Saturday, September 25, 2010

What the What?!

Today has been rather filled with some pretty bizarre moments. Well, okay, only a couple. But still. On the bizarre-ness scale, these ones rank high enough to be the equivalent of a day full of one "average" bizarre moment after another.

So - back story. We're going to Salt Lake tomorrow to see The Lion King. It's our anniversary present from Luke's parents and I am SO PSYCHED. And depressed when I think of how I haven't seen a Broadway show since my Les Mis birthday present . . . when I was 17. We are definitely going to have to start seeing more shows. But I digress.

So. Lion King. Tomorrow. Psyched. And since right now we only have my car (btw, we sold Luke's car a couple of weeks ago - did I mention that? It's been interesting.) and as we all know, Old Reliable she kinda ain't, we're borrowing one of my parents' cars for tomorrow. Because, even though my parents have certainly had their share of car problems lately, their cars are still much less likely to randomly explode on us halfway through Sardine Canyon. And today I went to make the switch.

Coming back was such a PAIN. There must have been half a dozen or more over-sized loads up in front of me or something because I had to practically slam on my brakes just before Beaver Dam and the rest of the trip was spent crawling. LAME!!! It took an hour to get back to Logan . . . and I know for a fact that one can get from my parents' house to the light at Main & 200 North in 25-30 minutes. Not that I've, you know, done that myself . . . or anything . . . anyway . . . HUGE traffic pile-up. I couldn't even see the vehicle at the front of the whole thing causing the slow down. Ever. And there are some spots where you can see for a couple of miles ahead of yourself! It was so bad that some of the roads - you know, where you NEVER see more than one car waiting to get onto the highway - had six or seven cars waiting . . . crazy! And it didn't clear up until the highway became 200 North . . . so obnoxious.

All this, however, is not the bizarre thing. No, that happened just past Beaver Dam. I see this SUV waiting at a stop sign, and the driver's facing away from me. And just as I'm thinking to myself "that's some pretty big hair, even for Utah" the driver turns my direction, and it's not hair, it's a clown wig! And while they appear to be wearing normal clothes, the face is full on clown make-up . . . and a dead ringer for that creepy Unsolved Mysteries ghost that still freaks me out. Good times. I'm not typically the clownaphobic type, but I am seriously still shuddering at that one. What the what? Who drives around dressed up like that?! CREEPY!!!!!!

So I finally get into town and start heading up Main Street for a destination - the awesomeness thereof will soon be known to all - and when I hit 4th North I see this massive wave a motorcycles heading the other direction. Seriously, massive. Like, motorcycles riding down the street three abreast. Now, while the insane density of this wave soon petered out to a slightly more normal seeming amount, the bikes just kept coming. I was still passing bikes when I hit 14th - ten blocks of motorcycles!! And while I had to stop at three red lights, they had the cops out letting them go on through . . . meaning the real equivalent is probably more like 20 blocks. What the what?!?! Who are these Hell's Angels wannabes and what the crap are they doing taking over Logan of all places?! Holy. Freaking. Random.

The bizarre didn't stop there with these guys though. Oh no. There I am between the mall and Charlie's Ice Cream (which is pretty tasty, as we've recently discovered) and I see a biker dude with a passenger dressed like Sean Connery in The Avengers. I kid you not. I saw a dude (or possibly dudette . . . couldn't really tell, you know?). On the back of a motorcycle. Wearing A TEDDY BEAR SUIT. What the WHAT?!?!?! Are you kidding me?! Geesh, every time you think you've seen everything . . . you discover you haven't seen someone ON THE BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE IN A TEDDY BEAR SUIT. Dude, forget how bizarre you look . . . surely they were dying out there. I mean, it may be the end of September (yeah, how's that for crazy?) but it was nice and toasty out today. I don't imagine it was very comfortable.

So yeah. That was all pretty bizarre. I'm a little weirded out. But moving on - that awesome destination I mentioned? Kohl's. And I just have to rave a little bit. I decided to use that $10 off door hanger that they put out back at the beginning of the month. Sadly, I did not find a whole lot of things I liked, and most of what I tried on didn't fit for some reason or another. Blargh. But I did walk out with 3 cute new shirts, 3 awesome pairs of Halloween socks (one pair glows in the dark!!!!!), and two awesome pairs of earrings. The original total? $124.43. However, everything was at least 30% off - and most even more - taking the total down to $73.55. THEN I used to door hanger coupon AND a 15% off coupon they were handing out at the registers. Making my total . . . (*insert drum roll here*) . . . $57.49!! There are no words to describe how much this made my day. Yay for splurges! I also got a 20% off coupon for Maurice's in the mail . . . guess who's going shopping again next week? Yay!!

Things have been going so well lately I keep thinking I should mentally prepare myself for some sort of disaster. Because, seriously, the awesomeness that has been building up and up and up for the last nine months is bound to come crashing down sooner or later, right? Here's hoping it's much later.

P. ost S. cript
A word of advice - forget what's being said and just enjoy the hilarity of how it is being "said." Because this? Just might be my new favorite thing ever. EVER. (note: in case you're unfamiliar with this new musical genre, no words were put into anyone's mouth. They actually said it all, it's just been auto-tuned. Otherwise known as awesome-ified.)



  2. In that case . . . why was there only one teddy bear?

  3. I was going to guess BACA but the Teddy Bear Run was a close second with the one against domestic violence coming in 3rd, but I passed through that one in Tooele a couple months ago.

    As for the clown? going to or coming from a job would be my guess. That or an axe murder. But I guess in that case he could still be going or coming from a job;)

    Was there a game yesterday? coupled with a harvest of hay or two would result in slow moving traffic. You just have to learn to breath and not be impatient because in the end it is not worth it and you end up with high blood pressure. Pretend you are Hawiian or Tongan and just chill. I make up stories for the reason hone those story writing skills.
    ex.: There was a woman hurring to the Kohl's sale. She really wanted to use her door hanger coupon to get some new Halloween socks- glow in the dark would be cool. In her rush, she wasn't paying attention and cut in front of a van full of soccer players on their way to get celebratory ice cream after a 4-0 win- the first win of the season for them.
    The coach, driving the van, slammed on her brakes to avoid hitting ms. kohl's shopper but was hit from behind by a city bus, crushing the back half of the van and pinning the star forward against the seat in front of her.

    The forward's mom was following the van to the ice cream shop. She was in the lane next to the van and when she heard the crash, she slammed on her brakes and raced to the aid of her daughter, whose leg was bleeding heavily. An ambulance and rescue was called, but in the meantime the rest of the soccer team was hysterical and by standers were working to calm them all down.
    There was a foot ball game at the local college set to begin in an hour so traffic was heavy with fans trying to get to the stadium. The two cars stopped in the middle of the intersection were causing a terrible back up and traffic jam with avid fans trying to get to the stadium and frantic soccer players and their families praying their star player would not lose her leg.

    To make the matter even worse, the ambulance was stuck behind a load of hay that had spilled onto the pavement when the driver slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting the bedlam in front of him. This caused his load to shift and fall. Traffic was slowed to a crawl and to a dead standstill in spots.

    Finally the hay was moved enough for the ambulance to get around. The jaws of life were employed to free the star forward and she was transported to the hospital where she was checked and treated for a cut on her shin, but would otherwise be alright and able to play in next week's game. Her mother was able to go with her, the other parents took their daughters home, the coach's van was towed, fans were able to continue on their way and make it to the game before kick-off. Ms. Kohl's received a ticket for reckless driving and causing an accident.

    Or it just could have been stoppage from the motor cycle ride.

    Have fun and enjoy yourself at Lion King!

  4. I actually didn't mind the long drive . . . well, other than the creeper clown. I wasn't in a hurry or anything - but the fact that I never saw the front vehicle was mind boggling!

  5. I had to totally use this ploy on myself today when that chika pulled in front of me and I almost hit her and then she went around another car on the wrong side of the road- the shoulder- and then cut him off and there was another almost accident. Brandi and I decided that she was in a hurry to beat her husband home because he would beat her up if she wasn't there when he got there.

    Then 2 block later another car flipped a U in front of me and I just missed hitting him. He was so short we decided he was only 12, didn't have permission to use the car and just realized his father would be home in a few minutes and had to rush home, verified by the fact that he pulled into a driveway a few feet from where he almost caused a collision with me.

    It was those 2 stories or be mad at the stupid idiot Utah drivers. ;)

  6. The clown and teddy bear were probably professional performers who'd been working. The bike's storage was probably too full to pack it away, but there might have been enough wind to make it bearable...ha ha, I made a horrible pun!