Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Today's Lesson Is . . .

Never Underestimate the Ability of Americans to Make EVERYTHING Revolve Around Food.

But first.

Huge props to Lora for suggesting such an utterly Lacey-proof solution to the amazing disintegrating zipper. Make note kids, 'cause when you find a fix-it that even I can't screw up . . . you want to hold on that.

But again, all thanks go to Lora for enabling me to go to school yesterday looking absolutely fabulous.

*insert a couple gratuitous pictures of my fabulous self here*

Seriously, how did I not totally make the character auditions? (don't answer that)

A few things:

~ Finally wearing this dress going on twelve years after it was purchased. How CRAZY is that?!?!
~ The kids' reactions upon seeing me = totally better than any high school boy's would have been.
~ Pulled out my curling iron for the first time in at least 2 years (probably more) and learned a couple of thing. 1- the curling iron still works . . . good to know. 2- relearned that my hair really doesn't hold curl well or long without a bit of hairspray. Too bad my mom spent my entire childhood using the stuff like the 80s would never end, otherwise I might be able to stand the it.
~ This shall be my go-to Valentine's dress. Which means it shall also be my motivation to keep in really good shape . . . because I don't think I could gain more than a pound or two and still fit in to this thing.

Moving on to our lesson. I'm sure this has been noted by many people before, but have you noticed how EVERY single holiday in this country revolves around food, no matter what its original purpose was? I mean, think about it -

Halloween - originally a day to honor the spirits of the dead/saints. Now? A day to dress oddly and gather/hoard copious amounts of candy

Thanksgiving - originally a day to thank God for a bountiful year or whatever other blessings one may be so inclined to be thankful for. Now? The day revolves so much around food that some people don't even call it Thanksgiving anymore. In fact, I had a manager at Disney that I sometimes wondered if she even knew that that's what the day was actually called. One time someone said the word "Thanksgiving" in her hearing and she responded with "What? You mean Turkey Day?" Oy.

Christmas - second only to the commercialism is the extravagance of the Christmas feast. And let's not forget the stockings filled with candy.

Easter - while still much more religious than it rapidly secularizing cousin, there's still the big deal made over the Easter Ham or Easter Lamb. And, of course, jelly beans and cadbury eggs. (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!)

July 4th? Memorial Day? Forgetting the founding of a nation and honoring fallen soldiers - these days are all about the picnics and barbecues. Oh, and furniture sales where the big draw is the "free hot dogs and soft drinks."

And Valentine's Day? Originally a feast to celebrate a Catholic saint, theoretically a day to celebrate all forms of love, these days it is essentially Halloween 2.0. For proof, may I present exhibit A:

Behold the massive haul of deliciously junkie junk I came home with yesterday! On the one hand, I'm not complaining. On the other . . . I just have to say - what the crap?!?!?!?!?! When did it become required to include candy in your valentines? When did the cutesy picture and corny pun move into the realm of "not good enough to be a meaningless token of acknowledgment to classmates, most of whom you either tolerate or actively dislike," you know? Seriously.

I mean, come one. When I was in elementary school, the pile of valentines with candy looked a lot more like my pile from yesterday that was without candy. Behold:

(also note the confusion on how to address me, lol) And can I just note that although none of these came with candy, one, as you can see, is a coupon for a free Krispy Kreme donut, and the other two have tattoos inside.

And again, it appears "just" a valentine is not enough. Is it even possible to buy a box of valentines that doesn't automatically come with either candy or a tattoo? What is up with that?

I'm amazed and a little mind boggled, I must admit . . . but I'm not exactly complaining. Because some of these kids who give their classmates king size candy bars really know how to treat their teachers right. And they (rightly, lol) include people like me in their list of teachers. So I also came home with this:

Oh, baby! And can I just say that if their parents have the money to buy a candy factory for each of their 20-some classmates AND a good half a dozen boxes of Toblerone for the teachers . . . I kind of want to see if they can adopt me and start buying me other things, lol.

Anyway. Come along with me on my entertaining (IMO) series of discoveries from after work yesterday.

I. Got. Beibered. (and I'm still not even sure how to spell his name!) And from an adorably sweet little boy at that! Is there some sub-text to this I'm missing? :-)

Clearly, Luke thinks there is. :-D

Am I supposed to use the box as a Christmas decoration or something when I'm done eating?

HSM is still cool? Who would have thought? Fun fact: the people with whom High School Musical is not popular - high schoolers. College kids/20-somethings? It's a hit . . . don't get me started on the stories I could tell from Disney! Younger kids? Apparently it's still one of the coolest things around. Also - note the wildcat tattoo.

What is that even supposed to mean?

Okay, who's messed up idea was it that bugs are cutesy-lovey-dovey-good for valentines? Seriously! And a ginormous tarantula tattoo?!?!? I. DON'T. THINK. SO. Luke got the bag of goldfish crackers attached to this one. Mostly because I threw the whole thing at him upon seeing the FREAKING GINORMOUS TARANTULA TATTOO.

Again with the bugs! And who would want an earwig tattoo?!?!??!?! I can kind of see a spider - that's all edgy and whatever . . . but an EARWIG?!?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?! EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!

Now this is something I can get behind. Cuddly kitties, all snugly and can-haz-cheezburger-y. Tattoo is vaguely creepy looking, but what can you do?

Wait. Wait. WAIT. The Rugrats grew up? The Rugrats can't grow up! By very definition they thereby cease to be rugrats! This is seriously the most illogical thing I've seen in . . . well, a few days at least.

So, in conclusion - food is good. But it's ceasing to be surprising that so many people in this country are wider than they are tall. What do you expect with a collective unconscious that is literally turning every single day of the year into an excuse to gorge on something "special" or whatever? Coming this fall: special edition Talk Like a Pirate Day chocolate oranges. Specially formulated to prevent scurvy!

On that note . . .

Anyone want this one? we won't be anywhere near Orem in the next month.

P. ost S. cript
Seriously, is there anything lamer than a kisskam? I've always wondered what happens if(when) they get people who aren't together. I mean, you don't know. Maybe they're cousins. Maybe they've just met and are just chatting and getting to know each other. This little girl seriously gets it right.


  1. Mmmmm....crispy creme. Well be there next week...

  2. 1. Meant to tell you that you looked lovely yesterday- a very festive dress! I think I got sidetracked with our intense Bachelor analysis!

    2. Who gave you that Toblerone?!? Jealous...although, I did get a GIANT Reese's heart!

    3. Who gave you the Bieber card?! A 4th grade boy?!

    4. Rugrats as teens?!? Weird. I wasn't aware that kids even knew who they were!

    5. Ugly bug tattoos?! Just weird.

  3. Oh, and who gave you the donut coupon? Did they give all the kids one also? I'm not sure many of them (or the teachers) get to Orem often...

  4. You dress up for Valentine's Day? Why? (Not judging...just curious.)

    1. It's a school tradition. The teachers don't generally get to fancy but the kids are all dressed really nice.

  5. do know there's a krispy kreme in....Layton, I think?

    1. I did not . . . still not likely that we'll get there in a month. Want it?

    2. Come on over, I'll be home pretty much all weekend (meaning until Tuesday this weekend).

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  7. My Valentines came with just cards, no candy or tatoos attached. (They were also the Muppets, because I'm cool like that.) And yeah, there was a whole separate series called All Grown Up, with the Rugrats characters. :)

  8. Disney Manager who only refers to Thanksgiving as Turkey Day ... Tammy?

    1. Not that hard to guess, was it?

    2. It was either Tammy or Christine, and somehow I just can't see Christine saying that.

    3. Christine?! She's the last one I would have guessed! Actually, the only other manager I could picture saying it would be Chris, and only sarcastically.

  9. I never really thought about the holiday-food connection, but that is CRAZY. We Americans are definitely odd :)
    After seeing your haul from the Valentine's party, I just got sad :( Parties and fun events were the BEST as a teacher. You really would get some great (and random) presents from the students. I LOVED the notes that would go with them.... I imagine it's like being a parent and getting a hug after wanting to strangle them 2 min earlier :)

    1. Right?! I never really thought about it until recently, but once the idea popped into my head it was all I could see!