Thursday, January 28, 2010

Right Where I Belong

Well, it seems I have found the perfect job. Why, you may ask? (Because you're all just dying to know, right?) Well, it would appear that I fit right in at an elementary school.

So I'm hurrying in to work today - and I would like to take this moment to say that I was not late, just walking quickly - but I was still walking carefully in order to avoid any patches of ice or slick spots of snow, because heaven knows spending my entire working day with a big old wet spot on my butt, believe it or not, doesn't really appeal to me. So anyway, I'm walking along, and the next thing I know I'm on the ground and my knees are on fire. I seriously have NO idea how it happened, but I guess I must have tripped over . . . something . . . even thought the sidewalk was perfectly clear of obstructions . . . and my knees took the brunt of the fall. And while it was quite painful, I was able to appreciate the fact that I'm 25 and not 52, in which case I probably would have broken both legs, because that's just my luck.

So I hobble into the school, extremely grateful that the office is right next to the front entrance and explain to the secretary, who thankfully knows exactly who I am, so apparently last week was just a bit of three-day-weekend-itis or something. Anyway, I explain, feeling really dumb, and she shows me into the nurse's office and grabs one of those little butterfly bandaids for me, because of course my knees are all bloody, one significantly more than the other. And I set about cleaning up the best I can, at least to the point that I can get through my 2 1/2 hour work day.

This would be about the time that I remember I'm wearing the awesome socks Ashli gave me for Christmas - white with neon hearts on them, (SWEET!) and which are still white and bright and neon, unlike the almost-exact-same-except-stars-and-checkerboard-pattern socks mom gave me last year, that after a year of wear are still white, but decidedly dingy (although I didn't notice until getting the new socks. Oh, how I love fun socks!) And as I watch one trail of blood get away from me and run down my leg my first thought was "Not the pretty white socks!" I recommend you play that bit in your head a la the gingerbread man in Shrek when he says "Not the gumdrop buttons!!" Not because I thought it like that at the time, but because that's how I heard it in my head just now, and it sounds infinitely better that way, and more fun. (side note: don't you love how I have a sense of humor about catastrophes most of the time?) The good news: the socks were spared. Yay! The bad news: obviously, my jeans have died a horrible death. It's kind of cool, actually - the right knee ripped straight across, seam to seam, completely cleanly. Yeah, go ahead, be impressed . . . I know I am! :-) And guess what? The left knee had just a small tear, but it tore a perfect right angle. I may be a klutz, but DANGIT, I'm a talented klutz! And while it sucks to lose a pair of casual-workplace-acceptable jeans, I am supremely glad I wore them today instead of my new khakis or corduroys that I bought not even two weeks ago yet. If I'd torn my new cords, I think I might have cried.

So . . . yeah. I fell and scraped my knees today. I totally belong in an elementary school. In second grade I worked with all boys today, and they thought the whole "torn and bloodsoaked jeans/scraped up left knee/bandaged right knee" look was pretty cool. Sadly though, since my knees are significantly bigger than a kids knee, the butterfly bandaid really wasn't big enough, so when I got home I had to take it off and do the whole thing over again, which I would have done anyway to clean things a little more thoroughly. And holy crap that thing was red when I pulled it off!

I suppose I was due for something like this to happen. The last time something so utterly, laughably silly happened to me was when my family went to Disney World in '04. We were riding Primeval Whirl, and the exit path is an especially uneven boardwalk. So, naturally, I tripped there too. (side note: seriously, who's brilliant idea was that bumpy boardwalk anyway? And by brilliant I mean, of course, epically dumb - I'm sure I'm not the only one who's tripped there. If it was Joe Rohde, I am sorely tempted to rip the earring out in retaliation! :-) Guy's going DOWN!!) Sadly, that time I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans. But the good news is, that trip just cause a small rip (and no blood, yay!), so it was easy to patch up once we got home. Good times.

So . . . yeah. That was my day. How was yours? :-)

P. ost S. cript
Quite possibly the best spoof I've ever seen. Only Sesame Street could get away with this . . . and make it actually funny! :-)


  1. Oh, I'm sorry that happened! Susan is a nurse...quite handy thing to have in an elementary school secretary I must say!

  2. Good to know . . . if this job brings out my klutzier tendencies I just might have to take advantage of that!

  3. I have no need to browse YouTube--I have you to pick out the best parts.

    On my list of Thing to Post About When I Don't Have Subject Matter: Subsititute Adventures. And yes, I had several. I sent one kid to the principal's office. I unwittingly allowed an entire class to throw their assignments out the window. Just those two, I think, are the only ones worth sharing...