What a Difference a Season Makes

It's amazing how in just a few months things have gone from this to this.  At this point I can't even believe I was so excited back in September.


~ So when Hook finds out who Bae is what will win out?  The part where he's Milha's son or the part where he's Rumplilocks' son?

~ Clearly Milha mentioned him . . .

~ Rule #6 . . . and I'm guessing that's all we're gonna get today so drink up.

~ Shouldn't Henry be, like, in school?  With al the other kids in town?

~ On that note, why the crap did Regina bring so many kids?  Girlfriend can really hold a grudge if she felt the need to bring a whole school full.

~ Yeah, the more I see of this "don't care about Bae" personality flip of Rumplilocks' the less I buy it.  Stupidest thing the writers have tried.  And they've tried some really stupid things.

~ Rule #3.

~ That's quite the app on his smartphone . . .

~ How the crap do your people know anything about any of this, Owen?

~ Dude, even if the theories are right and the Darling kids started the Magic is Evil Society after the events of last week that still doesn't explain how they know anything about magic in general or about Storybrooke specifically.

~ I'm sure it's quite reassuring to tell Henry he'll survive to see all the rest of you die, Regina.

~ Punch him again Charming!

~ Props on acknowledging that you keep screwing up, Regina.  I'm guessing it won't stick this time either.

~ Why are the Lost Boys all grown up and creepy looking?

~ So is last week's Creepy Shadow Peter, or just Peter's . . . agent . . . ?

~ And if they're seriously making Peter Pan evil that has got to be the most screwed up thing this show is done.  And easily their biggest mistake.

~ Hooray for Grumpy sighting - pretty sure this scene will be the highlight of the night.

~ I feel like I should offended by the "don't let her die as Lacey" line . . .

~ Part of the ship, part of the crew, Hook?

~ I'm guessing Hook's sob story is totally made up to get Bae to talk.

~ Oh look, a chase scene.  Bet no one saw that coming.

~ I'm all about people sacrificing themselves and stuff . . . but seriously?  This is Regina's redemption arc?  She spends a year flip-flopping worse than a politician and then she dies?  Epic fail.

~ And if they keep killing off all the villains it's going to be really hard to worry about any of the heroes.  Logical Writing 101, writers.

~ You know, the whole Rumplilocks/Belle thing has never quite lost its Twilight vibe.

~ I could make a list of people missing in that diner . . . but it would take the rest of the episode to list them all.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

~ Well now Hook's going to be after Henry . . .

~ I can't decide if I believe Hook's story about them talking about going back for Bae.

~ Clearly it is possible to leave Neverland, as evidenced by the fact that Hook is in Storybrooke.

~ And a double cross.  Another thing no one saw coming, right?

~ So many reasons to be angry at so many characters right now . . . and yet . . . I just don't care.

~ Interesting contrast to last year's finale . . . then they were beating each other up in a hospital, now they're working together.

~ Can I just say that having the town be eaten by vines was a really dumb way for the fail safe to work?

~ And now we see what the set-up for next season is.

~ Counting down the minutes to Monster's University, by the way.

~ So . . . that Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. commercial?  Didn't the character who was talking . . . like . . . die in the movie?

~ If Greg and Tamara are so against magic why are they going through a portal?

~ Well, I think they just assured that we'll never be seeing any of the characters I've been complaining about missing again.  Or any of the ones we saw precious little of this season.

~ The whole thing about Henry being Rumplilocks' undoing . . . perhaps the undoing of Rumplilocks being the Dark One?

~ How convenient, Mulan and Aurora got Philip back and found Neil.  What do you want to bet that's a story that never gets explained?

~ That is a really cool globe.

~ I thought Greg and Tamara wanted to get rid of magic in our world?  What do they want with Neverland?

~ Of course, that does support the Darling children theory I mentioned earlier.

~ What the crap do they think they're doing making Peter Pan evil?  Of all the idiotic moves they could have made, that has to take the cake.

~ At this point I'm half convinced that this entire series was conceived as a way to cut down on the ridiculous, inexplicably long lines for Peter Pan's Flight at the parks.

So to sum it all up: what started out freaking amazing has taken a sharper nose dive than my math grades in junior high and a faster plummet than an Olympic diver.

 
 I may or may not be back next season, but I definitely won't be watching the Wonderland spinoff.  Because seriously, if your answer to dropped plots is spinoffs and your answer to plot holes is is selling "spinoff" novels  you are an incompetent screenwriter. (and yes, those are both things that exist.  and yes, it's as pathetic as it sounds.) 

What about the rest of you?  In or out?

P. ost  S. cript
The perfect thing to wash away that unpleasant aftertaste?  Some 90s-tastic fabulosity.  Make sure you watch to the end. :-)

Once Upon Never Landing in Neverland

Previously . . . yeah.  All that stuff happened and nothing really changed.


~ If they try to start this off as an Oliver Twist type story, I swear . . .

~ Stealing bread . . . so they're going with the Les Mis angle . . .

~ They should have had her do the complete introduction.  Wendy Moira Angela Darling.

~ Yeah, I knew that off the top of my head.

~ That had to be an unpleasant bit of deja vu.

~ I will never understand why Rumplilocks and Regina always look so surprised that people aren't doing things for them.

~ Why are they suddenly fighting Emma every step of the way?  Not exactly good for parental bonding, you know?

~ Yeah, the parallels between Rumplilocks/Bae and Owen/Missing Dad are probably supposed to be poignant but they're actually just annoying.

~ That commercial had to be so much fun to film.  Plus it proves that someone out there hasn't forgotten what Regina was like last season.  Seriously, I see almost nothing of the characters from last season in the characters this season.  Forget the "we are both" crap, there's almost nothing left of either original personality and these new third ones suck.

~ Is it, like, a requirement for all Victorian/Edwardian houses to have secret passageways and hiding places?  Not that I'm complaining.

~ It's too bad there wasn't any chance of having the same actor play Hook and Mr. Darling.  That would have been a fun homage.

~ Love how they all have Peter Pan collars on their PJs.  Clever.

~ Snow, why does Rumplilocks have anything he has?  Of all the things he has, Regina's tears are actually one of the less surprising or confusing.

~ I think we all need another drink, Rumplilocks.

~ All I can see is the episode of Friends where Rachel has to use the eye drops and won't.

~ Holy crap that shadow is creepy.

~ Everyone is just so bland.  "Regina's missing." "Oh no." "We thought she was here." "I'm sure she'll turn up."  I mean, could there have been any less emotion in that exchange?

~ Don't give me that crap.  Emma and August were supposed to get together.

~ So does she really not know where missing dad is or does she have some magic way to withstand torture?

~ So Tamara is the Spanish Inquisition?  I suppose that was unexpected.

~ *rimshot*

~ What exactly do they have against magic?  I mean, why would they have anything against Storybrooke existing except for the part where missing dad went missing?  Why do they care?

~ Of course Snow didn't happen to notice Tamara there.  How convenient.

~ I think I need to finally actually read The Great Gatsby so I can go see and hate the movie.

~ Why does the shadow want a boy?  Is it supposed to be Tinkerbell?  I mean, for all that they've destroyed her original character with those stupid fairy movies, she did not exactly take kindly to Wendy.

~ Rule #3 - DRINK!

~ I find it more than a little odd that Rumplilocks is giving up on Neal so quickly, even if it is because of not-Belle's new personality. (it feels to weird to call her Lacey)  Seriously - he spends, like, hundreds of years grooming the perfect protege to enact the curse specifically to find Bae and two minutes after finding him and going back to Storybrooke not-Belle likes evil Rumplilocks and it's all like "Bae who?"  Talk about sloppy writing.

~ Of course Tamara's going to get away.  How convenient.  Ugh.

~ I wonder if this is going to make the lines for Peter Pan at WDW longer or shorter . . .

~ So you stay with Regina and he goes after Greg.  DUH SNOW.  Why has everyone evolved into an idiot this season?!

~ Still not sure how Tamara knew to spill the coffee on him in the first place.  Also not sure I care.

~ Nothing against him, but here's hoping Neal dies.

~ As far as I'm concerned that conversation never happened.

~ Where did you think the shadow would take you, Bae?  Did it seriously only just occur to you that that was where you were going?  Again, what is up with smart characters acting stupid?

~ At least we get a cute daddy/daughter moment out of this disaster.

~ Yes, Regina, she saved you.  And yet, next week you will be trying to kill her again.  It's quite the predictable cycle.

~ Why would Rumplilocks include a fail safe in the curse?  And if Regina could add her own fail safe why did she need the curse from Rumplilocks in the first place?  Why couldn't she make it herself?

Tune in next week, same bad-writing time, same no-answers channel.


P. ost  S. cript
Koalas are officially the cutest things on the planet.  If I were the type to have an exotic pet it would totally be a koala.

Once Upon No Progress Whatsoever

Previously . . . things got more and more predictable.  And now we're almost to the point that we can see every last thing coming.

~ And how the crap do two normal people know how to kill magical creatures?  Seriously?  Just how thin are supposed to stretch our disbelief?

~ At least we get some sweet Evil Queen Regina clothes.

~ So is that why Regina is ruling?  She told people that Snow killed the king?

~ Wait . . . did we actually get a question answered?

~ Except for the part where apparently no one in the kingom believes Regina . . . so we're still left wondering how she has any power.

~ Snow and Charming both have good points.  It's really a no-win situation.

~ Of course the random fisher-dude was Regina.

~ Ummmmmmm . . . you're evil, Regina.  Sorry to break it to you.

~ Yes, when they see you kill Snow they will see just how kind you are Regina.  Perfect logic, that.

~ King George . . . is that Abigail's father or Charming's not-father?

~ Oh, who are we kidding.  Like they'd mention anything about Abigail.

~ I really hate the way they won't let Regina have any character development.  I mean, seriously.  How many times has she tried the same thing and had the same result and she just keeps trying it again?  I really want to root for her and see her redeem herself, but they're not only keeping her evil, they're making her look like an idiot.

~ I can't imagine her disguise lasting very long if she keeps acting like the queen in those rags.

~ That was shorter lived than even I expected.

~ And now it's time to play the "who exactly is Hook double-crossing" game.

~ What do you want to bet Tamara set up that crash too?

~ Okay, name one movie or tv show in which the phrase "you can trust me" is NOT a massive red flag.

~ At least someone is acknowledging that August is dead.

~ Operation Cobra?  Holy back-from-the-dead plotline!

~ Man, too bad Snow jumped in.  Just how many times is it going to turn out that she spared Regina in FTL?  This is getting ridiculous.

~ Thank you for finally stating the obvious, Hook.

~ Yeah, destroying Storybrooke will totally put Henry in your camp forever Regina.  See what I mean about the looking like an idiot?

~ Yeah, gonna go ahead and guess that that bracelet thing is a sign that Hook's double-crossing Regina.

~ I thought Emma killed Maleficent?  So is that her . . . reincarnated?  Or someone else?  Regina implied that it was Maleficent, but again, didn't she die about a year ago?  Gah!

~ Also, now I'm curious as to just how much random crap Regina's hiding down there.

~ Wilma?  Seriously?  Holy dumb name, Batman.

~ (apologies to anyone named Wilma.  But it's a really dumb choice.)

~ Okay, I do like how Snow's telling the horse story, especially without mentioning that it was Regina.  Talk about a potential turning point in Regina's story arc.

~ My vote is for Operation Walking Stick.  Or Operation Purloined Letter.

~ Let's just take this moment to acknowledge that now that the stupid writers have killed off August, this show is going to end with Emma and Neal back together.  It's one of those things that's been really obvious.  And really sucky.

~ Okay, I do like the "I taught her that trick" bit.  That was fun.  It's nice to finally have a fun moment again.

~ Too bad it'll never occur to them to look in Greg's room.

~ It's so frustrating not knowing where these flashbacks are in relation to each other in the timeline.

~ See?  See?  There it looks like she's having a change of heart.

~ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand busted.

~ Dude, just end it already Snow.  People only get so many chances.

~ Called it.

~ Really getting sick of calling it.  Remember how last season we never called anything?  And then this season everyone's calling, like, everything?  And how just now they just confirmed that I called, like three different things?  Dude, what is this, Dora the freaking Explorer?  The hidden details should be, you know, hidden.  Not excruciatingly obvious.

~ What happened here?  Who would do this?  They're making Snow look like a real idiot too.  Come on, who else is there in the town that would take the beans except Regina?

~ Seriously, how the crap did they find a scientific way to block magic?  That is the stupidest, most unbelievable thing yet.

~ I imagine the finale is not going to be nearly as devastating as they want us to believe.

~ You know what's really sad?  I'm not even excited about finally seeing Neverland.  That's how disappointed I've gotten since January.

~ Sooooooooooooooo to sum up - Snow spared Regina about a million times in FTL, which was pretty stupid of her; Regina kept trying to make every like her by killing them, which was incredubly stupid of her; the evil characters all double crossed each other (or attempted to do so) and the good characters are still pretty clueless as to what's going on.  Or even more clueless than it should be possible to be in the case of Snow.  Seriously, WHO ELSE IS THERE TO SUSPECT EXCEPT REGINA?  In other words, nothing really happened.


P. ost  S. cript
So here's a trick I've long wondered about.  I knew Ariel was standing on a platform, but I was never quite sure how the tail disappeared - apparently it's velcro'd on and  supposed to get sucked into a hole . . . but sometimes doesn't, lol.  I love the part where you can see Max stuffing it down instead.  :-)

Once Upon a ME!!!!!

So I think we've all noticed that the writing of this show has taken quite the plummet downhill since Emma and Snow got back to Storybrooke from their little jaunt in FTL. (side note: MULAN AND AURORA BETTER NOT GO THE WAY OF CINDERELLA AND ABIGAIL, DANGIT!!)

(side note to the side note: all caps before the show even starts can't be a good sign)

Anyway.

You know what I love?  Shows like Stargate SG-1 who put the title up on the screen at the beginning.  It's awesome because then you have such an easy way to reference different episodes . . . mostly amongst other fans nerdy enough to know the names . . . but still.

Anyway.

Point being, all the cool kids know that tonight's episode is titled "Lacey."  I also know why (because among other stupid things the writers do, they don't even try to prevent little details and even spoilers from getting out) but we're going to pretend it was named after me.  Just like the town in Washington.  Which totally was.  Named after me.


~ Previously Tamara sucked.

~ And so did accident boy . . . probably.

~ AUGUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Still wondering how you freaking taze wood.

~ It must be so nice for Henry to finally have a birthday acknowledged.

~ Not sure I would've picked a wand.

~ Didn't see that coming.

~ Or the dream part.  Not bad.

~ Oh yeah, Regina didn't know who Henry's father was yet . . .

~ Rule #7, DRINK!

~ Who are you to lecture Rumplilocks about always choosing darkness, REGINA?

~ I thought Emma was the one who could read people?  Lame!  Come up with something new, writers!

~ Calling Rumplilocks a beast counts as Rule #6?  Drink!

~ Ominous glass breaking is ominous . . .

~ Oh look, another potentially awesome character who's probably going to be dead by the end of the episode.

~ Rule #3, DRINK!

~ And now I'm singing Les Mis . . . thanks Regina.

~ (I'll look to you to sort this out, and be as patient as you can . . . )

~ Yeah, what was that about choosing darkness, REGINA?!?!

~ GO AWAY TAMARA.

~ GO AWAY GREG.

~ YOU PEOPLE SUCK.

~ What's in the package, plutonium?

~ Oh look, now that he's dead they acknowledge August's existence.  YOU SUCK, WRITERS!

~ HI HURLEY!!!

~ I can't imagine why Emma would want to stay in our world anyway.  I can see being hesitant about going to FTL, but she's really gotten the crappy ending of the stick in this one every time.

~ Gonna have to add a happy ending rule.

~ Apparently we're in the Wonderland quarter of Storybrooke . . .

~ Wait . . . is that what's-his-butt from Alias?  Also played the pilot(character) on the plane in the pilot(episode) of Lost?

~ They named Belle after me too.

~ They even spelled it right!!!!

~ Is this a persona Regina just created or is this the girl who was in the asylum for 28 years?

~ Hello soon to be dead new character.  Sorry about your lack of story arc.

~ Where do the casting people find all these hot guys?

~ Look at that, an actual answer to my recent question?  Enjoy it kids, that's the last time that's going to happen for a season or five.

~ Yeah, get used to me, RUMPLILOCKS!

~ Props on the sarcasm, but I was beginning to like you Regina and now I hate you more than I ever did.  Get over yourself.

~ Heh.  Grumpy rocks.

~ Rumplilocks has a point about Cora killing all y'all, Charming.

~ Begs the question of whether there's even a sliver of Belle left after crossing the line and all.

~ If Rumplilocks had vanished one of my books I never would have seen any good in him.

~ Ever.

~ EVER.

~ EV. ER.

~ You're right Shay . . . the gold Rumpelstiltskin makeup is really funky this time around.

~ How does Charming know Rumplilocks needs a wingman?  What does he know about dating in our world?

~ (sort of) On that note, has anyone noticed that the entire town seems to just be going on with their Storybrooke lives except for the Charmings?  Not quite sure what to think . . .

~ I love the fact that Don Juan made a deal with Rumplilocks.

~ Take that, Regina.  Maybe people would keep you more informed if you'd quit trying to kill them once in a while.

~ She looks rather fabulous, thank you very much, Granny.  *raspberry*

~ Besides, I have yet to see Ruby wearing anything blue.

~ (notice how I'm not mentioning HOW WE HAVE SEEN ALMOST NOTHING OF RUBY SINCE HER BACKSTORY EPISODE.)

~ Question for you people who have characters with your name on tv all the time: is it always this trippy to hear people on tv talking to you?

~ That's a very solid glittery makeup line . . . makeup artist fail.

~ You know, that one twist I really can't get behind is the one where everyone in FTL knows Rumplilocks' name.  That was the whole crux of the story, not a minor detail.

~ The writers are certainly making good use of that back exit at Granny's.  It's actually getting rather ridiculous.  And why did she leave anyway?

~ Of course Marian's dying.  It's not like we can have a potentially interesting character around for more than one episode without them being related to the Charmings, can we?

~ And Belle just found the magic words.

~ Yeah, she might be hugging him but I'd still be holding a grudge about the book.

~ Wait . . . is that Sheriff Scumbag?  I am so not okay with that.

~ That wink was almost as hot as that leap, Charming.

~ And now Regina's found the beans.  The question is, does she destroy them now or string everyone along for a while.  (get it? beans? string?)

~ Yeah, should have kept that tongue the first time.

~ Oh BABY . . . now that might get me to forgive the disappearing book thing.

~ Also: Rule #6, drink!

~ Yes, you should have, but this "watching Gold cane the crap out of someone" is getting really old.

~ And you're glad?  What?  Evil Rumplilocks is turning not-Belle on?  That might be the creepiest thing I've heard of.

~ And the most twisted thing these writers have come up with.  And it's not like I need to remind anyone that they've come up with some twisted things.

~ I don't really see a problem with him carrying Henry like that Kayla.  Probably easier than using both arms.

~ GO AWAY EVIL NORMAL PEOPLE.

~ Of course it's Hook.  Things appear not to have been very silly-hijinks-ical in New York.

You know, that ending would have had me shrieking a few months ago.  But after August and Cora and Belle and everything . . . yeah, no.  Kind of saw it coming, kind of finding myself not caring.  I hesitate to say the show has been ruined by the writing in the last handful of episodes, but I'm coming to hope it gets canceled after this season.  What about the rest of you?




P. ost  S. cript
Came across this a couple of weeks ago and it still makes me laugh.  I'd kind of love to see this version.

Once Upon the Crappiest Writing on the Planet Ever Known to Man but I Shouldn't Rant in the Title and Spoil Things

Previously we discovered that villain is a hero who's story hasn't been told.  Cora's was told, demonstrating that some are born villains, some achieve villain-hood, and some have villainy thrust upon them.  Pretty clear which one was born a villain, but I'm thinking Regina and Rumplilocks are still battling it out for the other two positions.

~ I could go for a trip to Phuket right now.

~ Oh baby, I'm so glad August is back!!!

~ HENRY CALLED HIM GRAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEN POINTS TO HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Can the episode end right here?  I'm terribly worried that that was the high point.

~ Crop of beans already?  Wow.  Magic beans indeed.

~ Hey look, Granny's inn still exists.  Good to know.

~ Was that a Disney shoutout? The theme park thing?  Rule #6?

~ Yes Neal, we are all connected in the great circle of life.  (another rule #6?)

~ And if they find a role for James Earl Jones on this show it will make my life.

~ There is the Star Wars connection you know . . . sort of . . .

~ Wooden August is creepy looking.

~ So . . . Hong Kong is the nearest place to Phuket with a hospital . . . ?

~ That was unpleasant to watch.

~ Is it the great stone dragon?

~ Wooden August is just getting creepier by the second.

~ We were all hoping August . . . TEAM EMMOCHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Yeah . . . some of us are still hoping.

~ They have a cute story.  I am now officially Team Teal too.

~ Mostly because that way they won't mess with Team Emmochio.

~ But also because that's a cute story.

~ Has it occured to anyone else that this place they call the Enchanted Forest didn't actually seem to be all that enchanted?  Like, sure there's magic and stuff, but it's not the forest doing the magic.

~ Well that went . . . actually, not that much worse than I expected.

~ Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . that's slightly not the story Tamara just told . . .

~ Of course that's also not Neal . . . but that really threw me.  Seriously, do we really need another connection in Henry's family tree?

~ Car crash dude has got to be so weirded out by the part where Regina hasn't aged since the last time he saw her.

~ Bra'tac!!!!!  Hi Bra'tac!!!!!

~ Kayla, your crooked blinds comment?  Spot freaking on.

~ Okay, I can see him seeing what's wrong but how would he know that he's talking to Pinocchio?

~ Those conditions are gonna have to count as a rule #3.  Drink!

~ Well obviously that's not a very good guarantee.

~ Cancer is so prosaic for this show.  You'd think they would have gone more creative.

~ Yeah, saw that coming.

~ Awkward.

~ Speaking of which . . . apparently we should be asking how she's still alive?

~ That thing glows suspiciously like a pulled out heart.  That can't be good.

~ Dude, he's running better just holding it.

~ Or not.

~ So now we see why Tamara's alive . . .

~ Wait, what?  how does August leaving help Tamara?

~ Seriously, that makes no sense.

~ DON'T FREAKING DO IT AUGUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

~ Wow.  I kind of wasn't expecting Regina to figure out who he was.

~ Told you we'd see that keychain thing again.  Didn't think it would be so soon though.

~ Juice cleanse?  Really?

~ Liar.

~ No it's not.

~ Dude, this is just cruel.  Bra'tac is going to get there and August will be gone.

~ Ummmmmmmmmm . . . awkward.  But props for finally coming clean, Bra'tac.

~ Wow.  Did NOT see that coming.  Maybe there's more to that black heart thing than we thought.

~ ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!  WHO THE CRAP ARE YOU TAMARA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ Also, I am no longer Team Teal.  Tamara sucks.

~ Yes you did.  You totally stole it.  Because you suck.

~ Holy Great Stone Dragon.

~ SHE TAZED THE GREAT STONE DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!  AS IF I DIDN'T ALREADY HATE HER ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!

~ Good call August.  About time you made one this season.

~ How the crap did she know where he was?

~ What do you want to bet Tamara and Regina team up?

~ Ummmmm . . . since when can you electrocute wood?  Logic fail.

~ Poor Bra'tac.

~ See?  SEE?!?!  TEAM EMMOCCHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ WHAT DID THAT WITCH DO TO MY HOT AUGUST?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ I refuse to believe that he is permanently dead.

~ Again, Henry is the genius.  So Fairy Nun, turn him back on already.

~ OH.  NO.  YOU.  DIDN'T.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ NO.

~ I am so not okay with this.  On every conceivable level and a few inconceivable ones.

~ GO BACK TO NEW YORK YOU FREAKING FAIRY TALE TERRORIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Still want to know how August knew who Neal was to begin with.

~ I may hate her more than Cora.

~ At least David is still hot.

~ And ALIVE.

~ Because Pinocchio may be alive, but August sure isn't.

~ If Charming wants to go back so badly why is he always calling her Mary Margaret instead of Snow?

~ Well the internet called that particular twist about a year ago.

~ Just when you think you couldn't hate someone more . . .

~ THREE FREAKING WEEKS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ AND IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL EPISODE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ I DON'T WANT ROBIN HOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ I WANT AUGUST BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I refuse to believe that the Pinocchio anti-aging juice cleanse is permanent.  They'll perform a sitcom-age-the-baby-between-seasons spell on him and he'll be back to normal.  Seriously, what has happened to this show?  It was so awesome last year, and it started out so well this season but it's just . . . done a deeper nose dive than a skydiver.


P. ost  S. cript
Definitely need something to cheer us all up after that pile of pile.  Good thing I literally start laughing just thinking of this one.  Literally.  For the entire past week.

Once Upon an Origin

Previously: Cora died, Rumplilocks lived, Henry's family tree is starting to look like that of a Spanish Hapsburg, and it's really nice to be watching this show before needing to turn the lights on.


~ Star Wars shout out to start us up?  I'm in!

~ Wait . . . Star Wars shout out . . . is that kid Car Accident Guy?  This is clearly not the present . . .

~ Yeah, let's go with electrical storm.

~ Hello, Smoke Monster.

~ Dude, is Storybrooke going to land on top of them?  Because that would suck.

~ Maine has boonies?

~ But if they're not FTL people how were they able to walk into town?

~ Hello Sheriff HOT.  Missed you muchly.

~ Nice opening credit thingy.

~ If I were Regina and had had her FTL wardrobe, I would have provided myself better clothes in Storybrooke.

~ BRA'TAC!!!  YAY!!!!!!

~ TOAST TO GRANNY SASS!

~ So Snow's class made birdcages every single day?  I'll bet that was really rough on Henry when he hit fifth grade.  No wonder he was in therapy for being "crazy."

~ Rule #1 drink!  I think this shall be quite the . . . er . . . not dry episode.

~ Oh, now that's just cruel.  Which I suppose is her point.

~ Yes it does Regina.  That uniform looks fabulous on that sheriff.  But your and Graham's relationship is still utterly creepy and fifty shades of wrong.

~ Awww, sad moment for Bra'tac.

~ On that note:
PINNOCHIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~ Oh, I think we all know what happens when Regina feels threatened.

~ Still don't get why Cora wasn't a queen, btw.

~ Awww, Rumplilocks roses for Cora.  That guy just can't win.

~ Because one moment of anger is totally worse than going after a person for, like, fifty years, REGINA!

~ Should that count as a rule #2?

~ So basically Regina just wants to be the modern SuperMom?

~ Did they really expect him not to see through that?

~ Good reasons, Rumplilocks.  Both.

~ I get the feeling that kid is not going to survive this episode.  Unless he is Car Accident Guy.

~ How is the mechanic going to get parts for their car?  From, like, not Storybrooke?

~ Okay, now that reeks of Chekov's Gun.  What do you want to bet Regina still has that thing?

~ Aww, Snow's been visiting since Day 2!

~ If I were Regina I'd be kind of freaked out by that fact.  I mean, she was surprised that she successfully cast the curse, why isn't she worried that there might be a hole in it or something and if Snow shows up enough she'll figure out just who Mr. John Doe is and break the whole thing?  I mean, Regina doesn't know what Rumplilocks said about Emma being the savior way back before she cast it.

~ I never pictured the town quite so Groundhog Day-ish.  I mean, sure, time doesn't pass but they don't have to do the exact same thing every time.

~ Now this shall be interesting.  We finally get to see just how much Gold remembered of Rumplilocks.

~ And it appears not much.

~ And now we see why she got Henry in the first place . . .

~ I totally would have started wearing the FTL clothes once the curse was broken, for the record.  If I were Regina.

~ Clearly Emma has either read Harry Potter or watched Aladdin.  Guessing the latter, considering the show, lol.

~ Always with the needing the heart thing.

~ What happened to them Henry?  This is the second act of Into the Woods, kid.  Things aren't pretty after happily ever after.

~ I'm going to be singing those songs the rest of the night now.

~ So is lasagna the only thing Regina knows how to make?  Or learned how to make in 28 years . . . as the case may be?

~ Wait, what?  Wouldn't they notice pretty quickly that everyone else is a robot?

~ Bet we just saw why Car Accident Guy came back.

~ Not a bad idea, Henry.  But can it be done?

~ Dude, he's in the bathroom making a break for it.

~ CALLED IT!

~ Good point, Emma.  How did Neal fall for that?

~ Can't take a heart with gloves on?

~ That snort totally meant "you want to make a bet?"

~ Now that's the evil queen we're used to seeing.

~ Wait, how did he know to come to her office?  That heart control thing is more effecive than I thought.

~ All he has to do is knock the box over to turn Graham off?  Weird.

~ Dude, he's so trying to find his old campsite.

~ Would dynamite get rid of magic?

~ I guess if you blew up the well it might . . .

~ Wait, Car Accident Guy has a different name than Campsite Kid.  Not that that necessarily means anything on this show . . .

~ One does not watch this show expecting high speed car chases.

~ Yeah, this is the demented witch side of the evil queen we're getting this week.  It's kind of awesome.  The casting on this show is seriously brilliant.

~ Deja vu much?

~ Yeah, that's going to help your cause Regina.

~ Pay for what?  For 2 seconds of getting mad at you for trying to kill her since she was ten?

~ Henry is totally the friar from Romeo and Juliet right here.

~ What do you want to bet she didn't actually destroy that spell?  She proably just made it stronger.

~ I wish Regina would stop expecting one nice thing to make up for all the evil things.  Seriously, why is she surprised when they still don't trust her after all she does is show up with a lasagna.  Show up five or six times, and then they'll talk, dearie.

~ That low calorie Sprite or whatever commercial is seriously one of the weirdest ones I've ever seen.  And let's be honest, we've all seen some pretty weird commercials.

~ Does it count as a rule #1 drink if a Charming doesn't say it?

~ Oh, who are we kidding, he's probably going to turn out to be related.

~ Famous last words, Rumplilocks.  She'll be back.

~ The saddest part is you can tell Rumplilocks doesn't believe it.

~ I'm with Regina.  What?

~ It hasn't cost Regina a thing, Snow.  At least not anything that wasn't her fault.

~ See?

~ Wow, that's twisted.

~ I KNEW CAMPSITE KID WAS CAR ACCIDENT GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Place your bets now, is Tamara a FTL person or no? (the main theories are Tink or Wendy)

~ IS THAT AN AUGUST I SEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ IS PINNOCHIO REALLY BACK?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

~ IS IT NEXT WEEK YET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

~ Well . . . that sounded rather like I was teasing the next episode of a really trashy soap opera.  Tune in next week for the wedding of Luke and Laura!


P. ost  S. cript
In other news, this movie looks terribly bad enough to be Troll 2 good.  (and take note of the part where it was made THIS YEAR.  Oy.)

Once Upon No Real Surprises

Previously . . . we had a week of dramatic looking previews and they better deliver, and they better deliver right.

~ So are they trying to make Cora a sympathetic character too?  Because all I saw with that little interchange was that she was always a beast.

~ Is that Eva who tripped her?  Sounds like she has quite a transformation story for us to see eventually.

~ Why did they spell it Eva if it's pronounced Ava?

~ Yeah, even with that I'm not feeling sorry for Cora.

~ Sadly, that little "Indeed" is probably the closest we're going to get to seeing Bra'tac . . . this SEASON.  Grrrrrr. (ten points if that made sense)

~ Enchanted box.  Awesome.  I want to see more interacting with technology.

~ So they're setting it up to look like Rumplilocks dies . . . I'm gonna go ahead and say it's not him.

~ So the dagger is kind of the like the elder wand?

~ ABOUT TIME YOU ASKED THAT REGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ She's cracking . . .

~ How convenient that there was one mask left when she arrived at the FREAKING MASKED BALL.

~ Have any of the FTL kingdoms ever been stable economically?

~ Honestly the more they try to make Cora sympathetic the less sympathetic I find her.

~ Am I the only one who thinks they should have called that new show "Splash," "Diving with D-Listers" instead?

~ I rather like the name Cora, Rumple-STUPID-NAME!

~ Pretty sure that's the biggest contract he's pulled out so far.

~ Well that little introduction kinda turned that story on its head.

~ Is that like using salt to keep the demons out?

~ And how did we all know Rumplilocks had the candle?

~ Yeah, that will be the tricky part.

~ Effective argument, Rumplilocks.  Also: I'm glad one of them is embracing their grandparent status.  In a manner of speaking.

~ Wow.  Go Emma.

~ But if she just cast a protection spell over the whole place what was the invisible chalk for?

~ Eva is not exactly a child . . . considering you're kind of the same age, Cora . . .

~ This scene is just emphasizing how I'm kind of surprised Rumplilocks and Cora never got together.  Even just temporarily.

~ I like how they've twisted the tale so that the miller's daughter really did do the spinning.  One of the better spins they've done. (*rimshot*)

~ Charming must be so glad to have a sword in his hands again.

~ So much for the invisible demon salt.  (And Emma's spell, but she's a beginner so we'll cut her some slack)

~ I'm not a hat person, but I want Snow's hats.  Have I mentioned this before?

~ Because the chalk worked so well the last time.

~ Unless, I suppose, Emma really did miss a spot.

~ Why is Cora's heart in Regina's vault?  How did it get there?  Presumably Cora pulled it out before Regina had a place to store hearts, so how would it have ended up there? 

~ Okay, maybe Cora and Rumplilocks did get together.

~ They'd better not do it, but wouldn't it be interesting if Regina was Rumplilocks' daughter?

~ My mind is hurting just from thinking about thinking about how that would twist up the family tree.  More like a family mobius strip!

~ Wait, what?  No.  Do not go there.  I JUST FREAKING SAID NOT TO GO THERE!!!

~ Wait, how did Cora know her heart was in danger if Snow hadn't even gotten to the vault yet?

~ How does she even know that's Cora's heart?  We know Regina has, like, everyone's down there.

~ Did the blowing it out thing mean she chickened out?

~ Who is this dude playing the king?  So familiar and yet I can't place him for the life of me . . .

~ See, that line right there is proof that Cora was never sympathetic.  Even at her lowest.

~ Speaking of awkward . . . let's bring in Belle!

~ Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  All the awards for sweet go to this scene.

~ Good thing we've already established Rumplilocks isn't dying because he just became one of my favorites.  (not that I wasn't a fan before)

~ Do you think Neal could kiss Rumplilocks and cure him?  I mean, it's not like we haven't seen it before.

~ I'm with Regina.  What?

~ Now that Snow mentions it . . . that kind of makes perfect sense.

~ I like Cora's fancy FTL clothes, but I think I prefer Regina's.

~ I'm having a hard time believing that Cora . . .

~ Okay, maybe I do believe it.

~ You know, rather than making Cora more sympathetic, this episode is actually making me feel sorrier for Rumplilocks.

~ Why is Charming still calling her Mary Margaret instead of Snow?  I believe I mentioned last week how I love that she calls him David now that's it's been verified that that's actually his birth name.

~ So Cora can vanish other people in addition to herself?  Good to know.

~ Wait, so if Cora went through with marrying Prince Henry why wasn't she a queen?  Why did she have to scheme to get Regina on a throne?

~ See?  See?  He just called her Princess Cora!

~ And it's really presumptuous to call an heir to the throne Regina.  Not to mention repetitive.  And redundant.  And superfluous.  And repetitive.  And . . . alright, I'll stop. :-)

~ Looks like Snow didn't chicken out fast enough.

~ Yeah, didn't understand any of Cora's dying words.

~ And suddenly it's like we're back to the first epidode.  Essentially.  I mean, we were at a point where everyone could have just put the past behind them since it had been established that Cora was the reason pretty much everything else happened . . . but now Regina has a new reason to want to get Snow.  Good times.

So that was a surprisingly calm episode considering just how much happened.  Can't wait til next week!



P. ost  S. cript
I imagine this will come as news to a few relatives, lol.  ;-)

Once Upon Some Poisons.

Previously on Once Upon a Predictable . . . we all called it, like, a year ago.


~ Young Snow looks kind of like Fiona in whichever Shrek movie it is when they're dressed all fancy and their arms are, like, sticking out.  You know the one I mean?

~ That said, cute dress.

~ That was some very un-Snow-ular sass right there.

~ Except Snow's dress is very modern, jewel-encrusted prom-ish, but her mother's is all glitter-bombed-Medieval.  What's up with that?

~ So obviously Snow is supposed to be younger than she was in the other young Snow flashbacks, but she's also obviously older.  I wonder how that's going to work as the show goes forward..

~ Okay, how did the tiara get to Storybrooke?

~ Even if Johanna is in Storybrooke, why would she have the tiara?

~ AND WHY ARE WE DISCOVERING ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE IN STROYBROOKE WHEN WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE KATHERINE AND ASHLEY ARE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ (Random slightly irrelevant thought: why would FTL be on our world's Julian calender, lol?)

~ Hook and Charming . . . oh, the hotness.  Too bad it couldn't be a pleasanter encounter.

~ Okay, how the crap did GOLD get the tiara?

~ Even with both of them in the scene, I'm still not sure that Cora is talking to Regina and not to herself.

~ Regina's been lying . . . shocker, no?

~ I hope those are real kingdoms Neal just mentioned.  Or kingdom.  Was there more than one in there?

~ So now that they're in New York and have found Bae can Rumplilocks take off that scarf without forgetting him?

~ No.  NO.  EMMA DOES NOT WANT ANOTHER CHANCE WITH NEAL BECAUSE SHE'S IN LOVE WITH FREAKING AUGUST-PINNOCHIO WHO IS STILL FREAKING MISSING.

~ Regina does have kind of a point there.  Assuming there was a ghost of a chance that anyone outside the Charming family would ever forgive her, it would be a pretty long time in coming.

~ I sense a Rumplilocks reference in that suggestion of magic.  This, of course, cannot end well.

~ One could also argue both for and against the Blue Fairy's benevolence.

~ YOU CAN'T CALL RUMPLILOCKS GRANDPA UNLESS YOU CALL CHARMING GRANDPA, DANGIT HENRY!!!!!

~ Of course, Rumplilocks is more the appropriate age for the name.

~ I love how Rumplilocks is having the hardest time wrapping his head around the twisted family tree.

~ How did Hook find them that quickly?

~ If Neal is also Peter Pan I'm going on strike.

~ Also, that ship is only the fastest way back if you can find it.

~ The Blue Nun's line totally just made me think of Obi-Wan saying he sensed a great disturbance in the force.

~ That's an interesting loophole.  I was wondering how she was going to get out of curing Queen Snow's Mom.

~ And now we see why the Blue Nun's benevolence is questionable.

~ Rule #3 - DRINK!

~ So the part where Bae went to Neverland first was totally predicatable, but what about the part where the potion or whatever it was he got from the Questionable Blue Nun in the first place was supposed to take them to a land without magic?  Neverland clearly has magic enough to keep people from aging.

~ Why are there nuns in FTL?

~ And what's taking the king so long to show up?  Shouldn't he have been, like, around if Snow's birthday was coming up and there was a ball in her honor and stuff?

~ CORNY DEATH SCENE ALERT.

~ I feel like we should have guessed the clock thing too.

~ Word on the street is someone dies in this episode . . . so it looks like we might have a Rule #4 coming . . .

~ And just how did Cora and Regina(/Cora) know to go to the clock?  Rather convenient if you ask me.

~ That's a better mourning dress than even Scarlett O'Hara wears.

~ But the tiara kinda clashes a little.

~ And again, where the crap is the king?!

~ That skirt might be wider than she is tall . . .

~ And shouldn't there be, like, advisors and stuff to do all this so the pre-teen princess doesn't have to be in charge?

~ Ummmmmmmmmmmmm . . . did not see that one coming.  Probably should have, everybody was figuring Cora was scheming all along to get Regina married to the king.

~ Of course, this begs the question - what does Cora have against Queen Snow's Mom?

~ Did you see that look?  The one from Regina?  I'm guessing that line is the start of Regina switching teams again.

~ Well . . . called the person who died right . . . just not how . . .

~ You know, I'm as big a bookworm as they come, but this kindle commercial is just dumb.  If I was at the beach I would not spend the entire trip reading, just the part where I was in the hotel room.  Also, I imagine those things aren't exactly waterproof.  Not that regular books are, but still.

~ See, called it!  Regina is totally not cool with Cora's manipulating things to get her married to the king.

~ She's wavering . . .

~ Yeah that reference to people being a MEMORY wasn't ominous in this show where people can't leave town without losing their memories.

~ If that's Wendy I might be okay with Neal being Peter Pan.

~ YAY, NEAL HAS A FIANCEE!!!!!  THAT MEANS EMMA AND AUGUST CAN STILL BE A THING!!!!!!  GO TEAM EMMOCHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Well this is an interesting Snow character development.

~ One could argue that killing Cora is not an evil thing to do.

~ Is it next Sunday yet?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Although I must say, that was a rather un-gasp-inducing episode.


P. ost  S. cript
Any excuse to celebrate GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are no words for how glad I am that it's finally March.  I could just about cry too. (side note: have you ever noticed how October, November, and December fly by but January, February and March take FOREVER?)

Once Upon an Obvious

Previously we ended the episode with a preview of trepidation and judging by the half-spoilers from Shayla and Kayla . . . man, they better do a heck of a job explaining why Neal is Bae.


 ~ So it looks like Rumplilocks and Milha were happy at some point.

~ Wait, Rumplilocks was excited to go to war?  What?

~ Good grief, not more parental issues.  *sigh* What was wrong with DaddyRumplilocks?

~ Just how does Rumplilocks know where Bae is down to the building?

~ Even with Cora sitting right there I'm not sure I believe that's actually Regina. 

~ Or Hook, for that matter.

~ Did Regina get a haircut?

~ Cora seems to have bee to the salon too . . . what, were they finally having a mother/daughter date?

~ Aaaaaaaaaaaand, we all called it.  Yay.  Isn't that lovely.

~ I really hope this show doesn't go the way of Lost.

~ You tell him Emma.

~ I suppose Henry ought to start calling Rumplilocks Grandpa now too.  Not nearly as amusing.

~ Yeah, speaking of August, WHERE THE CRAP IS HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ Wait, how did August know who Neal really was?

~ Also, way lame reveal.  Why couldn't August just say that?  A real reason, not a "because we weren't supposed to know yet" reason.

~ Along with the not seeing him again can he make it so the whole conversation/confrontation never happened?  Because I would totally go for that if I were Emma.

~ That seer thing is more than a little creepy.

~ "Will leave him fatherless."  Clever phrasing, that.  You always have to wonder how much hearing these type of prophecies affects what happens.

~ Does that count as a Rule #3?  I'm calling it close enough.  DRINK!

~ How are they letting Regina just wander around the hospital?

~ And is that Regina or Cora?!?!

~ Oh good, a library scene.  So this episode won't be a total loss.

~ That is some lucious princess hair Cora is sporting.  Seriously, what were they up to the last couple of weeks?

~ Yum, Charming!

~ Charming who doesn't get the concept of having more than one set of grandparents.  What's up with that?

~ Major points for the show finally acknowledging the twisted up family tree!  YAY!

~ Which means, of course, rule #2 - DRINK! :-)

~ Cue Rumplilocks faking an injury.  This whole episode has been obnoxiously predictable.

~ Personally, I think I'd have an easier time going into battle than breaking my own ankle.

~ Like, if going into battle were my last option, breaking my own ankle would be in the negative on the option list.

~ Awkward three generation family reunion . . . check.

~ Clearly Rumplilocks was gone for a while.  When he left he didn't even know Milha was pregnant. (and presumably Milha didn't either, or I imagine she would have said something)

~ How did word travel so fast?  How does the whole kingdom know? (and seriously, why do they care? a poor weaver dude got himself out of the war . . . so?  do. not. get it.)

~ That took Rumplilocks longer to figure that out than I expected.

~ And the awkward is complete.

~ Dude, Henry's had a rough couple of years.

~ Why does car crash dude look so familiar?  Who is that actor?

~ Am I supposed to feel sorry for Hook?  Because I don't.

~ Is it just me, or does this scene with Emma and Henry scream "blue screen"?

~ Is Henry going to stay in New York?  Because that will definitely complicate things for Regina.

~ Why are there always so many more questions than answers?

~ Don't answer that.

~ Yeah, Bae grew up.  Speaking of which, why is he still alive?  In the time line he left FTL ages before most of the rest of the FTL stuff happened.  How is he still only, like, thirty something?

~ Well, here's an unexpected fast foward.

~ Here's hoping creepy hand-eyes girl doesn't show up again.

~ Finally, some answers!  Not very many, but at least we got a few.

~ "The boy will be your undoing" huh?  Sounds like we know what's going to be going n next season.

So . . . that was not a cliff hanger-y ending.  And I think I could like the whole family legacy of fatherly abandonment story line they've got going.  If they handle it right.  I suppose I could come to be okay with Neal being Bae . . . which just goes to show how good this show is.  An hour ago I was totally ready to quit watching.  Now I'm not entirely sure what I think.

Except for the part where Cora is evil and Hook has no redeeming qualities as of yet.  See ya in two weeks, kids.

P ost  S. cript
Let's counter with something that is definitely awesome, shall we?

Once Upon a Midget

Previously we admired how hot Lancelot was a then were sad when he turned out to be dead.  And Ruby relearned how to be a wolf. And Rumplilocks kinda went crazy.  And Hurley was large . . . er than normal.  And that brings us to today.


~ Daddy Charming is in quite the snarky mood.

~ Awwww, and a sweet one.  Cute.

~ Rumplilocks reverting to his cursed self begs the question of just how cursed he was to begin with.

~ But with that I suppose we'll probably never really know.

~ Cool intro.

~ Snow, let's be honest.  Everything looks good on your husband.  (Or not on, as the case may be, lol)

~ And we have our first entry for Charming line of the episode.

~ Dude, Regina is so faking all this.

~ I'm thinking this episode is going to be all about how much I love Charming.

~ For example, Charming is dying to kill Hook for those cracks about his daughter.  You can totally see it in his eyes.

~ Giant Hurley . . . is not so giant . . . #confused

~ A world in which Hurley is Tiny is a large world indeed.

~ Quite the rational argument he's making.  I wonder what happened to change his mind.

~ Dang, first Chip and now the harp . . . minor characters are falling all over the place these days!

~ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand look at Tiny grow!

~ Travel size.  Heh.

~ I'm not a hat person, but I want Snow's beret.

~ Looks like part of Hurley's change of heart had something to do with Charming's twin.

~ Really intrigued by Belle's Storybrook identity.  What was she thinking all that time she was locked up?

~ And Charming makes the connection.  Ten points to him. :-)

~ But I called it first.

~ Dang, Not-Charming was a playboy.  Bet Josh Dallas had a blast filming this scene(s).

~ Why would one toast so heartily as to leave half the drink on the floor?  I've never understood that.

~ See, Not-Charming's girl-toy is oozing with the cleavage in this outfit almost exactly like Belle's from before.  Still gratuitous, but not as obnoxious because it fits the little we know of her character thus far.

~ Jabberwock?!?!  Girl-toy is Alice?!?!?!?!?!?!  Holy crap, she better not be.  Alice is to smart to be Not-Charming's girl-toy.

~ Okay, now Jack is a girl?  That I can get behind. (also, the oozing boobs fit the character of a girl Jack than an Alice)

~ Clever segue.  I wonder how much the Ewan MacGregor the Hottie Jack the Giant Slayer movie payed to get that smooth move.

~ So cool to see Rumplilocks bewildered.  I hope they really play up the Rumplilocks culture shock the whole time he's out in the world.

~ And Rumplilocks says what we're all thinking about the shoe thing.

~ So it's contact with the shawl that's keeping him Rumplilocks?

~ That had to be traumatizing.

~ And Henry?  Is me.  I would be after the (not)Cinnabon too.

~ What do you want to bet that's Cora playing Regina?

~ Dude, I have never seen that much traffic in Storybrook.  Where's everyone going all the sudden now that Hurley's about?

~ And it all goes wrong in 3 . . . 2 . . .

~ I really like the twist they're giving to Jack and the Beanstalk.

~ It's going to be really interesting wondering whether it's Cora or Regina every time we see Regina.

~ More Alice food.  This strikes me as the appropriate time to mention I've always wanted to go to Wonderland just to spend the entire time there eating everything to see what happened.

~ Airport bathroom.  So many questionable jokes.

~ And that was the last thing I ever would have guessed.

~ Uh oh.  Was that from leaving Storybrook or taking off the shawl?

~ All of these Valentine's commercials would have me going out to buy a bunch of chocolate if I didn't know I was going to have fifty pounds of it handed to me for free in a few days.

~ I was going to say that Hurley's a crappy liar, but then he didn't even try to lie.

~ Okay, the gray bearded giant just called Hurley his brother, but I was totally thinking that was his dad.  Now I'm confused.

~ Speaking of . . . where are all the girl giants?  Where do giant babies come from?

~ Yeah, I'm not sure I'd believe Charming's story.

~ "Kind of out of town."  That's kind of an awesome line.  Charming has a run for his money for best line.

~ Charming's name really is David!!!!! I CALLED IT!!!!!!!  I CALLED IT PRACTICALLY A YEAR AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A HUNDRED POINTS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Also - the bit where Grumpy was trying to figure out Charming/James/David's name?  Grumpy wins.  Line(s) of the night.

~ (Also: totally backs up my theory that Regina was never as thoroughly evil as Cora or Rumplilocks.  A thoroughly evil person would not have given David his name back, notwithstanding the part where no one would have known about the good deed of it.)

~ So the beans can take you to realms other than the giant realms?  How exactly does that work?

~ I like your style Snow.  Giant's about to die, but you take a moment to make out with your hot prince husband.

~ Depressing . . . and then profound.  All awards to the screenwriters!

~ Speaking of awards, a great big one to whoever made the decision to put that lovely shot of Charming's butt in! :-D

~ And it would appear that the Jack fairytale is going to be a one-off.

~ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand TA DA!!  We have a way back to FTL!

~ Love how Charming's all excited and Snow's all conflicted.  Things are going to get really interesting if/when they get to the point of actually going back.

~ Maybe they can go back and forth?  There's going to be a bunch of people on both sides of the coin, but they're also going to want to stay and touch.

~ Speaking of staying in touch, let me take this moment to register MY OFFICIAL CAPS LOCK RANT ABOUT THE DISTINCT LACK OF AUGUST, ASHLEY, AND KATHERINE IN THIS EPISODE.  WHERE THE CRAP ARE THEY, DANGIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ And that all caps rant has just reminded me that they will certainly be no Henry calling Charming and Snow by their appropriate appellations as long as he's out of town.  Sad day.

~ Let us drink to the swift return of the possibility of Rule #2's!

~ I love Grumpy.

~ Awww, cute, they gave him a dwarf ax.

~ Wait . . . where did they get a dwarf ax?

~ Okay, humming High Ho is definitely worth a drink.  Think we just found rule #6.

~ Real world guy and Belle?  File this under things that can't end well.

~ Cut to Emma and Henry crashing on Flight 815 . . . lol . . .

~ Spot on with the more frosting thing, kid.  And props on getting the cool mom who'll buy you a whole box of airport priced cinnamon rolls.  :-P

~ That . . . was perhaps the least scream inducing ending of an episode that I've ever seen.  Dang.

~ Okay, going on the previews I'ma go on record now: I don't want Bae and Neal to be the same person.  I wouldn't be surprised if it happened . . . in fact, I'm kind of expecting it, but I'm hoping not.


P. ost  S. cript

Fun (barely slightly) related story: for some reason the choir at my high school had a thing for this song.  Like, they sang it every few years.  Anyway, a year or two after I graduated the Madrigals sang it, and as a joke they all got on the edge of the stage and knelt on their shoes like they were really short.  Now it just so happens that one of the girls in the group at the time was(/is) legally considered a midget . . . meaning she's, like, 4'10'' or something right around there.  So as soon as they all got down on their knees everyone started yelling for her to stand up, which it quickly became clear was the plan all along because she was put between the two tallest guys and when she did stand up . . . yeah, she was still shorter than them.  (side note: saw a picture of her a couple of years ago on facebook holding her daughter who was in a blessing [i.e. Mormon christening] dress.  The dress was longer than she [the choir girl/mom, not the baby] was tall.)

In other short news, when we went to Hobbiton five years ago the tour guide told us what the height requirement for hobbits was when they were filming.  I don't remember what it was, but Shayla was exactly the maximum height.  Not only could she have been a hobbit, she would have been a tall hobbit! :-)

Anyway.  It's funny 'cause, like, Hurley's a short giant, you know. Haha, I'm so clever, I bet no one in the whole wide world ever thought of that one before!!!

Sorry.  Sometimes I just have to go for the obvious (and bad) joke.

Once Upon - oh, Mrs. Potts is NOT Going to Like This

Previously, as far as Belle knows, nothing happened.  So let's just get on with it.


~ These previouslys are really making me hope we see Ashley soon. 

~ How did Team Charming get there so fast?

~ David looks hot, as always.

~ Nice intro/credit/whatever screen!

~ I should resent that cross pun for its obviousness, but I rather liked it.

~ Seriously, what world exactly is Frankenstein inhabiting?

~ Other than a rainy, black and white, Victorian, steampunkish one?

~ I thought Rumplilocks healed Belle's gunshot wound.  Why is she in the hospital?

~ This is way too many questions for five miniutes into the episode.  Even for this show.

~ Looks like we've finally found one thing true love's kiss can't cure.  Sucks for you, Rumplilocks.

~ Oh, Hook.  You're always cocky . . . in every possible sense of the word.

~ Computer hacking and pick-axe hacking are different.  Duly noted.  Thanks Grumpy, never would have guessed! :-)

~ Random driver saw Rumplilocks throwing magic around?  Missed that somehow.

~ Ummmm . . . where are these orders coming from Charming?  I didn't hear a consensus in that conversation.

~ Star Wars ringtone?!  I love this unidentified dying guy!  (But if it turns out he's actually Luke Skywalker I am soooooooooooooo out.  Just sayin'.)

~ Rumple von Stiltskin.  I love it.

~ I also rather love his FTL voice.

~ Holy Mary Poppins bag of gold, Rumplilocks!  I want!!

~ Just how is Rumplilocks traveling between worlds?

~ Nice dress, Cora.

~ No, Cora, I don't know what that is.  Of course.

~ Man, she's good.

~ Soooooooooooooooo apparently they used to have a rather different relationship.  I'm intrigued.

~ Okay, why exactly did Franken-whatthecrap go on the lam?

~ I love when they remember Ruby has dog powers.

~ I guess they haven't really had time to catch Emma and Snow up on what they missed, have they?

~ So the monster is his own brother?  Interesting twist . . .

~ Dude, are there any characters without parent issues on this show?

~ Holy crap, if Cora does something to Henry, I SWEAR . . .

~ How does one get a sweet hidden lair like that one Regina's got?  It's kind of friggin awesome.

~ I should've seen that one coming, shouldn't I have?  I mean, how many times has Cora pulled that trick now?

~ I may have to watch this Zero Hour show.  If only to put off getting sucked into Dr. Who.

~ Why is Franken-nutso surprised that the people where Rumplilocks is from have hearts?

~ See, even here Cora reeks of lying through her teeth.  When Regina says the same sort of things she sounds sincere.

~ Emma and Henry and the two idiots.  I should resent that on Team Charming's behalf, but I kind of love it.

~ I also love how hard Regina's still trying.  She's really not bad, she's just been tortured all her life, essentially.  (because, dude.  a mother like that? is torture.)

~ Time travel?  We're bringing in time travel now?  Not sure I'm okay with that.

~ I have to wonder if Frankencrazy knew his zombie brother would do that when he brought the guy to their father.

~ Rule #3 - DRINK!

~ Ruby's "I ate my boyfriend" line totally sounded like she was introducing herself at Werewolves Anonymous.

~ Soooooooo . . . are we seeing the potential beginning of a Ruby/Whale pairing here?  I might be okay with that one.

~ Holy crap, Cora is good.  Doesn't mean a word she's saying, no matter how much she says she means it.  But she sure knows what to say and how to say it.

~ Am I remembering wrong, or was Daniel a lot more coherent when he got brought back?

~ Or maybe it just takes time?  And we really only saw Daniel after enough time had passed?

~ So his brother got shot in the stomach, and that necessitated stitching him pretty much all over his body?  Head, hands, everything?  I know they've got a look they're going for, but can't they at least explain where it came from?

~ Sheriff not bringing her parents with her to talk to the non-dying guy . . . counts as a rule #2 since we haven't had much to go on this week.

~ Awwww, poor Chip!  Guess that's one character they won't be adding.

~ And I have officially never felt sorrier for Rumplilocks.

~ And here's hoping that they can just explain things to Belle slowly and reintroduce her to the concept of FTL and either she won't need to get her memories back or they'll come back in a more "natural magic" way.  Because you know they're coming back eventually.  It might be a season or two, but I'm pretty sure there would be rioting in the streets if they didn't.  Or at least on twitter.

~ Maybe crossing the town line coming in messes with outsider's memories?

~ Texting?  Really?  That's kind of a lame way out.

~ Wait, isn't she going to ask him anything else?  Like why he was coming into to town or something?  Nothing at all.  Emma, you suck as a sheriff.

~ Okay, so that thing is a crystal ball/globe?  And Bae is on the eastern seaboard?  Okay.

~ THAT'S WHAT HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME THIS WHOLE TIME, HENRY!!!!!!  THANK YOU FOR FINALLY POINTING IT OUT TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Well, that was to the point Rumplilocks!

~ And that's why you should've asked more questions, EMMA!

~ THREE WEEKS FROM TONIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the plus side . . . everybody loves Hurley.  I guess we'll meet back here in three weeks.

P. ost  S. cript
So I heard this piece on the radio a little while ago, and of course I immediately thought of Fantasia and it made my day in way that it hasn't been made in a while.  We really need to get this movie.  Mostly for this segment . . . although I love the rest of them too.

Once Upon Girl Power!

Previously: We all discovered that we've been leaving an essential ingredient out of our lasagnas.  And if the one I made today hadn't been a chicken alfredo lasagna I totally would have put in some red pepper flakes.  Not sure that would have worked though, so . . . next time.

Anyway.  Here's hoping for a few more fifty shades of Rule #2's.

~ And that sign cut off in just the right way for me not to be able to tell if there was an E at the end.  Cruel cinematography, or an old, small tv?

~ Ummmmmmm . . . bye Smee.  We hardly knew ye.

~ Yay, it worked.  So . . . what just worked?

~ I still think Rumplilocks should have been able to cross the line no problem.  I mean, he created the curse and all.  Wouldn't that just make sense?

~ So the cricket gets a funeral but Hot Graham doesn't?  LAME!

~ IT'S BRA'TAC!!!  YAY!!!

~ Now give me some Pinocchio, dangit!

~ That's not very much potion . . .

~ Seriously thought he might pull out the dagger there for a minute.

~ Seriously, why did he only make enough potion for one test and one real thing? 

~ Dude, chug it Belle!

~ Interesting . . . Grumpy's still Dreamy.  I like.  Hope we get to see more in-between0ish flashbacks like this.

~ Oh look, an E at the end.  Note to self.

~ I'll probably have forgotten by next week.

~ Shouldn't she remember who Hook is?

~ Oh, okay, she does.  Good.

~ Yay Belle!  You go girl!

~ Is that a panic room or an elevator?  Either way, why is it so steampunk?

~ Does it occur to anyone else that calling the person the nutjob attacking you is actually after may not be the best move?  Just me?  Okay.

~ Commercial: hello Julia Stiles.  Where have you been since Mona Lisa Smile? (love that movie!)

~ Is that Gaston giving her crap about the book?  I don't remember what he looks like, but it seems so fitting.  It better be.

~ Yeah, pretty sure that's him.

~ I love your spunk Belle, but that was a bad idea on about a gazillion levels.

~ That's quite the cleavage baring outfit they've got her in.  Granted, she looks good, but is that really necessary?  Regina's outfits make sense, this is just gratuitous and out of character.  Lame.

~ Hello background Bra'tac.

~ Charming was oddly silent in that scene.  And sadly shirted.

~ Sometime around the end of this show Rumplilocks is going t learn to just shut up and let Belle come along.

~ You know, she's spending a lot of time with Rumplilocks rather shortly after saying she didn't want anything to do with him.

~ Sometimes Rumplilocks' accent makes him sound like Uncle Scrooge McDuck.  It's kind of awesome.

~ You see, this is why girls gotta stick together.  Go Team Princesses!

~ If they had done the "you're a girl" "WOMAN" line for a third time I think I would have had to make it another rule.  I like the way the did it this time.

~ Is it just me, or does Mulan look a LOT younger in these scenes?  Like, a ton younger.  Like, a decade or something.

~ Again, bye Smee.  We still hardly knew ye.

~ So the seagulls can see the ship?  How does that work?

~ I love that Belle just pulled a trick out of Indiana Jones' book.

~ Random thought while it's a commercial: I want to see a storyline where all the female characters have to team up to get something done.  Granny, Ruby, Mulan, Aurora, Snow, Emma, Belle . . . am I missing any? (oh yeah, ASHLEY AND KATHERINE WHO SERIOUSLY NEED TO COME BACK ALREADY)  How awesome would that be?  Seriously, Team Princesses ftw because half the time the guys suck.  Or are dead.  Except for Charming.

~ That was way too easy.

~ Awwww, Domestic Moments with the Charmings.  I'd watch the heck out of that show.

~ Things will get better if you take your shirt off Charming.  Your grandson might not appreciate it but Snow and I would.

~ Or you could go back to the house David and Katherine were living in.  AND EXPLAIN WHERE KATHERINE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Yeah, saw that coming.  Told you Jiminy got away to easy.

~ Mulan's hair is giving off some serious Pocahontas vibes with it down like this.

~ What's a Chinese village doing in a European(ish) Enchanted Forest?

~ Description of how Milha died counts as a Rule #4?  Your call.  It's been a rather dry night this week.

~ Dude, Belle freaking rocks.  Seriously, how awesome would it be to get all of these strong, smart innovative, princessy characters ALL actively working together at the same time?  Oh, how I want it.

~ Clever.  Go for the obvious hand pun and give it a twist.  Woot.

~ Okay, Belle's boobs outfit has gone from merely gratuitous to obnoxiously distracting.  It's just so out of character for her.

~ Didn't see that coming.  Hello . . . Prince?

~ Ummmmmmmmmm . . . PRINCE PHILIP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

~ GREAT MERCIFUL CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ I love the sunburst on his coat of armor.  That's quite the cute little shout-out to Aurora.

~ commercial: So I'm kinda intrigued by this Beautiful Creatures movie.  I might have to see it just for the part where Emma Thompson has a southern accent.  Say it with me kids: trippy!

~ Fun fact: Emma Thompson has been my hero since I saw her in Much Ado About Nothing when I was in seventh grade. (twenty points if you caught the pun!)  I've also been in love with Kenneth Branagh since then too.

~ Snow just called him David.  Interesting.  I think that really is his real/original name.  Which says a lot about Regina.  A lot of good things.

~ Yay, reunions!  Too bad it wasn't August.  Or Katherine. Or Cinderella.

~ That was a very short lived "everyone thinks Regina is still evil" storyline.

~ And now we know how Philip and Mulan hooked up.  Of course, it remains to be seen if the theories that they also Hooked Up are true too . . .

~ Nice hat, Regina.

~ I'm thinking "I'll fight for him" might be RumpBelle's version of "I will always find you."  Stay tuned for Rule 1A.

~ How interesting would it have been if the potion hadn't worked the second time?

~ Okay, that was close enough.  Rule #1.  DRINK!

~ Oh . . . that wasn't good.

~ Dude, who the crap is that?

~ Pennsylvania plates . . . where could he be from?

~ YOU CAN'T JUST END IT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Okay, countdown to next week starts . . . well, last week.  Let's be honest here.


P. ost  S. cript
Yeah, I've posted this one, like, a million times already.  Or maybe just twice.  But it fits, and it's funny.  Here you go again.