlywed wife (Ian . . . Eric . . . Grandpa . . . just roll with me here, lol). You don't do much these days. Mostly because you don't have a job. And you're broke. So you know you've gained a little weight in the past year, but it can't be too much because your clothes still fit and you're pretty sure you're more or less healthy.

Then comes the day when ,after much discussion, you and your husband decide to get Wii Fit Plus. You weren't planning on getting it for a few more months, but you ultimately come to the conclusion that you may as well splurge now while the rent money can go to things other than rent.

Flashback: about a year and a half ago you tried out the plain old Wii Fit at your parents' house. You take the body test . . . and while you're on the high end, your BMI is solidly in the "normal" category. Yay! And the Balance Board . . . which can somehow talk to you whilst you're standing on it . . . how's that for weird . . . tells you that you should go ahead and concentrate on maintaining your weight as is.

Okay, back to the present - you take a new body test . . . and it turns out you've gained 14 pounds. That's about 5 pounds-ish more than you were guessing, but it's also, you know, pretty doable when it comes to losing again. Theoretically, at least. But now your BMI is solidly in the "overweight" category. Not cool. And then - the kicker. This Balance Board says you need to lose 32 pounds to hit the "ideal" healthy weight. Ummmmmmmm . . . what?!?! Blargh. Okay then, but you better get some new clothes out of it when you get down that far, you know what I mean?

You husband expresses quite a bit of shock at that number himself (which makes sense, since he's probably never seen you that thin . . .because that's probably about what you weighed in high school). Then he asks where you're going to find that much weight to lose because he can't see any extra anywhere. That's very reassuring considering that while you felt quite confident a few minutes ago, nothing is as effective at making you feel fat as watching your Mii puff up. At least it didn't puff up to perfectly round like your dad's did last year (that one didn't make a lot of sense either).

(Note: this next part is set to the tune of "Part of Your World" . . . watch the last thirty seconds if you need a refresher)
I don't know when
I don't know how
But I know something starting right now
Watch and you'll see
Someday I'll be
Finding that thirty pounds where ever it's hiding and beating it into submission and super hula hoop-ing and kung foo-ing it away and my Mii will shrink back down to normal looking and it will be FABULOUS!!


. . .

. . .

Okay, that last line doesn't quite fit the melody. I'm working on it. Anybody know a one-syllable word that encompasses those last 35 words?

I still thought it was genius.


P. ost S. cript
Maybe I should take up the McGyver lifestyle. Also, if anyone's ever stumped for a Lacey-gift idea . . . the whole series is available on dvd!!! :-)